Just 17

I'm only 17 years old, and I know I don't know much about the "real world"; but I find myself caught up in all of these overwhelming emotions that feel real enough to me.
Back about a year ago I was in love, I don't know if it was puppy love or what. He loved me too...or at least I think he did. Sadly, we never kissed, held hands, or anything like that. At the most all we did was hug. Oh my god, his hugs were the best.
Then, one day I just kissed his cheek. I then turned and practically ran into my house out of sheer terror. I mean, what if he didn't like me like that? I then spent the rest of the night awake in bed wondering what the heck was I doing. Not knowing how to handle myself around him, our friendship quickly deteriorated. We barely spoke to each other.
He ended up having many girlfriends, doing drugs, and stealing things. I was glad to be rid of him. I didn't think that such a sweet, caring, thoughtful, guy could do such horrid things. I considered him a liar. In fact, when he was arrested in October, I was overcome with joy! This horrid human being was finally where he belonged! In jail.
When he came back to school three days later, I refused to talk to him. Which is a little difficult since I have a few classes with him. He eventually got the hint and stopped talking to me. I felt satisfaction.
Then, it happened. I was walking home from school a few weeks ago and he was walking home too. I found myself talking to him! Telling him what a dumba** he was and how much I'd hated him for the past months. How much I disliked what he'd done! He listened in silence, then he spoke.
He told me how much he'd regretted what he had done, how much he hurt. When I looked at him I could see the pain there. Still I told him he was so stupid, that it didn't matter how he felt, he'd still done the things he had.
He apologized, to me, and later to others he had hurt.
We are talking again. Speaking like normal people do. And I find myself caring for him... of course not in the same way. Not the shallow dewy eyed lovestruck teenage way. But in a deeper way.
Honestly, I don't know what the future holds, and I'm a little scared. Could I fall back in love with him again? Would I dare? I don't know.
tallcupcake tallcupcake
18-21, F
1 Response Jan 23, 2013

Though i'm a guy i somehow can relate