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Empower Yourself And Live Again!

Tonight I read stories and forum comments in ILIASM and am led to write this story. Realize and face something members. For the vast majority of us, our partners will never change! It does not matter the reasons why even if we strive to understand but it is a fact of life that we have been partnered up with people radically different than us. The more we search for answers and devalue our wants and needs and take on blame and shame, the more we get mired in lives that are slowly killing who we are!

I have walked the walk so I feel competent to talk the talk. Some very good people here seem to be giving up and this causes me angst because life does not have to end up this way! Sure I understand fears and apprehensions. I am 62 years old and change is hard but what is my alternative? Living like this until I die which would come very soon if I choose to live this life for much longer? I refuse to end my life unloved and unwanted!

For those members in ILIASM who are younger, I say to you, take charge of your destiny and make a plan that you can live with.. For those my age or older, I say the same thing. For those who chose to stay, then find your value and live accordingly and make peace with your choices. Realize that your life may never be as you want but make some peace with staying.

I am not writing now for those who intend to stay in ILIASMs but those who know that they need to leave. Every day that goes by is another day lost and the clock keeps ticking. I wonder if finances was not an issue, how many of us would still stay mired in lives that are slowly killing us? Not many I would bet but what about the enormous toll on our minds and bodies? Our children will go on and live their own lives and we will still be lost and in emotional pain.

For those members that know me and my life story, I do have someone to share my future with and that makes things easier but I would still stick to my plan regardless if I had met him or not. I have the ability to work and have a support system so I would survive and be happy even if I was alone and I know my abilities. It would be a struggle but not worse then continuing to live a lie.

Sometimes we have to dig deeply inside of ourselves and find our inner courage and strength. No knight will come riding up on a white horse to take us away from our lives so we have to become our own knight and reach out and save ourselves. It is ultimately for each one of us to search for our own answers. To make peace with the past and regain our self respect and live lives full of empowerment. If we do not first value ourselves, why would another person value us?

Some of us are moving on and some are just starting on the journey of discovering who we are. Some are mired in the middle and some will never move on. This is life and there is no judgment from me. I know too well how hard change is. Our choices need not be at our loss of self empowerment. If one cannot have the life they want with their mates, then create a life filled with things that are good and healthy for you. Develop interests that feed what is lacking whether it is doing good for others or finding things that occupy our lives in a good way. If one is determined to live in a SM then find a way to make peace with this and recognize that this is your choice and I do not judge or think less of you. I respect your choices.

If one chooses to leave in the end, do this first with a sense of empowerment and self value and move on with the best of intent. Live life with courage and determination and awareness. Get inspired with stories here of others who have moved on to happiness and love.

It does not matter what group you eventually end up in if you regain your self respect and empowerment but for most of us, including myself, the journey to regaining who we are as human beings means that we must finally move on to find a life and hopefully a person who will accept us for our faults and our good qualities. Even if that person is only ourself.
dartist dartist 56-60, F 5 Responses Jul 13, 2010

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Dartist, I realize I'm commenting on this late. I found your original stories I think about a year ago when I stumbled upon this whole site. I'm almost 47, been married for 27 years. I realized I was just done with this marriage a couple of years ago, though that was the realization point. Now it's on to the practicality parts, and I know I'm stuck, and I'm scared of looking back even a year from now realizing, I'm still trying to figure out how to tell him it's over. I'd say this should be easy, after all he'd told me he wanted a divorce/was leaving about 7 years into our marriage and again at probably 15 years in. You would think I could pull from those experiences and gather up my resolve and "just do it". I cannot. Finally this morning when writing back to a friend I had a bit of an aha moment. Perhaps listing all my "fears" out, reading them, finding a solution or at least acknowledging them would help. I've thought about trying to become more active here too at least on the ILIASM group where I can seek encouragement from people that better understand what kind of relationship I seek to leave. Thank you always for your writing.

Walking the same path even if we are just friends from afar creates unity of the human experience and thank you for your comment, unshakable. I am working on being healthier physically as I have slacked off a bit lately and my body is telling me so. Still and always will be a work in progress but this is what life is about.

I am absolutely in agreement with your sharing.Its so inspiring.I am 62 yrs too and making daily changes to have a healthy and happy life.We all have our past that haunts us but without letting go we cannot move on to the future.Thank you and have a blessed day.

After writing this story, I hoped that it would not offend anybody and my intent was to show people that feeling empowered is a choice. This might sound like a strange concept and one that I did not understand for a long time. How can a person choose to feel this way when going through the hard times in life even if one lives in a SM? <br />
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For myself, it was taking charge of my life once again. Doing a lot of thinking about my past and why I made my decisions? Gaining the courage to change and move on and this brings more strength but, even if one chooses to stay in a SM, he or she can also feel empowered because it is their choice. Thank you tasmin for your comment and you are right on. The effort is worth it in the end!

Very inspiring story dartist. <br />
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It sometimes seems easier to remain unhappy than taking the effort to move on but it is SO worth it.