Save Me From My Self

hi everybody, i'm an algerian young man, i'm 20 years old, a student and i'm gay.
i had never have a relationship or sex relationship with anybody in my life, because it is my biggest secret.

in august 2012, i met a man on chatroulette, he is from usa ,he is gay too.i told him about my secret, we love eachother, and he is my first love .
when i skype with him, i always cry because i want to be with him, so i'm always sad and depressed....i don't eat, i don't focus in my study, last year i was the first in my class but now i don't think so... i always think about him, i always cry in my room, i'm worried about my mind.

and to make this pain stop, i made to biggest and the hardest dicision in my life ;in august 30 , 2014 if i still faraway from him ,i will kill my self, i can't live with such biggest pain in my heart , i miss him so bad....
i know that my family and friends will be hurted,but if i'll be alive the only one person who is hurted is me , so i don't have a choice....." to be happy or not to be".

he can't travel for me because of some raisons, so i have to do it me.but i don't have money to buy a visa , and even if i pay for a holiday they will not accept me ,i don't know why ....if that guy knows that i'll kill my self he will come to me, but i don't want to tell him, i don't want to make him feel guilty about my depression.

I do my best to join him and save my life, i am ready to be a genius for that and ready to be married with an american girl so i can go, i'm ready to do crazy things for my life.

the time is going faster and i want to save my life ....i need help.
hurtedboy hurtedboy
18-21, M
2 Responses Dec 16, 2012

please dont do nothing that will harm you :( i was crying while reading this ! pls dont commit suicide :((

Don't kill yourself! Life is so precious and you are so young! Love is patient. Love is kind. It is not self-seeking. It always perseveres. Always hopes. Love never fails. I know you are struggling. But please don't hurt yourself. Try and share your pain with someone you trust. Maybe a good friend, family member, or even counselor. My heart breaks for you. Please don't follow through with your plan. Please. Please. Please.

you makes me feel that you are my best friend , thank u for your comment,
now i don't have lot of time to comment because i'm trying to save my self ,but here is my email adress
i wish things will change

please seek for God!! he will help you

i cried when you said that you cried reading my story, sorry about it, i though people in here will not feel sad about me, at this moment the only one thing i can promise to you, is that i'm doing my best right now , i,m studying hard for that, i'm sorry, i'm realy sorry, but this is my only promise at this moment, i miss him and missing the one we love is a pain, i'm sorry....please understand my feeling ,love makes me happy....and sorry again, i just want to tell you '' sorry'' 10000000 times ,because i know you are influenced about my story.