Afraid Of The Future..

Terrified, about the future, but excited at the same time. Sometime the excitement takes over the fear, and the way ahead looks clear, obvious and for the good, other time the fear takes over, and I am fearful of what will happen.

The reason for this is that I am now engaged, I've never been married before, and only ever really lived with people who were flatmates, or friends, or in shared university accomidation etc.

I'm really* really* in love with this person, he's a lot older than me, and has been married once before and civil partnered once before. Sometimes I think about us living together, getting civil partnered, and all I can see is the happieness this will bring us both, and the joy of it, and of living with him, yet at other times I worry and fret over it; A loss of 'freedom', for me, in some ways, though not in others, the potential that we might one day split, and the likelyhood, that he will, ultimately die before I do, leaving me alone once more.

But mainly I thnk it is the fear of the unknown, doing something with someone I've not done before, and on the balance of things, I know I will have to do it, or the potential fear of what I might lose if I don't do it, may forever haunght me. Its still very confusing though, where one moment my mind sees it as all positive, and sees only the good side of it, then the next my mind generates all these silly little fears over what may happen...
eusarian eusarian
31-35, M
Dec 15, 2012