Excerpt From My Future Book..Part Two: Dreams
-Fuel for the human mind
It was a warm summer afternoon with dry, heavy air that would momentarily breeze through much like waves upon a beach. I slowly opened my eyes and stared out the window and took in a orange cream colored sky, with endless whips of cotton floating weightlessly into the horizon. The wall of mountains in the distance stood ever still, casting shadows that create the most beautiful spectrum of indigo and blue. Those mountains, so massive and ancient, were sprinkled with indistinguishable emeralds that remained seemingly untouched but permanently stained with endless amounts of warm desert sunlight. Still in a half-awake state, I gazed out in sheer bliss and understood true splendor.
We typically justify spending large amounts of money on creating memories that we can hold forever. We tend to associate happiness and freedom with the ability to live life in a way where we can go places and do things where we can create the type of memories that we associate with extreme pleasure and novelty. At some point someone decided that the only way to achieve that deep level of pure joy was to engage into a system they never even decided they wanted to engage in.
From the moment a child receives their first sip of formula or mashed carrots the process begins. The pure and beautiful soul is introduced to the idea of eating mass produced “Products” designed and engineered by those seeking to “Produce” themselves “Profit”. It is of course regulated by a system that is openly recognized to be influenced by the very men they are supposed to regulate.
Next we become infatuated with our first personal material possessions.. Binkies, blankies, teddy bears, action figures, lincoln logs, dolls, toy houses, miniature cars, and squirt guns. We rejoice in letting our imaginations run wild and free in some of the simplest activities as children. How many grown-ups spend any of their time enjoying these things the way they used to?
After all, why would they? As the mind begins to develop there are a whole new set of dis-tractions to enjoy! Why shoot shoot each other with water? The first journey into the digital world of video games and movies is so much more indulging. With this unconscious belief that is formed, we first embark away from the emotional security and happiness of the inner sanctum of our minds with the excitement that we experience watching our first film. It spawns a terrible fascination with the construct of man and the struggle with himself.
As we enter pre-school and kindergarten, our first real memories begin to form. Like a fish out of water we eagerly sponge up all of this information and reference experience that forms our first beliefs that we associate with our identity. The concept of love mixed with struggle and conflict is continuously pumped into our minds with each and every movie we watch. Many youth spend more time with their teachers and caretakers then their actual parents!
These factors begin to form our early and artificial addiction to the system we live in. It is with this our innocence is lost. We begin to live our lives with an artificial hunger for the things that we remember made us feel pleasure. Endlessly scavenging for the next fix. As we grow so does our desire for something bigger and better. This is one appetite that is never truly achieved. It is with this that we slowly begin to lose our connection with the inner-sanctum within. In fact, most of us lose it completely by the age of 13.
Puberty and hormones and the natural advancement of the physical body in most cases is thrown completely off balance by unnatural diets. Many of us refused to eat our boxed mashed potatoes and meatloaf. That is, until we had the reward of processed sugars.
Responsibilities are slowly piled upon our backs as we grow older, and the idea of a future as an adult begins to form. We are required to remember seemingly useless information so that we may become “successful” after some point. Far too many young souls begin to experience “stress” as a result of all of this pressure. The only relief comes from some idea of what we would like to create with our future.
Bam! The rat race is off. We’re guided into putting in the most effort into our future in whatever way we‘re told. The harder they work, the bigger the carrot on a stick gets. The farther they chase it, the harder it becomes to bear.
Of course, not everyone decides to go in the same direction. While many cling to pursuing a career they’re told will bring them happiness, some form beliefs of unworthiness that causes them to disqualify themselves from the rat race. Even though the latter is commonly shunned in society, they are even often happier then the many who work tirelessly only to find they were little more then a slave. Others become angry and act out against their peers and elders to ease their pain. There is a final group that is quickly becoming the majority that I call escapists. As they journey farther from their true selves, they find security in altered states of mind. States that can be induced by an infinite number of external sources. Sports, video games, food, the internet, sex and of course drugs many times cause us to revert into an untouchable and preserved facet deep within ourselves. While not all are necessarily destructive they quickly become addictions that cause much suffering.
