My First Love...

Missing him so much yar….

Its me a gal in love with a boy who is my best friend.. I proposed him so  many times but he doesn’t love me… m here in pune nwadys working  .. and he is in Mysore doing job..

Damn bad yar…I  love him only… not interested in anyone else.. why don’t know… may be there is no one except him in my life to be loved by me…
 Its hard to live without him… cant control my feelings nd badluck is so worst that now m feeling I don’t hav anyone in my life wid  whom I can share my feelings .. I called him but he is not responding in a good manner.. he is busy as always…how could I tell him yar I love him so much.. why  the hell he is not understanding.. its not easy to forget him infact I m not able to forget him..

He is not at all interested in me nd I think now may be he has some one else in his life so that he wil never come back..

We met after our 12th.. he was in my class in 12th. I do remember that he used to observe me while writing exam or during practicals. But we never talked in college. After that I sent him request on orkut nd it was d place where we first started  talking  wid  each other..
Day by day we started talking in gud manner and then he gave me his no.
I was nt havng mob but stil I started using mom’s mob n there we started messaging.. messages were going on for late nights without any hesitation..
But we didn’t meet direcly..
After about 6 months I think I first met him to give my class notebook during exam days in engineering (F.E)..
That day also I was  wearing scarf.. :-)
I started trusting on him nd so as he.. he used to tell me everything that comes in his mind may it be so cheap may it be so personal.. he was telling me everything…

He told me about his gf… yeah he had a gf… but then after some time they had a big fight nd they broke up.. I tried to resolve d matter but couldn’t do it.. he introduced me to his one of gud friends of tht time also..

He always tld her about me… that I am like is this nd that .. she is really gud n all.. m not saying this but his frnd told me.. at tht time I was one of d 4 to 5 ppl who wer close to him… n then slowly this no got down nd only I remained in his life as his best friend.. he as usual was telling me everything… tried to flirt wid me … days passed by nd I fell in love wid him… one day I proposed him online sd yes I love u ..
He sd thts fine…..nw sleep… I do remember, I couldn’t sleep tht day for whole night thinking what he must be thinking about me… nd how he wil react.. I did message him til around 4 in morning but he was sleepn… when he woke up in morning then he replied “ru mad , nd etc..”  that day I was angry on him but thn smhow things went better nd we startd talking a lot…  I startd expecting from him…(my first mistake)… started caring for him so much… started thinking about him al d time…

We started meeting in evenings… I went out for a drive wid him thrice… it was awesme yar.. once he forced me to say I love you while on phone… I did that als… I got involved in him completely by d end of 3rd year of our engineering…

Couldn’t control my feelings startd reacting to everything related to him.. cried alot for him thinking he might leave me alone nd move ahead… I told him why m scared , what I don’t want, what I want.. I proposed him 2 3 times by then… but badluck he was not in love wid me… in final year or 3rd year last sem he finally sd no.. I cried a lot.. thought frm nw I wl not talk wid him.. did that als but couldn’t hold it for long time nd decided to adjust wid d situation… but  m als a human being yar… how can I stop expcting, imagining… that too from a guy whom I love a lot…
By then seeing my situation, he understud that m badly in invlvd in him he startd neglecting me, trying to avoid me… It hurts a lot yar… I alwys thought hw d hell I explain him that I cant live without him. But he is not like other guys.. he nevr gav up nd continued wid same behaviour… it hurts a lot when u love some one a lot nd al of a sudden u start realising that he is ignoring you…


Worst period of my life started by then.. during exam he stopped contacting me.. for cmplete 2 months he didn’t talk to me… I know hw I managed myself n gave d exam… after exam he told me that I was getting disturbed because of him nd so he did it..  he started reacting so differently.. I was feeling so helpless for every moment I talked wid him… I wanted him badly ,in every moment of my life nd he said no… its so bad when u still continue loving someone whn tht person neglects u…

Through same situation m gng thru now als only d difference is I m much stronger than I was in my college days… m here alone , missing him almost every day of my life… nd he is smewher els.. whenever I miss him so much that I couldn’t do anything else I message him.. but i don’t expect  rpl frm him because I knw nw tht m nt important for him anymore….

Don’t know when he will come.. nd even if he came he will talk to me or not.. m sure about only one thing that I love him nd I miss him so much everytime..

I never behaved such badly wid anyone that those things are coming in my life in reverse.. but then why its happening I don’t know… I love you yar.. I miss you so much.. I feel so lonely without you.. when you will understand I don’t know I jus wish he wil come back to me… my life is jus going ups nd down…!!! I tried to look for sm1 els als but its not possible yar.. he has become so important part of my life tht I cant rip it out… love him a lot… 

shukla46 shukla46
22-25
May 21, 2012