Part 1 - Higher Ground

Where does one begin?

Turning a life around... no matter what the outside perceptions might be of your troubles, no matter how large or paltry the obstacles that face you, they are still your obstacles and they are as large as they are in your eyes, regardless of their true magnitude.

And the rotten thing is that things are always terrible, difficult and insurmountable until that very last moment when suddenly you realise that you have triumphed. When is the hill fully climbed until the crest is reached, and the vista unfolds out before you, the struggle suddenly behind you.

Change happens in an instant, even if it takes a life time to build towards that moment.

A crucial mistake I have made is trying to decide and chose too much whilst at my weakest point.

One must seek higher ground: the lay of the land is not visible from the depths of the forest.

Pack all your conflicting dreams carefully for the trip, but the timefor the final choice between them is later. Let them guide you to a better place from which to decide, one foot in front of the other, to guide you away from whatever your deepest darkness is, or away from your current greatest obstruction.

Then you are in full flight, when you are at your best, that is when you will make your bravest and most beautiful decisions. That is when your understanding is at its greatest. Seek your highest heights.

(Ironically, for me, my current greatest obstruction is overuse of this website. To be sure, this should not be too hard to solve, but obviously there is something far deeper driving this. And that is where the real battle lies. )
TheTardyDodo TheTardyDodo
31-35, M
9 Responses Sep 4, 2007

Wow. Thank you so much for writing this. I've just found it. Yet I've been on this site more or less since you wrote it. I guess it's just come to me. And how did I find it? I followed a depressive suicidal bloke I decided to relate to. I read his post here, and yours came up in the list to the right.

So, being here can help you a great deal. This is what I've been doing, without realising it. Moving away from my greatest obstacles, yet wanting to overcome them simultaneously, and getting frustrated at that. In fact, I'm developing the strongest work ethic I've ever had, and the strongest rejections of criticism that's meaningless - and thus conviction in myself. Self respect.

From that vantage point, overlooking the problems, I will make good choices for me.

It's clear now, only thanks to your post.

Thank you once again :D

True words, everybody... And the tough thing is that, in order to get yourself over the obstacle, you have to do things that scare the hell out of you. You have to go through them with all that junk piled up over your shoulders. Umm.. drag yourself up the hill with the hill on your back??<br />
Oh I guess you know what I mean, anyway... haha. <br />
The best of luck! Use this site as support, not a crutch :) And try to do exactly the thing you're avoiding. You know what I'm referring to...

El Lagarto - It is indeed rather meta that the very obstacle itself should be the vehicle for expressing that obstructiveness. I do concur with what you say - difficult change always takes sufficient motivation. Some people are better at it than others, although I'm not in that camp. Your advice is very sound, the manageable steps are the only way to gather any momentum.<br />
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Celainn - I guess that this story is my offering to the voices in a way. There is no need for *change* yet, merely to go back to places that one has been before, but find the high places, rather than the low ones. Perhaps when you are at the high point of the unchanged self, then the voices will scream less loudly?

How conceptual that you've identified overdependence on this site as an issue for you and expressed this concern here! (It may be becoming an issue for me as well. It's an easy palce to get lost - and quite addicitive.) My experience has been that change is hard and people don't change until they must, until there simply is no alterative. Then they are overtaken by a sense of relief. But looking for mighty acts to cause radical changes all at once is a bad idea. This expectation leads to disappointment and then resentment. Better to think of it in terms of turning the course of an ocean liner - or eating an elephant - one bit at a time. Setting achievable goals makes change a lot easier, and less frustrating. "I will change the world," is a dream - "I will do something good for someone today" is an achievable goal. Rock on Tardy - you're the man.

Argh!!! *swerves some more* How do you control this thing?! ;P

Funny how that ended up coming back to the idea of turning ones life around... but.... stop swerving!!!! Yikes!!!

*swerves dangerously* yikes!

Yeah. :) But I guess that's the thing that makes it all worthwhile. What comes too easily is never well-treasured. But why does it have to be *so* hard to get anywhere? It's not like I am battling with any significant disadvantages. Unlike you, who has to navigate all those damn roundabouts!

Astonishing words of wisdom, as always! => What you said is so true. You have to carry the heavy, awful stinking burden, right up to the point when you've crossed the line, and suddenly you're free and the burden is gone. But until then, knowing that there's a long way to go until you feel relief is definitely not an encouraging factor! Sucks, eh? =[