The Perfect Pretty Actress

Thats what i am! I am such a better actress than i ever thought i could be. Today proved that to me, i smiled lauged and hugged everyone at school who thinks there my friend. I manipulate them and stuff my emotions. It was easy infront of them but now at home...i fall to pieces and slowly kill myself with this cutting. Tmrw i have an appt with the guidance counselor after school and i just want her to know im not as okay as everyone thinks. These longsleeves hide the crimson tears i cry everynight. My eyes no longer water its as if they are blocked by a steel flood gate. But i know this act will wear off soon, the time will come when i cant hide t anymore and i will have to hide my tear stained cheeks, but honestly im trying to remake myself in a way. Everyone hated me last year cuz of my issues and now *what a shocker* they suddenly wanna talk to me cuz "im happy normal teen". In a way it makes me hate me more to know that they cant accept me for how i am and that i have to be fake for them to like me...really stings and makes my eyes water right now. I wonder how long this mask will appear on my face before it breaks...or will it never break and i will live my life always silently screaming but having no one to hear my cries. I hate pretending cuz all it does is hurt memore
hurtingforever hurtingforever
13-15, F
Sep 6, 2012