The Only Way To Stay Sane

I am have known that I was a girl inside for like forever. Like a lot of T-Girls I went through the denial phase, did or more the point tried to do all the usual macho s&*t, military, excessive drinking while the whole time trying to kill of Paula and incidently That was never going to work,Paula is strong woman and she survived. I have both accepted and now embrace who and what I am. I have started thre process of transitioning and have `come out' to friends who I am so glad to sat have fully accepted me and are being very supportive The only question now is the time between steps as it were. Initally I was thinking of taking it slowly however the process has taken a life of its own and the speed is accelerating. I am about to start hormones however even with out them I can make myself look feminine and `pass' as they like to say.To any one else in the same situation all I can say to you is that you are not alone and life is far to short to keep yourself in what is really a self make jail. Its true that nature played a dirty trick and gave us the wrong bodyu but that was then and now is now. The other bit of advise I would like to give is that society has progressed very far in the last even five years, we are no longer seen as freaks or what not or more to the point not seen that way by a lot of people

Paula
subpaulagirl subpaulagirl
41-45
6 Responses Jul 18, 2010

Its the hardest decision to make, stay in the closet, transition or go stealthy, a women part of the time, man as required. No one can tell you what to do however you live just once. If Jocelyn is pushing her way to the front as it were then you may not have much choice.<br />
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Its been a while since I worried if some one can see if you are wearing panties !! (VERY unlikely BTW) As for your face, that hon is quite a large chunk of why there is such a huge cosmetics industry. Study your face carefully, work out what is your most feminiine attributes and you most male. Use cosmetics to hid the male enhance the female. You should be able to get some cheap cosmetics - play basically in front of the mirror just like every other young teenage girl which is where you are at mentally right now

i wonder now if i should stay closeted or transition i have a mans face women consider it handsome but i dont have much confidence in it as a girls face my body is much more ready im very slender and have good legs i fear what the world thinks and i dont want to be considered a freak and that what stops me from going all out

its getting harder for me too the way i walk has changed and because i am so slender i feel like its obvious to anyone that sees me that i am getting more and more femme i worry that men can see right through me and either a) want to have sex with me or b) beat me up i just dont care anymore ive gotten to the point where i need to be Jocelyn as much as the world will let me my truck broke down today and I was walking and this young crazy guy pulled up and offered me a ride. i had panties on and i kept worrying that they were showing and then i thought maybe thats why he offered the ride and then i thought hes going to beat me up it so confusing to me right now

Thank you Jocelyn ! I had a chat with the woman that I went shopping with and two commeeents that she made I will share. The first is that she has more male friends that female and so being with me balances thinks up, the other comment was that she would have felt very self consious shopping for bra's with a make but she was not self consious with me, Basically in her eyes I am a woman. <br />
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One thing that I have noticed about myself is that I try to keep my female side hidden fully at work however as I am coming out more and more outside of work its near enough impossible to keep that side of me hidden a work if you get my drift.

i relate to this so strongly...thank you for sharing

I am made friends with this woman who is like all the women that I have come out t have been both supportive and friendly. We went shopping today for some bras for her. I so enjoyed myself, she accepts me as a woman and that was the nature of our day, two women shopping. We tried a number of shops to find what she wanted. (she does not like bras with an underwire) I think I surprised her some what by my knowledge of bras. I did find one bra that I liked (blue and just a little lacy) After that we spend the rest of the afternoon just going from shop to shop looking at skirts, tops and dresses. I see this as part of my transition, spending an afternoon just like any other women shopping and enjoying each others company as women.