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Some Women Had No Choice

all this talk of how women and feminism has ruined the family because women wanted to work to feel equal to men isn't every woman's story. i can only speak for myself but i haven't personally know one woman who didn't have to work, would rather have stayed home and raised her children. maybe if the husbands, bf's and fathers hadn't been such lazy, shiftless deadbeats they would have been able to be home makers but they had to go to work to feed their children and pay the bills, do the job that the men abandoned. so, in those cases, if men want to blame someone for the fall, the decline of the family, they have to look no further than to their fellow bretheren.
jerrica jerrica 41-45, F 16 Responses Apr 23, 2012

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dozer you have no creditability .. sorry dude!<br />
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not after what we found out about who you are .....<br />
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go **** on ur bench some where else. ok

LOL! what i want to know is why is he back given that ep gave him the boot? they know he's here and i guess they've decided to let him stay. if that's the case, why remove him in the first place?

yep i had no choice but to work to care for my child, the father was no where to be seen .... if i didnt work my child would of gone to foster care.... <br />
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green who do u think cares for the children men neglect ???

that's right and that's been the case for so many women, a fact that some people fail to see. they're either blind or ignorant.

yea .. it amazes me ! god for bid you give women any respect for working and brining home the bacon and careing for thier children .. i was and still am both mom and dad to my child... i dont know to many men who work and care for thier children as a single parent, one of my pet peeves is.... that it seems single moms get more of the bad rap, compared to men .... the aussie guys in the mens right grp has posted a story on single moms, hating on them... they forgot for every single mom there is a single dad ... they act like single moms became that way on thier own ...such stupidty...

out of all of the single parents i know, and that's a lot, i can think of only one single dad and he's been a good one. other than that it's been women carrying the ball alone, something that they didn't choose to do alone. people who think they did are idiots.

The feminist goal of destroying families, leaving husbands, taking his children, and forcing him to support her anyway, was adopted by Feminism at its organizational meeting in Seneca Falls, NY, in 1848. Over more than a century and a half, organized feminism has waged a war against men, marriage, and families. It is not rational to deny the effects of their160 years of feminist hate war on families.

you are entitled to think what you please but i don't want to hear that MRA horseshit on MY story, alright? ******* that i know had to work and assume the so called man role simply because there was no other choice and if they hadn't they and their children would have been on the streets thanks to slacker dads and husbands. so, if being in the workforce out of necessity makes a ***** a feminist, then so be it.

Sure, no problem. We don't want disturb your misandrist fiction.

if you want to believe that it's fiction that a lot of women have to work to pick up the slack left by deadbeat men, go for it. i wouldn't expect anything less from a misogynist lol. you might uphold deadbeat dad and husbands but i don't. if anyone believes in fairytales, it's you boo boo.

I work for my kids, to support their extra-curricular activities and some material needs their father never really care to support. My children get skilled and developed confidence outside school. I don't have to rely the financial burden to my husband, since he won't give his support anyway. But it is just how financial responsibilty should be handled to some families. Sharing responsiblities, wether through obligations or not. <br />
Also I believe that the quality is important than the quantity of time spent with children.

LOL! We are all entitled to our own opinions. And life styles varies from one home to another. =))

won't give his support? why should he get a free pass in not supporting his family in any way that's needed? that's a man not worth having in my book. how my mom put up with a slacker husband for so many years is beyond me but i vowed not to follow suit.

i had / have no choice.... if i dont work .... i lose everything

i know that's right!

It would be great is other good men can talk to their others brothers near and far and guide them to be a good man for themselves and others too. The world would be a better place if we encourage men to be gentlemen rather than name calling. Give them a suggestion of solution to a problem rather than just labeling it. We all need encouragement.

i can appreciate what you said but who has the time to hand hold and guide grown men into what they should be doing? we're not talking about children but rather grown ups that know they have business to take care of. how old does a person have to be before they get that? i've been working myself since i was 15; no one had to guide me or encourage me; i knew what needed to be done and i didn't even have a family to raise save my niece that i finished raising after my mother's death.

