Why Letting Go Is Easier Said Than Done

Ah, I have so many things to share about this. This is where matters of the heart comes in and it's not as easy as when you say, "Okay, I have to let this go because it will just hurt me if I continue lingering with these thoughts when I know there is nothing I can do to change things that already happened."
I remember when I was 18 and fell in love for the first time (okay, I'm a late bloomer, so what?), I can't eat, can't sleep and crying all the time. I think that was also the same time I developed depression. Then my mom, maybe she can't deal seeing me so depressed any more and she told me that during my life time, I will fall in and out of love many times. And I pretended I did not hear her, I continued whatever I was doing at that time. But for many, many years, her words stuck to me. It's still reverberates in my memory, those exact words and I know exactly what she meant. 
But my biggest question is, even if I did fell in love and out of love many times, it's always different and it cuts deeply each time. Like I have never learned at all. Or never been prepared for the worst, to bear the pain.
Then I fall again, into deep depression, so many sleepless nights... it's just like a pattern, the same thing when you look at the rain outside the window-- you hear the tapping sounds and you see the droplets on the window pane. 
It's a sad feeling that's trying to come out and be spoken but then the tears have to dry out and those words were never said... they were written instead, here at EP.
Letting go is just the hardest thing to do.
arianne19 arianne19
36-40, F
Jul 30, 2010