I'm Hesitant.

I want to try it out. I'm straight but want to explore, but want everything to be alright afterward. I want it to happen, I want to be very involved with both and I don't just want to watch my fiance get ******. I want to do everything with both of them, all the while creating a stronger bond with my man.

I have thought about this for a while and finally have gotten the chance to talk to a few ppl about it... I don't know how to bring up the subject, set the bounderies, though I don't want there too many. While he's ******* her I want to be on him.

 

HOW IS THIS SUPPOSED TO WORKKKKK?????

ruggerbish ruggerbish
22-25, F
15 Responses Feb 23, 2010

Just curious, Lets just assume that you and your Fiancé work everthing out, do you have a special someone in mind?

we have talked about it but we are VERY not sure about it yet... we like the IDEA of it but we are trying to think practically and realistically about how we both would feel in the situation... we'll see how it goes...

So my wife brought this up to me last night (which is why I am looking at stuff involving it). I'm not sure. I think that it would be interesting and it would be something that my wife and I have never done with anyone else so I think that sharing the adventure would bring us closer. BUT it could also backfire and feed a sense of resentment and betrayal. We decided that IF we ever did something like that it would be with an escort so that we would have no attachment or future relationship with the person. <br />
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She positioned it like "I just want to make sure that if it's something that you want that we do it" but I'm kinda thinking that it's something that she wants to do since I've never really been into that and have never really talked about it. So now I don't want to let her down. Plus to pull everything together would be like a grand ($800 for a decent participant for 90 minutes and another $200 for a room). Who knows?

that makes a lot of sense. and to be honest, I'm not quite sure what I want exactly. I want to experience another woman and I want my fiancee to be there. I've also had it in my head as sharing the woman with him, but the two ideas seem kind of conflicting. at least, they are semi conflicting and could still cause problems if I dont figure it out. <br />
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I dont want to think tooooo much about it, but i dont want to not think about it at all either. if this was a boyfriend I might think of it differently and not care as much, but I'm MARRYING this guy and I dont want to mess everything up... he seems very lackadaisical about it all, but I just dont think he's REALLY thought about what I've said. <br />
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I dont know. Its not like I've set a date or time yet, so I have plenty of time to think about what I want exactly.<br />
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thanks.

I'm with you. My wife has talked about "picking up" some one up. I'm not sure I could do that. My feelings are I think I need to know this person a little bit first. To know them personally, what they like and dislike. A twosome can be be complicated enough and a ********* could end up a disaster if it's not discussed before hand. Not only discussing what each person likes but also understanding boundaries. <br />
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You don't want something happening at the time, that will only bother you later on. So, I agree with you, boundaries and limitations have to be discussed before hand. Now, with that said, the "event" has to be equal and fair to all parties. You can't be having all the fun and your boyfriend just sitting there on the side lines. And also, if the other woman only wants to have sex with your boyfriend, it'll make you feel left out. And I feel that these limitations need to be also agreed upon by your third party also. I just think that the anxiety associated with a ********* can be eliminated if this is all talked about before hand.<br />
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So the question I'd like to ask you is; Is the "*********" an opportunity for you to be with another woman or do you really want to experience this "with" your boyfriend? I ask this because I never think of being with another woman on my own. It always involves my wife and the both of us experiencing this "together". My wife always thinks of being with another woman with me involved in the scenario also. Is your boyfriend simply providing a "safe buffer" between you and the other woman? Could you actually see yourself making love with a woman on your own?<br />
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I guess the reason I ask is because I would hope that the "both" of you would want to have this experience for the "same" reasons. You need to be on the page at the same time.

he's definitely not cold to the idea... and its mainly me keeping us from doing it... apparently he's just fine with picking up some girl in a bar or something that we think is hot... but I'm not cool with that. I want to talk with her for a bit and lay down ground rules... <br />
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He wants to do everything from oral to intercourse, but I'm not sure I'm ok with that yet. I just want to explore with him by my side basically. <br />
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And he's mentioned in passing that I might like it better with a girl than with him, but he said he was joking. I actually saw a bit of truth in what he was saying. Meaning I think he was joking... but he wasn't joking entirely. <br />
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There's no way that I am going to do this until I get everything settled in my own life, I just want to get a lot of the facts so that when I AM ready, I will have a solid foundation...<br />
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Does that sound to OCD? I'm not anal at all, I just want to be up with the facts and how I want to approach things.