All the various seeds planted into our impressionable and naïve minds often grow into large weeds. Weeds that choke out the flowers of our consciousness. They’re planted unknowingly and as such the idea of removing them never occurs. Some very unfortunate people begin to believe that it’s not even worth the effort for they will simply grow back. Others refuse to recognize the weeds as something that is slowly destroying them.. All they see is a weed infested garden and the idea that these weeds now define them.
At some point the world seems to have lost it’s magic along the way. We bog ourselves down with social constraints, hindering us from being who we really want to be in order to be accepted by the whole. It’s repeated every morning for several years: “Indivisible, one nation under god.” We become “realistic” and many of us abandon our dreams of being a journalist or photographer. Another voice makes itself at home in our heads constantly reminding us of why we can’t feel a certain way. The voice of doubt that slowly starts with the realization that some of the most fascinating creatures like the tooth Fairy and Santa were simply lies.
It’s no wonder so many of us feel lost and confused by the time we “come of age”. Something just doesn’t seem right and for many all of the disappointment and pain turns into a certain numbness and an addiction to the mediocre. Others follow the “straight and narrow” and are typically even more devastated when their efforts didn’t result in the results they expected. It is from this that a certain kind of learned helplessness is born. Unknowingly their lives become guided by fear instead of love.
When we hear the word “fear” it’s often associated with things we are repulsed by and avoid at all costs. Why is it then that we are so often fearful of going out and achieving our dreams? As human beings we all cling to a sense of certainty within ourselves. In this crazy world where everything can seem so fast paced; where living paycheck to paycheck is a reality that all too many of us share.
The beginning stages of my journey to truly discovering that I had the power to make all of my dreams come true involved a book that was gifted to me from a good friend that contained some of the most ancient and perfect wisdom known to man. It was a fantastic translation of the sacred Buddhist text that is referred to as the Dhamma Pada. At the time, I was enduring a large amount of pain and frustration and I very much enjoyed the idea of detaching myself from all the sources of what I believed caused me pain. However, it only resulted in more frustration when the changes I made proved to be extremely short-lived.
I detached myself from all of my sources of attachment with the hopes that I would become happy. What I found was that after a short period of time I felt a huge void within myself. I knew why my vices were holding me back and I had a surge of motivation for change. If I were to quit smoking Tobacco and Marijuana, I would be able to focus on working out and taking care of myself. I would substitute these substances with doses of meditation and further study of my newly discovered divine text. So what went wrong then?
The fact was I had found a new way to put off the pursuit of my dreams. This was not a means to an end. It was simply a way of life that would put me in exact same place I was before. The only difference is that it was most definitely healthier, and more respectable in my mind because of the discipline that I associated with it. I knew, even with the web of naiveté veiled over my eyes that discipline was a trait I lacked and was a vital key to my success.
You see, I had found aspects of my life that I wanted to improve, but they we ba
Somewhere along the way I got lost in the haze. I created my own world and no one was going to convince me that I was wrong in doing so. After all, I wasn’t hurting anyone! The purest forms of happiness began to elude me because I limited myself to a very few places to find it. I got so attached to them that I began to forget there was other more sustainable ways to find true joy. So much so that when I did actively seek them out, they would be short lived and I ultimately would feel even worse in my failure.
Countless times I would be inspired to make the changes in my life I knew would make me happier. For every one of those times I tried and failed my level of confidence in commandeering the ship of life dwindled. It dwindled all the way to the point of actually seeking out things that would make me feel out of control. So much relief to live a life where you don’t have to worry about being in charge of everything! This is the exact reason why we do the things we do- it is motivated by the intense desire to be in control of our reality. So many times those golden intentions crashed into the rocks of willpower.