I Want to Turn My Life Around
So, the word stress if pretty big with me right now. Ive got a big family, im the baby of the family and i always seem to be at the end of everyone's jokes...Believe me i can have a laugh with the best of them, however, when what they say keeps digging at you there is going to be a point when you break.
Still, im very loyal to my family, especially my mother, there have been different situations where she hasnt shown the same back, just one example off the top of my head, a girl very badly bullied me at school, even though this was years back, it still hurts. Well last summer both my parents went to her wedding. ....this really hurt me.
In the last few months my dad has been told he has cancer and he isnt very well. Im a very strong woman, but when everything is happening around you, it does matter how small, it all adds up and gets me down. I was very upset last week end when my brother said that i was too fat to sit on his sofa....even though yes this is brother sister banter, it hurts.
One thing which i havent mentioned is ive always been a real sensible girl, no drink, drugs, etc....but over the last few months ive been having a drink to block out sadness....( i know this is wrong) .....Well this all came to a head at the week end....the family was asked to my brothers house....i was so nervous about going i had had a few drinks....very quietly... no screaming or shouting.....i felt ill so went to his bathroom and was ill. I sat there crying just saying that i was so sad....well....they found me and i was taken out of the house and 'banished ' now as the black sheep. The next day i went to the doc and cried saying that there is so much going on in my life i feel that ive really hit my wall....she was a really nice lady and said that if you kick a dog enough eventually its going to bite back.
My family are now ignoring me in a time when ive broken. Yes i was wrong to have a drink and get sick, but i felt so sad. I really want to cut my self out my family but we all live in such a small town there is now avoiding them.
I guess im just feeling embarrassed
Still, im very loyal to my family, especially my mother, there have been different situations where she hasnt shown the same back, just one example off the top of my head, a girl very badly bullied me at school, even though this was years back, it still hurts. Well last summer both my parents went to her wedding. ....this really hurt me.
In the last few months my dad has been told he has cancer and he isnt very well. Im a very strong woman, but when everything is happening around you, it does matter how small, it all adds up and gets me down. I was very upset last week end when my brother said that i was too fat to sit on his sofa....even though yes this is brother sister banter, it hurts.
One thing which i havent mentioned is ive always been a real sensible girl, no drink, drugs, etc....but over the last few months ive been having a drink to block out sadness....( i know this is wrong) .....Well this all came to a head at the week end....the family was asked to my brothers house....i was so nervous about going i had had a few drinks....very quietly... no screaming or shouting.....i felt ill so went to his bathroom and was ill. I sat there crying just saying that i was so sad....well....they found me and i was taken out of the house and 'banished ' now as the black sheep. The next day i went to the doc and cried saying that there is so much going on in my life i feel that ive really hit my wall....she was a really nice lady and said that if you kick a dog enough eventually its going to bite back.
My family are now ignoring me in a time when ive broken. Yes i was wrong to have a drink and get sick, but i felt so sad. I really want to cut my self out my family but we all live in such a small town there is now avoiding them.
I guess im just feeling embarrassed
By:
ctrhw
Age:
26-30
