Hi, well i have never been on a site like this before, or any site for that matter and shared my life secret. however i have felt like this for so long im considering getting help from the doctor but i wanted to try this first and today was a bad day. i used to cut my self it was years ago and although i dont allow my self to do it anymore, its always on my mind lurking in the back waiting for the moment i am really down then it speaks 'it would feel so much better if you cut' it not a voice exactly i know its me but it feels like im slowly losing control. i am ocd but more in my head then my actions. sometimes, a lot of the time i dont do something because im scared it will make bad things happen. even picking something up with the left hand instead of the right or saying something four times under my breath i have to do it or it wont be ok. i feel like i have all this power and i dont want it but also have any power im letting this rule me. i hate my self. i dont deserve anything good. why do i feel like this im 24 now its been like this since i can remember why is it not going away. i have a loving family a boyfriend who i live with and he's lovely (but he dosnt understand and dosnt like me talking about my problem) i have a job. i have so much more than some people i feel disgusting being so ungrateful, but this is just how i feel. im sorry.
lilllyanna lilllyanna
26-30, F
1 Response Aug 16, 2014

If you need me, just message because I know some about psychology and understand better than some people so anytime you feel like no ones there, I'm here :D