I Want To Warn You About Emotionally Unavailable People...

Girls and Boys,

If the person you are dating is doing any of the following to you, DUMP him/her and RUN! They are not capable of loving you or anyone else for that matter...I had heard the term "emotionally unavailable" before, probably on Dr. Phil or something, but forgot all about it until my dad used that term to describe my recent ex. Here are the symptoms:

  • he never does what he says he will do
  • he doesn't maintain regular contact with you--he's not thinking about you unless you're standing right there in front of him, and sometimes not even then
  • you always feel you are at the bottom of his priority list
  • he puts up barriers so you can't get into his world and doesn't involve you in his life activities
  • he is married, not over an ex, or a workaholic (in my case, my ex insulated himself in a world of work so he wouldn't have to connect with anyone)
  • you just have this sick feeling in your gut that he/she is not treating you how you deserve to be treated or that the relationship is not "normal"
  • they are not there for you during a crisis (my mother passed away, and he spent an hour on the phone telling me what he went through when HIS mother died--I couldn't get a word in edgewise)
  • there is always a reason he cannot meet you
  • you never know if you have plans or not until the last minute, or when he will call next
  • your relationship starts off hot and heavy, then goes no farther than a certain point. he cannot make emotional connection with you, so the relationship just sort of stalls in neutral.
  • when confronted about how your needs are not being met, he will blame everything on you.

My ex had been through two nasty divorces and is a very sensitive person. As a result, he developed a very negative attitude about women, but wanted to have one in his life so he could have the benefits of a relationship without having to actually RELATE to the person. It should have been a red flag to me that in the 10 years since his second divorce, he hasn't been in a long-term (year or more) relationship.  Someone like this will not change without professional help! They will leave you feeling unloved, unattractive, uncared for, and otherwise lousy. It is frustrating, distressing, and depressing!  Leave now, and find someone who is capable of giving and receiving love!
wooten3955 wooten3955
3 Responses Aug 8, 2010

Yeah, that's my ex to a T. It sounds like narcissism and emotionally unavailable are the same. Living with him was the most traumatic experience in recent years.

I agree with sxdup--excellent post!! I've dated guys like that and they just suck the life right out of you!

Excellent post. Peeps would be wise to heed your advice!!