11-10-08

To Meagan:

Never had a journal before. Seems kind of strange, but perhaps this will help.

So, what to write. Well, that's easy enough and I'm sure you already know but since I need to write it, I might as well. I love you.

Seems like a simple enough thing doesn't it? Three words. Three words which have caused more pain and joy than any other combination of words in history.

Some may wonder why pain others will not. They shouldn't cause pain. Love should be a joyous thing. However, our society has built rules and barriers against love.

Unfortunately - even you who are the most wonderful person in the world - and I - accept those barriers. Perhaps we should abide by those - before I go on. I should clarify some things:

I love you. I love you more deeply than I ever thought possible. The love they show in movies pales in comparison. It is a pure love. It's not a physical love  - though naturally it could be. I feel as if you are my soul mate. I would never do anything to harm you.

I know you don't feel the same way towads me. I hope that at some point you may come to accept my love unconditionally because that's how I am giving it to you. I ask nothing of you. I want nothing in return. While I would hope you could love me...that is not a condition of my love. I will love you with or without your love in return.

So, as we both know - the only other issue is age. Had we met later in life - when you were older, this would not be a problem. Right now everyone thinks it odd -- including both of us.

So, we struggle to resolve this "issue." There is no answer I'm afraid. I will continue to love you. No one can change that. Not you. Not I. Not anyone.

I must go shortly. There is more to say. There is always more to say. I would speak more about love and my hopes for the future. They will wait for now. I'll be back soon.

Love,
Rick

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How prophetic that first entry was. Looking back, I think I knew all along where this road led. Nothing has changed about anything I wrote there. Fears came to pass. I continue to love without return.

This was written about two weeks into the "relationship" I guess you would call it. I should probably go back and write some of that. Maybe I will but I wanted to get something out here to fill in the void. More to come.

KnightBlade KnightBlade
41-45, M
2 Responses Jul 30, 2010

Oooo - interesting!!! And beautifully written, Anna.

wow that was beautiful