Give a Little ... Get a Lot Back

I saw a special on a television about the training of Secret Service agents who protect the President of the United States.  The director of training said that when most people hear a gunshot, they have a natural reflex to move away from the sound of the shot. He saw one of his more difficult tasks as retraining his agents to move toward the sound so the agent could quickly disarm the assassin to protect the president.   I think in our interactions on EP we are similar to real life in this respect.

When a person feels attacked the most natural human response is to defend oneself.  As humans, we do this by arguing defensively, withdrawing emotionally, or attacking back.  We have seen a lot of persons leave EP in the last week as they withdrew both emotionally and literally from the disrespect they were experiencing on EP.  I know that the natural instinct is to defend yourself, but instead what if we were to respond in such a way that shows that we take responsibility for how we have made the other person feel and that we are willing to address that with the person.  In my opinion it is better to do this in private rather than in an open forum but can’t we all step back and see where maybe we may be to blame for the attacks and disrespect that we have seen lately?  Is it possible that we can think back to a time when someone gave us a break when we were insensitive, fearful, dishonest, mean or selfish?  Wouldn’t it be almost a utopia if we could all pay it forward in the deeds that we show to each other and the respect that we show one another even when we do not agree with their stand on a particular issue?

I urge us all to answer the following questions truthfully.  Are we showing respect for each other?  Is there a sense of mutual responsibility and empathy for all members of EP?  Are we listening effectively to the thoughts and feelings that persons are sharing with us?  Are we willing to accept that we upset a person although we may not be totally in the wrong?  If we were sitting in a room together would we talk to each other in the same tones we convey on EP?  If we knew the person we were talking to was our sister, brother, mother, father, or child would we be so quick to blame and not be willing to work through the concern?  I asked myself these questions, and quite frankly, I am ashamed of myself.  I plan to do better in showing respect to each of you and I hope you will join me in doing the same to all EP’ers.  

Thanks for reading my post, I respectfully ask you to feel free to comment and I promise you that I will read them and respond respectfully.

 

fungirlmmm fungirlmmm
46-50, F
26 Responses Feb 16, 2009

Very well said. I hope everyone on EP reads this. There are a lot of people who need to stop and realize that the people they are attacking and insulting have feelings, too, and are just as entitled to respect as anyone else.

Thumbs up

FGM - I've got your back. Thanks for the positive energy, we need more on EP!

Awww thanks MB.

Thank you HOH.

fungirlmmm,<br />
i was so touched by this post and humbled. ...and i do miss some people that have gone too. --Hearts

Thanks onewithjc. I appreciate your kind comments.

thanks arseneh....these creepy people are insignificant compared to the many beautiful people who have been so kind and supportive with their words here .....<br />
i posted a story "how much can a koala bare'...you can read the kind and ecouraging words i recieved from my friends but there is one comment there from citysleeper that is offensive ...its not as bad as some ...but i like to report it but how do you flag someone ...i don't know how to do it<br />
cheers

Great post. Well worded and excellent point.<br />
Thanks.

Thank you for this great story. EP relies heavily on our community to help keep EP a positive and supportive environment. As staff, we can't always see everything that's happening on EP the moment it happens and that's why it's important for members to utilize the flagging feature.<br />
<br />
Jinda- I'm very upset to hear that you've had racist comments directed towards you. We will not tolerate this behavior. For less sever cases we often give members the opportunity to change their behavior by providing them with a warning, if the behavior is repeated we will immediately suspend their account. If the behavior remains unchanged the member’s account will be deleted and the member will lose all stories, comments, and blog posts. <br />
<br />
Though it's my hope that members won't be put in these difficult situations, should it happen, I again encourage you all to flag members and content so that we can address it promptly and harshly.

IMO it is the anonymity of EP that is the root of the problem. People know they can say anything without consequence. If we were all physically in one room there would be more respect shown.<br />
<br />
Now what is this about people leaving EP? I don't know who has left but I will tell you I am almost on the point of going myself. It's getting to be a chore being here, and that's not the way it should be.

that is all well and good... i think most EP members adhere to the guidlines of respect and support and debate their differences most intelligently<br />
<br />
but what do we do about racist trolls....i have posted many stories but when i talk about aboriginal issues...these crazed people intrude into the group and make the most disgusting racist remarks...not just about blackfellas ...they attack anyone that is not white...but i dont even know these members ..and they intrude into my stories and attack me ...they dont even stick to the topic ...they just let loose with a tirade of foul ugly words.....<br />
these remarks are so bad ..they have scared me to think that there are people out there that still hold such hatred..their cruelty has brought me to tears ...and EP does nothing about it...i am not protected .....neither are the people who support me....they should be instantly banned......<br />
i have questioned ep about this but EP continues to ignore these comments and allow them through...they are terribly upsetting and i have thought of leaving EP many times because the monitors take no action<br />
but i have made some really good friends and i wouldnt want to leave them<br />
<br />
this is not a matter of members having conflicting opinions ...this is full on racial abuse of EP members and im supposed to send these people "the love"...i dont think so<br />
cheers

EP has been my relief on many days.<br />
I've met many heart warming people.<br />
Its helped many people...

