Holy Cow! I Made It!
Well, today was my day of group therapy. I have been a wreck about it since I had past the interview for it, last week, on Wednesday. I was plagued with nightmares, fears that the women in the group wouldn't like me! I was sure I was going to be made fun of, due to the past groups I've been in, or hated. :-/
Guess what, none of that happened! As you could probably guess! Otherwise, I wouldn't be writing an EP story on it. XD
It went great! I even spoke in the group and gave feedback too... and it was my first time! The women, many are older than me, but they took me under their wing! And one girl is around my age, she rushed to give me her phone number and she says she's my new friend... granted, with my trust issues, I wouldn't go so far as to say that I have a new offline friend... BUT, I have a possible new offline friend. That's a start! :-D
I can't tell you how high my anxiety was... entering that room and taking a seat. Introducing myself... and even telling part of my story to a group of strangers, face to face. It's so easy for me to blab online, because there are no eyes staring back at me! But in person, it's a whole different thing. I thought I would pass out at any time... but I did it! I did it! I made it! And now... I have to call my possible new friend on the phone, tonight... that's a little scary... :-/
Anyhoo, the group was good! I found out that I wasn't alone! All have had hard lives, like me, some harder... some are struggling still... BUT, they are a very loving group of women! And they like me. So, I'll be okay! And I'm going back next week, you betcha! ;-)
Right now... my hands are still shaking from it... it's like I stood in front of a dragon (facing one of my biggest fears!) and I survived it! My therapist says I should be proud... but pride? Nah! I feel shock and numb! So relieved... so happy... so relieved! XD
It's been an awesome day! :-D
Oh! And I also got some wisdom, already, from the group. They have a motto, "It's all about me!" At first, I thought it was some selfish thought, but they explained. All of us in the group, we've dealt with a very harsh life, we deal with being used and abused, and taken advantaged in our lives. Because, we care so much for everyone else and neglect ourselves. Hey, when the woman was explaining that part, I raised my hand and yelled, "I do that all the time! I rarely take care of myself and worry about others!" And the trouble is, we care about hurting the feelings of others and wanting to make people happy so very much, that we lose ourselves. So, one of the women, she was alone one day and said, "Hey! It's all about me! If no one is going to care about me and love me, then I need to start doing it!"
That's what the motto means! The strength to not be cold or selfish, but to not neglect or lose ourselves in worrying about others happiness... doesn't matter who it is, a friend, a significant other, or relative! It's right to care for a friend, a partner, or a family member... BUT their happiness shouldn't mean our own detriment all the time. We should speak up, when something hurts us... and if that person can't understand it... it's okay if the person get angry, but if they can't get over it in time, then it's time to dump them to the curb! Heehee! I'm not that strong yet... but I hope to be! I hope to make steps like that and believe that "It's all about me." ;-)