My First Boyfriend (some Swearing And Sexual Content Sorry)

I just want to tell you about my first boyfriend I ever had. We were both guys in the naval cadets here in Australia. I was 14 and he was 13 and we had met each other at cadets. Richard was such a quiet and nice bloke. Really tall for his age, he was already then 6'. There was something about him that sparked my curiosity and he commenced mixing with me and my mates. I had previously played around with guys from about the age of 10 including with some of my mates (just jerk off sessions) though I had really never gone through intercourse. Richard and I just hit it off. He lived a few suburbs over from me and we would be at each others place as often as we could but being very careful that people did not get any ideas about us. Back in the 70's where we lived we would have been treated really badly if anyone discovered that we were what we would call boyfriends.

When we were around each other in private and no-one else was around, we would kiss though this would have to happen either on the bed, couch or chair as he was too tall for me to reach though on occasions he would bend down. We would fondle each others dicks and sometime jerk off together but never in the early stages did we exchange oral or intercourse. Even at my mates place, when we used to sleep on the floor in his bedroom we would manage to cuddle, kiss and play with each others dicks when my mate went off to sleep. Sometimes we would even sneek up to have a look at his. It took awhile for us to commence sucking each other and it was just heaven. We just enjoyed each others company. Eventually we had anal intercourse and it was just the best thing. Apart from being tall he was hefty in that department and I can still recall to this day the difficulty in him getting it into my arse but having him close and being this intimate was just heaven even though it hurt like hell. Even when the tables turned and me not being the same in that department, found it very difficult to penetrate. Suppose our arses were just too tight in hindsight.

We both had problems with family, he with his mum and dad me, with my mum so we used to talk about that a lot. We would talk about cadets and talk about our mates on a regular basis even comparing them sometimes. Sadly things took a turn for the worse.

For though we had been together for around 12 months things were starting to fall apart for both of us. I had gone into foster care and his mum and dad separated. This he took pretty hard and though we both tried to talk about it to each other, we were finding it harder and harder to meet up and being in foster care, it was harder to get to visit and his dad was laying more rules down for him. His mum had taken his sister and left the area and he had stayed with his dad but he was drinking more and more and this was becoming more and more difficult.

We were together one afternoon at his home and he was really upset. We cuddled and had sex on the couch as he did not want to go into his room. We talked more and he said that he had been also having sex with a girl at school. I was just flabbergasted. I really did not know what to do. In the end, I called him an arsehole and left. He called to come back but I was just crying too much and really felt betrayed. He got to me and cuddled me, the first time in actual public but it was just too late, I was not sure of these feeling just that I knew I wanted to get the **** away. He was mine, he was the person who showed the most love I thought.

I saw him the following weekend at cadets but we hardly spoke until after cadets and he said sorry. We can still be mates but we can't do all the things we did. I said little.

I stewed on it and I decided it was time to get it off my chest and planned to just go there and talk about it after I finished my after school work at the chemist shop (pharmacy) but this was not to be. A parent of one of the cadets came to the chemist to tell me that Richard was dead. He had killed himself. (**** to this day this still makes me cry). I did not know how he did it, but I was just devastated. I did not know what to do. She took me home and even my estranged mum came to the foster carers to see how I was. He was my mate, my first, friend, he was gone. My mates were equally devastated they had lost a mate. It was a very sad week for all of us, they just never knew how much it really hurt.

He was given a great farewell, all the cadets lined up as a guard of honour, giving him the send off he deserved. Several days later the **** then hit the fan.

Richard had left a letter, and from what we were told, it contained more information that I cared for people to know about. He used all our nicknames when talking about us, his mates, but what was detailed was his relationship with me. They all then knew why I was so upset. He virtually said he could not face being without his mother and sister, could not cope with his dad, could not come to terms with a girl at his school saying she was pregnant and he was the father and that he had lost his best mate, me. (**** there I go again). Back then things like this went to the coroner and court and it was not a good time for anyone, me, my mates or his family. My aunty paid for me to go to Melbourne for a holiday just to get me away (she did not know the full details) and it was great being down there.

One Sunday my aunty had the paper at home, it was the Sunday Mirror and on the front page was the headline "Playboy 14 dies of baby scare." I was looking at it and just dropped. It was all about Richard and his suicide and about this girl and her pregnancy. I was just beyond myself. Newspapers printing **** about a guy who was sad and did not know how to deal with it.

It was when I returned from Melbourne that I discovered that in fact she was not pregnant and had made the story up. ***** to this day.

When I turned 18, I sat down with my closest mate and let him know about it in more detail. He knows we did things on his floor and was aware of more than I realised. The funny thing is I admitted to him that I was gay (if you ready my other stories you will see I have been married, even gay men can fall in love with women) and since then, he has never spoken to me.

Whenever I went to visit my dad's grave I would visit Richards (same cemetery) and have done ever since. Even at my mums funeral, when I left the service I walked over to Richard's grave to pay my respects. This is how much this guy meant to me. I believe still to this day that he was my soul mate. I may not have been his (that I will never know) but he was mine.

I am 50 now and he still holds a strongness in my heart that no other male or female has ever replaced. 10 years ago I went back to the cadet unit and managed to get a group photo of all of us together and went to visit mum, dad and Richard and I placed it there along with some nice decorative stone. It really looked as though no-one had been near his plot for a long time. Sad.

As I now live at the other end of the country I do not get to see my parents or Richards grave but they all hold the most deepest place in my heart.

I thank you for reading my story as it has been a very emotional write. More than I could ever have imagined. RIP mate.

tsv01 tsv01
46-50, M
4 Responses May 12, 2012

My God, what a moving story, on so many levels. Thank you so much for sharing and being so honest. It deeply touched me, and I will take some time to process it all. Wow. The very best to you in your life, and may all your wishes come true.

Thank you

how very disappointing- I being a sissy boy who has had what I would call a secret relationship with one guy in particular where over about 10 years I have sucked his penis and had his penis in my arse before, I will say the following

10 years is nothing compared to what you sound like you have been through but if I were to loose my mate over something so annoying as you did- I would be devastated for years on end, especially at the time in history when you seem to have done it all.

I am very sorry for your loss- RIP

Lauren- I am a guy to most people

Thank you for your response it is most appreciated.

Any time, I think those of us who are sexually different need to support each other and hopefully one day we will be excepted into the general population.

Rather than having people live with there heads in the sand due to mis- conceptions, thus making us do unusual and different things from time to time

Thanks for sharing this touching story. My best mate in school was Everett and he died from AIDS in 1989. I didn't even hear about his death until afterwards as I had moved away from home to attend college. He still has a place in my heart.

Probably thinks by doing so she will now be set for the next 16 years at your sons expense though strange she could not have kids one minute though they say miracles happen....it's called money. Just make sure he has a DNA test even if he has to legally force it, it could be worth the money. Cheaper for a test than pay for the next 16 years and we know child support will not enforce it.