Dear God,

I am so tired. I wish I could just lay down for the last time and wake up in heaven. I try so hard to do the right things. I try so hard to be a good person but the suffering never ends. I am tired, so tired. When will this nightmare finally be over. Every time i think I am carrying more than i can take-- someone else ***** on me.  I know the Bible says you will never give me more than i can bare but from where I'm standing it looks as though i am going to collapse. People die everyday. When will it be my turn. I don't want to be here anymore. My life has fallen to pieces. I have no more pride, no more hatred, no more greed, no more gluttony, no more lust. I am working on anger and vanity. I am no longer spoiled. I feel like I have fought the good fight. I need a break. I feel like I'm going to have a nervous breakdown and end up in a mental institution. Please help me. Please tell me what i need to do. Order my steps. I know you are here but the world is so cold. It seems like i've just messed it all up and i dunno if i should just keep going this way or start over. How long must i pay for the things i've done? I am soooo sorry. I just want to go back to when we all played as kids. I know i am blessed. I have health, beauty, intelligence and shelter. I am so thankful for the things i do have but i am just really tired and i feel like i'm so alone and so far from home. I feel like i'm lost and i don't know which way i'm going. Some days i get by; other days i want to put a gun in my mouth and just end it all. I am sorry for complaining, i know others are dealing with much greater things. I thank you for all your many blessings. Please just point me in the right direction...or let me come home.

With love,
js
JoyfulSilhouette JoyfulSilhouette
22-25
3 Responses Dec 5, 2012

It's like you just took the words off my mouth ... and heart! Sometimes I myself wish He'd take me instead of somebody else, saying that their lives is definitely worth saving than mine. Yet, I'm still here. Surely God see's things differently. Guess we still have something to do for HIM. as you said, point me in the right direction..... Bring it on!

I hope you found the relief you were looking for. I too need a break, but of a different kind and for different reasons. I will pray that you have found peace. hang in there. sometimes God puts things on us to test us. he wants to make sure he is getting the right people to fight the fight for him.

Thank you, I am doing a lot better now :-)

Bless your heart JS You need a break from it all. Can you go somewhere, by yourself, for just a few days. Maybe your mom can help with a round trip bus ticket to nowhere. Just bring your books, drawing paper, etc and ride to and fro. Just you alone. Very concerned for you beautiful one. Please do something for just yourself. If not the ride, then something?

i gotta do something. Somethings gotta give. I don't know what. I keep praying its almost over. I know its darkest just before the dawn...i don't know how much darker it can get. I know i keep getting in the way of myself. I am so regretful for having a child i want to get my tubes tied. I love my baby boy but i am not in a good place to care for him. I am so poor. God, sometimes i just wish the world would just end.

Baby, baby, baby. My heart is aching for you. You are so precious and special. You have to endure more in your short life than some of us in a lifetime. I so much want to help. You know that. Please promise me that you will not give up just yet. There are still things you can do.

I won't give up today. Tomorrow is a new day maybe some good will come of it.