Bad Boys And Bad Girls...Tired Of Looking Around On Who I Am Supposed To Be

Many women want a bad boy at some point in their lives, while many men often want a bad girl (keeping the terminology consistent here). This was a topic I recently discussed with a friend of mine. The 'meat' (no pun intended, although it is rather chuckle worthy) of the conversation lead to some interesting observations.

Often women will ask, "What in the world does he see in her! Look how she treats him. She's a you know what. Men will often say the same thing but perhaps not in those exact words. Some will scratch their heads with a quizzical look and sometimes express, "Here I am a good guy, good job, smart, not bad looking, loving, polite and look what she goes for. I just don't get it. He treats her bad, etc."

Okay so what is it exactly that makes some one a bad boy or a bad girl? Is it the attitude? Is it the way that they perform behind closed doors? What?!!!!

Well, I can only look at it from a female's perspective and my own personal thoughts on the topic. Before I begin, let me say/qualify, I DO NOT want someone who treats me bad, as that is not the crux of my feelings regarding a bad boy... So, here it goes:

Have I ever wanted a bad boy? Absolutely. Have I ever gone for a bad boy...well, kind of sort of...Let me explain...back in the day, (not saying which day! hahah) there was this guy whom we shall call William. Good strong name for purposes of my sharing of this story. Anyway, I would see
William every single day and when I did, I lost track of my name, where I was going, the time etc. He was in my eyes, so mysterious, so self-assured, appeared to have suffered some pretty tough emotional blows somehow, somewhat quiet and so handsome...heavens to Betsy(why Betsy we do not know, but if my grandma could use her name, I can too!) was he good looking. He was tall, slim, and looked great in jeans and his button down shirt. Did I mention he was tan? Well he was and...okay getting side tracked here... He was a loner of sorts and did not always go with protocol. He did his thing on his own terms, no ifs and or buts about it.

It got to a point where I would purposefully be late to where I was headed and walk within my steps to stall and lollygag (don't you just love that idle stall worthy term?!) just to see William. So, one day, William approached me by gently placing his hand on my shoulder from behind (whoosh I'm going to faint!) and asked me (OMG he asked me!!! yes me!!!) to meet him before a football game in a pretty dimly lit area across from the concession stands. The adrenaline flowed through me like a raging river!! Although flushed and beyond excited, I replied, "Yes!"

I could not believe this tall, dark, mysterious loner type asked "ME!, yes ME to meet him!" I shared the news with a good friend of mine of which she initially was excited, but then became worried. She knew more about William than I wanted to hear. This part is important to the whole analysis of why the bad boy or bad girl thing. I told her, "Look, there will be plenty of people around...I'll be fine..He asked "ME!" I was still about ready to crawl out of my skin with excitement. Well, she kept drilling into me what his past was like. But, I only wanted to see (his mysterious quiet persona and good looks...the kind that appeared he could take care of himself quite nicely...hence, "Don't mess around with him!" and me too for that matter.) It didn't hurt that he was the black sheep of his wealthy family (son of a well known local doctor). Something about being a black sheep added to the mystery (Why was he a black sheep exactly? Poor thing, let me comfort you as your family is shunning you...You know the nurturing part of being a female, right? lol)

So, as the time passed until meeting William, the idea of it being perhaps not such a good idea began to be a reality. I had heard my friend's (whom I will call Judy at this point to give a bit more clarity to it all) words of caution clearer than before. It hit me...what if...what if this guy tried to rape me? What if he wanted to do things I was not prepared for, not just sexual things, but illicit things that could ruin my future? BAM! Well, the night we were to meet, I had my entourage of friends surrounding me like a walking motorcade around the President. They were not going to let any harm befall me. As we passed where he was standing in the shadows of the night with barely any light beaming in the general area from the stadium, I felt a chill come across me. He stood there so lean, smoking his cigarette..Ok smoking is not glamorous, but it added to his persona..move over Sam Elliott, and Clint Eastwood! Whoa baby, he was waiting for ME, ME, ME! There was a part of me that still wanted to experience (whatever that meant) William. He was a bad boy, but why was he a bad boy to me? Why...Why didn't I go through with it all? Because he was still missing something but what I do not know...and I will never know...was it I wanted more than mystery, a great bodied man who melted me like butter on a hot frying pan...what? However, as the years passed, I came to realize what bad meant to me....

Bad boy to me means the following:

One: A bad boy in part is one who does not always go with the mainstream...I'm not saying he has to break the rules and be one who does law breaking things, but a man who can not only be objective, but can voice his opinion and go against the grain now and then showing he has backbone. For lack of a better term, a man with moxy!

Two: A man who is confident in his stride, in himself and truly is true to himself and does not follow the crowd but beats to his own drum.

Three: A man who can look at you with a bit of mischief and make you melt. He need not say much, but you know exactly what he is thinking and yet he is charming too.

Four: A man who can and will protect you if the need arises. One who is not afraid to step up to the plate if the situation calls for it. One who can make you feel safe and secure, not necessarily in a monetary sense, but one in which you feel in your heart that he will not let you down, nor will he let anyone mess with you period! Hence, he has your heart and best interest protected to the fullest measure.

Five: A man who knows how to be gentle and who will let you touch his heart, but only you and in his time frame. In other words, one who although he may be able to have one of many women to choose from, he chooses you to share his pain, for even bad boys hurt inside. They just don't let any one see that pain, or it would not seem that they are bad.

Six: Yes, the bad boy must be confident behind closed doors. Confident encompasses many things of which all details won't be disclosed here. Sorry folks, what happens in ___________, stays in __________, however, confident may include, paying attention to my wants, spicing up the passion with variety, and above all putting his heart into not only me but the us of it all, as I would him. He must also like to be spontaneous as well. Liking to spoon and cuddle is a plus especially from a 'bad boy.'

Bad, boy, bad girl...these mean different things to different people. I think we all have a bit of the 'bad' in us, but many are unaware of it. It's not a bad thing in my book, but I certainly look at couples a little differently now when I think a) he's a bad boy, or b) why is he with her. I think it comes down to some underlying understanding between the two that those on the outside looking in do not see because they are not privy to it. He 'gets' her and she 'gets' him for whatever reason.

Maybe the term bad implies trying new things, having a different way of looking at others that stimulates us in ways we hadn't thought possible. It's the intrigue! I was so different than William...came from a very humble family, followed the rules, didn't necessarily go against authority/the grain...

The bad boy and bad girl satisfies whatever we are missing in our lives at any given point. Confident, self-assured, sexy by their own right, mysterious because they do not share everything with everyone, and independent yet wanting that special someone whom he/she chooses to share his/her heart with. Perhaps it's the one who is tired of being what he/she is supposed to be and one who is true to himself/herself. That is my take on the whole desire for a bad boy and I'm sticking to it? What are your thoughts?

Maybe the man who wants a bad girl and the girl who wants the bad boy thinks this..acceptance for whom they feel best being..like Gavin DeGraw sings, "I don't want to be anything than what I'm trying to being lately....I don't want to be anything other than me."