When I Was Younger

when i was younger my mom would abuse me everyday until i was bleeding or until my body parts felt numb. i never really shared this with anyone because i was scared to. i was 4 years old when she started it. right now, im 13 and turning 14 in july. when i was 6 years old, i stopped caring for my mom. i felt no emotions for her whatsoever. i still don't.
i went into foster care when i was 6 years old because i finally told someone about what she does to me and i was there for 5 years and when i was 11 my mom picked me back up from foster care and she started abusing me again. i never said anything to anyone about it because i thought it would be useless and i thought i would end up back with her again. but on my 12th birthday i ran away.a week after that, i lost my virginity to 3 guys. they raped me in the back alley downtown the police found me and took me back to my moms and i stopped trying to get away from her.
until december 22nd 2012, i went out and never went back. i've been staying at my uncles house. he lets me stay he because he knows what my mom does to me. he let the child family services (cfs) know that im here so that im not reported missing. but ... i was told that i might move back with my mom again.
im starting to get suicidal nowadays, i feel like theres no point in living anymore. all i get is more and more pain and it just adds onto my pain.
i get bullied in school just for being bisexual and for my name being "Tuesday". its the day of the week, its really stupid. i think my mom wanted it to be tuesday so that she can laugh at me.
my mom even told me that i was a mistake and i wasn't suppose to be born.
i started cutting now, i also tried to end my life a few times. it never worked out.
i just dont know what to do anymore, im actually thinking about killing myself soon. the only thing thats stopping me is my girlfriend. i love her and i dont want to leave her. she doesn't know my story or what ive been through. no one does. thats why im posting this.

Neverlasting Neverlasting
2 Responses Jan 17, 2013

hey man i can relate to the abuse from mom.my mother would watch me as i pee.if itried to talk to dad about it i would be knocked thru the walls at home.i too sometimes want to die i cant get a job and cant keep anything that comforts me .we are poor with only 1 paycheck to live on .i havent had a job in 3 years.i know your pain.

What ever you do do not harm yourself! Suicide is a PERMANENT solution to a temporary problem! Do not go back to your mothers! Tell the police what she does or a school counselor! Please please don't hurt your self,don't cut your body it is beautiful and wonderfully made!