Unknown Title--part 1

  She got out of her tower looking around..something she thought she heard,a metal noice..Was it real or not?Nothing..but rain..Was it her imagination?She felt the rain on her face,thinking her pain would vanish.She already knew she died but the pain was always there.How can u tell?Noone could see..

She started walking in the rain.People passing by her,she could feel their pain,their happiness..she could see in their eyes but noone ever looked at her.She already died but kept walking.All her life she kept dreaming..How could she?Her heart has so many scars..Yet she never stopped.Good for her?Poor girl,her heart gets so cold so many times but noone cares.She knows people laugh at her..What she supposed to do?

A man in a corner wanted help.He wanted money..She stopped and looked at her pockets,she had some and gave to him.He smiled to her but she couldnt.She used to be so happy..Sometimes she felt the need someone to hug her,but noone was there..noone to hold her hand,noone to share thoughts or laugh with..Now walking in this wet street,she looked at the sky..

 

annasangels annasangels
18-21, F
15 Responses Mar 26, 2009

If you really want to write, you need to present your work the best you can. When a piece is littered with bad punctuation and wrong tense, however good the story or idea, people will turn off from it. Keep writing, but give it a polish before sharing. Good luck with future writing.

i will..

This is really good. You have an intriguing style - this story feels similar to several dreams I've had. Keep writing!

:) glad u like it

thanxs..that was nice dad

I hope that as she looks to sky she see's a bit of sunlight fighting its way through the clouds and sees a rainbow full of colors .... and as she turns her next corner finds someone who extends his hand and offers to walk with her .... and be with her on her journey so she knows she does not have to walk alone ... <br />
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My thoughts you have a great style of writing Angel

Very good choice of writing style for you AAA. You do some really good work. Ever consider being an author?

it needs some changes Konrad..<br />
salar..just a story..

Spoken from the heart little one ..... not a confession I hope ......

It's really good...I just think you need a more personal flavor to it.

still needs to change a bit..but thanxs :)

Very good in the style, I am interested in what is next in the story. <br />
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Interesting how you mix that she is dead for what appears to be inside, that her soul is dead but yet she lives on with out feeling.<br />
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Think that it is good.

thanxs for ur opinion..

thanxs*

i like your style of righting its very good.