If you are not "comfortable" with your life and or relationship, it's best you stay clear of a *********. This will put to task, the best of relationships. You do have the ability to explore your interest without actually "doing it". Have you talked about a ********* during sex? Have you watched movies together that show **********. Try writing a sexy letter to you boyfriend involving the two of you and another woman and mail it to him. If he is cold to the idea, it is up to you to warm him up to it. Find out why he is cold. He may think that he could "loose" you to another woman. Maybe he thinks that you may feel that sex with a woman may be better than sex with him. This could be very threatening to him. It is up to you to find out why and assure him that you are in love with him and that is why you want to experience this "with" him instead of "without" him.<br />
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Keep us posted.

I brought it up and of course he was cool with it. but now I have to find the right time where both of us are free and not overly stressed (which I am and it makes it difficult to think about another woman) I also want to find the right girl... we have similar tastes in women (he thinks his is way different from mine bc I have called some of my friends attractive and beautiful when they aren't really attractive physically) but I know what he likes and its funny to find out (bc he explained it to me to be sure I knew though he didnt come right out and say it) that I am the extreme for him. They can't be taller than me and they can't be bigger than me size wise... which is fine bc I am not attracted to fatties. I'm actually kinda particular. oh well... he'll find out eventually. I just need to be comfortable with my life and relationship and surroundings before I add in another element.<br />
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that's reasonable right?

Honestly is the key ingreadiant to all lasting relationships-If you truly love your partner then you should be able to talk to him and express yourself openly--for better or for worse--if your relationship is to last then you have to get on the same page together or it WILL not work--how would you like it if the shoe was on the other foot and he wanted to do the same as you want to do?? I think that you probably would be hurt!! Tell him and dont be embarrassed,if there is really something their between you it will workout, you maybe pleasantly surprised!! If you dont want him in this at all,end it and go out on your own to satisfy your curiousity...Scratch your itch but please be honest with yourself and others!!!

Christ Woman just give hime a couple of drinks and bring the subject up. He will think all his birthdays and christmasses have come all at once.<br />
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If he doesn't I will be on the first flight over as a Substitute.<br />
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have Fun!!

There is plenty of information out there. My wife and I have bought a number of books on the subject. We have purchased instructional DVD's. You can even buy movies on the subject and watch them together and discuss what you like and dislike. We've been interested in FFM for a while now and we found someone to "write" to last year. We simply wanted to explore our interest without having to commit to actually doing it. It was a wonderful experience for us and the woman we were writing to as she had always had a fantasy to be with another woman also. It was fun because it brought up lots of conversation between my wife and I. Best of luck in your adventure

It doesnt hurt to try it. Find someone you really trust, make sure that person is safe, attractive, and disease free. I've tried it in highschool with my best friend and it was great! we were young and curious at that time. I have no regrets!

If you have any capacity for jealousy, you may want to consider starting out slow and setting some ground rules with your man. My girlfriend and I are considering trying a ********* someday, but because I know that she is sometimes insecure, I've decided that it would be a bad idea if the other girl and had too much interaction. Penetration between her and I would definitely be out, as would kissing. in our case, this is mostly about my girlfriend being with another woman for the first time and I get the pleasure of watching and participating to some degree.<br />
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Good luck with your adventure!

If you have any capacity for jealousy, you may want to consider starting out slow and setting some ground rules with your man. My girlfriend and I are considering trying a ********* someday, but because I know that she is sometimes insecure, I've decided that it would be a bad idea if the other girl and had too much interaction. Penetration between her and I would definitely be out, as would kissing. in our case, this is mostly about my girlfriend being with another woman for the first time and I get the pleasure of watching and participating to some degree.<br />
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Good luck with your adventure!

just talk to him. see how he feels about it. try talking to him during sex, that how i did it. then if you want. find a girl you can trust. but you must trust him first. talk to him about what you want to happen, and what you dont want to happen. think really hard, do you really want to see him sleeping with someone else? even if you say its ok? do you or does he get attracted to others easily? kissing? oral? penitration? keep this all in mind, make sure this is what you want first.