I Just Wished I Didn't

...that i am hurting so much right now and i hate how i let this pain in. it was suppose to be kept outside but it got its way in and destroying me from the inside out. i hate how you don't understand me at all, anything i say or do is just an excuse for you to tell me i pick a fight, i like to fight, i always start a fight. when is ever the right time? when? never. it'll always be why did you pick a fight or make a scene now? why? really, for real we're not meant to be but i'm still hurting cause there's something i just want you to care, but you have never given a single damn about it. the thing that's called a relationship has only me in it... you are invisible. i should pretend to be happy when i'm not and i should just smile when i'm sad. great isn't it....
LovelessAdvocate LovelessAdvocate
22-25, F
1 Response Aug 4, 2010

you know if i just didnt care i it would be so much worse. there are more things in life worth being upset over. i am only one person caught in a web with overwhelming odds of survival. i love you and miss and want to make it happen and i feel thats the fight of my life but it seems i am fighting to carry 95 percent of the relationship on my shoulders all while you tell me in just not ther for you emotionaly.what can i do other that die for my love to bee seen by you witch has never been good enough from day 1. what would you suggest. i will listen and i will be patient and i will always love you more than anything i ever knew how to love anything that ever existed in my life. you are my only thing to love. and you are gone and i am empty. it was so hard to get to the top only to realize i love you more than life itself because i know u need someone. i am someone. someone who understands that staring in the face of what im up against i have accepted the challenge that i believe god has put me her for. i bleed just like you but i accept it only if it is my blood that is shed and so long you can be spared for life i would die to protect what i love so much. i just wanted to be a hero .....once not a hero everytime i got hurt by you its like torcher everytime i survive. i would just rather you kill me yourself because it is you that want even rather than living only to be alone my love...