Hello. I don't mean as in you have to devote a section of your life to do that. Like what you're posted and your tale on the issue itself is one way or as simple as you have a conversation with someone is expressing their idea of being lazy as a something ok and you can say something truthful but don't have to be rude and mean that help them to see that their practice is not correct and it is not acceptable in reality as a positive action and then give them a quick idea of what is acceptable and how their choice of action have a positive impact on the world that we live in. Don't need to be long or lengthy to say what is true and powerful to have a powerful impact. Just the truth and to be brave and stand by it. Thank you for your thought and post.

No matter how old you are if the brain is working it can be learn but it is a matter of will and choice.

ha, looks like many men made the choice to be deadbeats and slackers of their own free will.

yep my son father made the choice to not be there ............ and my own father would rather chew bullets then have his children near him

*nods in agreement*

3 More Responses

my sister-in-law blames familial breakdown for the rise of discipline issues in our schools

that could be. when the family is fractured and there isn't discipline in the home, kids are going to act up somewhere.

speaking of friend... . my g/f belives that parents dont have the same rights as they use to when it comes to discipline......... even kids know that...... they scream, ill call the cops etc

Where I grew up, most of my friends were poor because the dad either didn't work or drank most of the money. I was lucky that our dad didn't drink all the money, but he had enough other sins to make up for it. One girl in particular that I can remember had a really strong mom. We all liked her She drove the school bus, so I guess her job paid better. But I know that was the only reason my friend ever got to eat or had a roof over her head was because of her mom. Her dad wouldn't even let them get food stamps because he was against them, saying "only people got them". Too proud to admit he was on the verge of killing his own family with his drinking. Yeah, so if doing what you need to do to save your kids makes you a feminist, then I am one.

absoulutely! that makes me a feminist also because i've had to take care of business without any assistance from a man. great comment, wish i could vote it up more than once :)

thanks jerrica. I see EP edited out words some words I put in between brackets. Oh well, no sense in repeating bigotry.

really e/p edited out ur comment?

Actually, most men would probably stay home with the kids, too. I was a stay at home Dad for our daughter from the time she was about 2 months old--worked from home while my wife went out and taught.

I know people who have done that too....if the wife is the higher earner then it makes perfect economic sense

That, plus her contract gave us family medical coverage.

I think most women with children would rather stay at home, but many have to work..not through any fault of their husband/BF/parthner..it's simple economics..and in a lot of cases to have a decent home, in a decent area, car, food etc then they simple need 2 salaries

Most of the working women I've known had a husband who worked, too.

yeah thats what I mean...maybe he doesn't earn enough or nowadays if you want nice things..like holidays, car etc..then both have to work..simple as that

yes that's true that many women and their mates have to work and not because their mate was a slacker but that's been the reason that women i've known personally have had to be in the workforce. there just was no other choice.

People who feel that women working is responsible for the breakdown of families are presumably looking at it only from a traditional angle where the standard male and female roles were taken for granted. Perhaps the real culprit is the capitalist society in which we live. People (of both sexes) spending long hours away from their families to fulfil the need (or desire) to make money doesn't seem conducive to fostering close, stable family units. Capitalism offers many benefits, depending on your point of view, but I think it often tends to place considerable strain on families rather than encourage a tight bond.

well i know in my mother's case she had to work long hours to make sure that her children were provided for since she had a husband that had sporadic work habits and was irresponsible with the money that he did earn most of the time. so irresponsible that we nearly lost our home due to taxes not being paid.

I have to say my upbringing was different. Not better but different. I lived in a household were my mother did not have to work, she wanted to, she enjoyed her job and associates. After many years she became unhappy and left the work force, she began to find interest in other endeavors and has volunteered and worked on and off. <br />
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Our bills were always paid and I dare say we were spoiled in many ways. But while my father was busy buying and paying for everything there were often times I would have much preferred to have had his attention.<br />
I know my younger brother felt the same. We both desperately tried in different ways to get his attention, I sought approval my brother was happy to get any response at all and participated in dangerous criminal behaviors.<br />
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We got to go to disneyland and the beach, we had plenty of food, and clothes ...everything....but it came at the price of having a meaningful relationship with our father. I would so gladly give up many of the trinkets and trips to be able to truely know my dad.<br />
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I've come to the point in my life where I've had to get past that longing ... it is painful still... I come from parents that came to america in search of a great life, and in many ways achieved that life, but having relatives so far away (switzerland and germany) made the need to have my mother and father and brother much stronger than it may have had we had easy access to our extended family. The absence of my father was much more accute.<br />
Having that upbringing also means I feel a huge responsibilty to my family, when my grandparents got ill, I stopped my life to care for them, as I was the one who had the most availability, I am so happy I did this and I wouldn't want it any other way. But the distance I have with my father worries me because I happily assume I will care for my parents when they are in need of it, however I do not know how I would do it for my father without my mother. Meaning the lack of the relationship and closeness would make it difficult....<br />
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Well this is rambling .... my point is.... as children we need both our parents... we need them not just for finacial support but for the special love that is unique in father child and mother child relationships. Dads shouldn't be just workers and providers, they should also get to be parents.

