Chapter 1 - The Early Years

Because I wish to remain somewhat anonymous on EP, I'm not going to disclose anyone's real name, including my own.  However, everything other than names is true.

The Autobiography of Fred Gorgonzola (abridged version)

Chapter 1 - The Early Years (a.k.a., the years I can hardly remember)

I was born in a hospital in the city of Houston, in the great state of Texas.  While I was not born early enough to be considered premature, I was induced a day early.  This is because I was due on a holiday, and the doctor wanted that holiday off.  How unselfish of him.  I was delivered vaginally with the help of forceps.  When they placed me on the scale, I weighed eight pounds, three ounces.  I didn't have any major defects, although I did have a few issues that I would need operation on.  These operations occurred before I had ever left the hospital.
First of all, one of my eyes was crossed, so they surgically repositioned my eye muscles and had me wear an eye patch for about a year.  I also had an undescended testicle, which they surgically lowered.

At the age of one year old (this is only a guess), I was diagnosed with epilepsy.  I had occasional generalized seizures in which I would tense up and jerk.  I was put on Depakote for a while, and then once the doctor thought it was safe, I went off the medicine and had no more seizures for a long time.

I was evidently a lazy baby.  I didn't start walking until I was 24 months old.  Well, at least physically lazy.  I started talking plenty early.  My first word was "light."  I would always look up at the ceiling when my mom carried me around, point at the light bulbs, and say, "Light!"  I evidently was very calm too.  Everyone in my family says I hardly ever cried or even got in trouble.  I was very quiet and...well...stationary.

My first memory is when I was three years old.  It was Christmas time, and I was in front of the Christmas tree in my Mickey Mouse rocking chair.  My mother had one of those '80s retro camcorders that rests on your shoulder and has a big VHS tape inside.  I was singing "Jingle Bells" and "The Twelve Days of Christmas."  My mother evidently thought I was going to forget the words (which I didn't), so she decided to mouth the words for me.  I was so confused!  What's-a Mama doin'?" I asked in my three-year-old voice.

She laughed.  "I'm pantomiming!"

"Mama to sing, Fred to pantomime?" I asked her innocently.

She laughed again.  "Okay."  She then commenced to sing the songs that I was previously singing while I mouthed the words.

I still have that video back at my parents' house on that old VHS tape.  We often watch it during Christmas season.  It's kind of one of our traditions.

At about this same time, my parents were going through a divorce.  I really can't even remember my dad living with me or anything about the divorce.  My parents don't like to talk about it either, so I don't know much about what really happened.  All I know is that my dad was the one who didn't want to be married.  My mom claims to have tried to make it work.

Stay tuned for Chapter 2 - "My Childhood."  I think I'm going to post it--along with each other chapter--as a separate story.

RopinTexan RopinTexan
22-25, M
6 Responses Jan 26, 2011


Sounds like you were the easiest baby ever! didn't start with "La" though...

His first word started with L... Fast Learner :-)

It says "to be continued" for a reason...

Wow, you must be young if this is as far as you've gotten in life ;)