The Care And Keeping Of Me.I dont know why im writing this. You know these things. You tell me these things. But today, i feel like stabbing myself at the top of my sternum with a filet knife and slowly dragging it down my chest and whatever tumbles out, tumbles out. We can just hose the mess back into the water like they did in Jaws when they cut open that shark and pulled out a license plate and other cool ****.
I have alot going on inside. I am easily readable. I do not have a poker face, but i am trying to master one. Seems i would benefit from that. I am pretty immature when it comes to handling emotional stuff. If its managable, i can take it on with finess. I have charm coming out of my pores and that usually tempers any situation and when that doesnt work, i am confuddled and i either react in a rudimentary way, where i lose it and cry like a kid or i shut down and hope it goes away on its own. I am an intense person and i frustrate people because i am very all or nothing. That attitude is not conducive to happy relationships with people. Balance is something i strive for. But i aint there yet, and i have accepted that i will always be somewhat of a tempest. I know that there are meds out there that help with stuff like this but they also impede my ability to have an ****** and ******* are one of lifes greatest joys so i will never let anything get in the way of them, balance be damned. *coughs*
Im not bipolar. i know this. ive already been tested. err..whatever its called. studied. im just an intense person. who feels stuff. big time.
I suppose what im trying to say is you should know this before you get close to me. I will test your limits because i think too much. It shows on my face. I feel like everyone..once they eventually get to know me..will leave. Coz they usually do. Except for the ones that havent.