dad should be more than workers and providers, true, but he pretty much failed as a parent also. i might have been able to better take him not being the greatest of providers if i could say that he was a good, loving parent but i can't unfortunately.

That's the heartbreak isn't it? That this society not only permits but pressures fathers to renig on their responsibilities as a parent...

*nods in agreement*

(((Hugs)))

1 More Response

My mother lost interest in us kids when we started high school- perhaps because two or us had disabilities and were hard work. So we all left home very young and one of my brothers has nothing to do with her. The fact is she put her career first because she lost interest- she was burnt out and not a natural mother. Dad did have a job but he drank a lot of the money. They also had no relatives in the country and no support. That taught me that people shouldn't have kids unless they're sure they can commit to their needs in the long term not just the first ten years. As a result I ended up bringing up my brothers and I got exhausted by the time I was 20. So I am 40 this year and not married and have no kids. So I have a wonderful career instead in the health sector. I have a good relationship with my Dad these days- he has stopped drinking.

the women who live in my country are very smart, and small part of women are very wise, the best ability they own was to seek a man who was worth to marry, in reality of society, most of the women have this ability , and they also have a job , maybe not a very profitable job, but it can feed themselves enough, but even they can feed themselves yet they don't wanna a baby , they rather to marry with a man , because they believe they can't feed their baby enough, you can't imagine that feeding a baby how much the money that will be spent, so they can't afford it , they choose to give up. but as you think that, yes, indeed, a lot of man was like that, in China, especially sons of government official and the sons of rich both were the black sheep, they drive the luxurious car with models and beauties whole day , others even are not very good, but they are not the black sheep, whatever how poor they are, they fight for life, for justice. but as a woman , I think you should widen your vision, and see the future before you regret´╝î whatever the smart you are or how much money you can earn, you should be the wise woman first, that is the most important value you own.

hmm not sure that i understand the point you're trying to make. i know i was wise enough not to depend on the men i knew or have their babies because i knew that i would have been left out in the cold with no help from them.

they can bite me too because, as it was for your mom, that has been the reality for every woman i've known personally including my own mother. my momther had to work to support four children and herself because dad was a slacker that worked sporadically and didn't always pay the bills when he had money. what choice did she have but to work and usually two full time jobs? if we relied soley on dad we would have been out on the streets! one of the sad things is that my grandfather had a sucessful business in town and dad was too lazy to take advantage of that as the eldest son and the one who had the biggest family to support out of his sibilings. he should have done more to support his family, god knows he had advantages that most people don't yet he still wasn't motivated enough t do what a man should do.

My mother was such a woman Jerrica, after being abandoned by my father she was forced to work outside the home. She worked damn hard and we were still poor! This was many years ago, before child support laws were well enforced so my dad felt free to up and leave whenever he felt like it which was several times throughout my childhood. While other kids got to go to Disneyland for Christmas, I was standing in line at the food bank for donated turkey dinner! Thanks Pa.<br />
Before someone jumps on us for being down on men... BITE ME! This is an unfortunate reality for some families.

by right my dad still owes about 25K in support for me and my brother. i wish he'd pony up because i sure could use it!

I hear ya Jerrica and I hope you and your bro get your due. I am certain my dad owes thousands of dollars in support as well.

it would be nice but i know it's not gonna happen. if dad really wanted to do the right thing, he could have given us some of the money his dad left him when he died, 40K. we kids didn't see one single penny.