This has been my motto. I can answer honestly I have treated everyone with every kindness I would need because after all the change happens in the mirror. I enjoy helping others find a more positive outlook for many of their situations. <br />
I have been one that has had a lifetime of mistreatment, I could never understand WHY people were so mean, so insensitive, so careless because I was not that way to them, but soon realized I must face each and everyone of them with love, for negative energy diminishes when confronted with the truest emotion of Love. when we do anything negative to a negative it only becomes a larger negative and then we have added to this very thing that hurts us, do we not? So honestly, I have given what I would LOVE to receive. True and genuine, always!<br />
*HUGS* To everyone CindySue

fungirl its a very good story. i couldnt agree with you more!

thank you for sharing this great story. Respect to others and Respect ourselves.. i believe this is an essential principle for our life not only for a network community. however sometimes.. in our life.. we all do mistake and some time this hurts others... i do also make mistakes . For that, i accept my guilty and regret doing ... thanks again for the excellent post. Hugs*

FG you have brought forth the meaning of this site. It is a place to share and not be judged but to be helped out, to get advice with out being criticized for the path we have found ourselves in.<br />
<br />
Please people let us not do a "knee jerk" reaction in our comments to people who are asking for help and go straight to "attacking" a person for getting themselves into whatever state that they are in.<br />
<br />
Back to the golden rule - Treat others as you would want to be treated. Respect others as you want to be respected.<br />
<br />
Thanks FG!!!! You are the best.

Sometimes I think the problem here with so much drama is that the design allows a genuine atmosphere of closeness to the other members. That can be dangerous for sensitive people. Because when we let people close, we give them the power to hurt. These kerfuffles arise because people get their feelings badly hurt and then lash out. A circle full of very sensitive friends is a time bomb full of heat seeking shrapnel ticking away, just biding its time.

I am chiming in here to say that I really appreciate this post. Things I see that deserve key note. Respect. Family. Feelings. Myself. People. All of these things together can create some dangerous combinations of action and reaction resulting most often from feelings. This is a place for feelings and with that in mind there will always be sensitivities. If we all attempt to let our cooler heads prevail, I think we will be on a better path. Will we trip? Yes. Will we stumble? Absolutely, but this is not a place for "I told you so" this is a place for "Friend, I have been down this path before, trust me, I know the way out."

I feel like you directed this post to me. Thank you.

Dude. . . That is so true. We tend to be selfish and treat other ppl in different way. . . But i after reading this post, i feel the need to change my ways and i must say... I am extremly disappointed in myself.

In fact XxSperanzaXx you have hit the nail on the head. It appears this is an example of the minority of people who DO treat their peers and close ones in this manner. <br />
Bigotry and prejudice are creating an environment of war and hatred in the real world. <br />
And if it starts with the way we interact with our friends and family- or a forum for the exchange of thoughts and beliefs, then there is no hope for extending the arm of knowledge, peace and understanding throughout the nations of this world.<br />
Yeesh.

This is a great post. You're right, people on EP end up becoming like family so we should treat each other the same way we would treat our family and closest friends in the "real world". I agree that we should try and stick it out and confront our battles and try and find a solution, opposed to running away because that won't solve anything. Once again, this is a great post.

Love ya, fungirlmmm!<br />
<br />
A friend of mine is leaving too and it hit me hard since I have never thought of anyone doing that. Thanks to you, I'll try to do and be better here. Respect!

Respond to this please...that is the reason I am just pretending to overlook everything this time..<br />
<br />
http://floydian.blogs.experienceproject.com/101125.html

Fungirl is right. We all have allowed this to carry on, and as a result many of our dear friends are leaving this place because of the petty arguments spreading like wildfire. And what do we do? Do we dissolve the situations in a peaceful manner? No; we choose sides on whom we feel is in the right. I am guilty of this, and I accept it. We've come to this place as a haven from the cruelties and inhumane nature of the outside world; we must leave such viruses and stains behind. By coming here we have chosen to be part of a grand family. We must stop this bickering and come to neutral ground before we lose any more respected members here.