I Joined, And Now I Will Share My Story...

I was a little girl, who believed that parents were suppose to Love you, and suppose to help you, and protect you from any harm. Not the one who was doing the harm.

I believed that what my parents were doing to me, was "normal" that all children went through that. I believed that I was a bad girl, and it was my fault for what was happening.

Today I am badly bruised (inside) from the hurt, and the pain that I went through. Today, I am just learning to come to terms with what I went through. I am trying to forgive my parents for hurting me.

I want to Help the best way I can, and if that means helping children in my shoes, than that is what I am going to do. I Love children, and I believe they should NOT have to hurt like this.

I have been abused enough. I am sick of being abused, and I just think that one person should not have to go through this much abuse. I was Physically abused, mentally abused, verbally abused, emotionally abused, but the one abuse that has messed me up the most was, I was sexually abused. NO ONE ASKS to be Abused, and to Be Hurt by someone we trust, I sure as hell know that I did NOT ask for it, and I did NOT want it.

Enough is enough. People need to Learn Love, and respect, People need to learn what the word "NO" really does mean. A Lot of us are messed up because people don't ******* understand what "NO" meant....

I am sick of hearing about Pedophilles coming here. I am sick of having perverts adding me, when its Clear that sex is USUALLY the very LAST thing on my MIND! I think all of the Sexual Predators needs to be ******* SHOT! I just can't stand them.

I will join this group, and leave this story how it is, because I am SICK of worrying about the people who Add me to their circle, if in a week or two, are going to start hitting me up for cyber sex! I aint into that thank you very much. As a Young woman, who still has not dealt with her past, and has NOT been able to move on from her abuse, being hit up by Sexual Predators all the damn time, is really Hard for me!

I wouldn't wish this on anyone. Being abused in any way is a horrible experience, but to be sexually abused, its pain that you can't even described. I was sexually abused on and off for almost three years. It took me a while to talk about, even now, I get flashbacks, and have bad thoughts about it all. It has been hard to get past what has happened to me.

Because of what I have been through, it has put me into a situation that if I hear about someone being sexually abused, I just want to save them. Help them anyway I can. It just pains me so much to hear that other people have to deal with this pain.

While yes, it was a terrible thing that happened to me. I try not to be the victim. I try to stay strong. I just try to be okay with what has happened. I mean, I can't change it, so why dwell on it and all that ****?

I believe that if I didn't go through the abuse that I went through. I wouldn't even think something like that could poissibly happen. However, having gone through it, I have experienced the pain, the agony, and I now want to turn my pain into helping others.

My dream job is to work with Abused children, and help them get out of their abusive situations/home, and help them be safe.

It shouldn't hurt to be a child, but even if you are not a child, you can be sexually abused.

One in three children will be sexually abused, we can't afford to ignore it, and pretend like its not happening, it is happening, its probablly happening right now.

The reason why I want to help abused children, is because someone has to do it, and who would be better to help someone, than someone who has had to go through the same situation, and can truly understand....

This is one of the hardest stories that I have ever had to share. its so hard for me to get it out, and talk about it, but since I have already been triggered today, I figure, I write this story, and get it out there and open.

Growing up, my childhood was never "normal" for a while, neither of my parents were really home during the day. I remember most of the time, being raised by my grandparents, who lived just down the street from us.

After a few months, things started to change, my parents, would scream at my grandmother for giving me everything that I wanted, and taking care of me, saying, that they were a bad influence on me....

Soon my father Started staying home from work more and more, so I didn't have to go be with my grandmother. He use to drink so damn much, and soon he had lost his job, due to drinking too much, and doing drugs. So he was home all the damn time.

Soon mom was staying away more and more, because she couldn't handle his anger. He would take everything out on her.

This story is so hard.....

My dad would blame everything on her, and me. We were the reason why he drank, and why he lost his job. He force me and her to go out on the street and beg for money not for us to get food and stuff we needed to surivie, but for him to get more booze.

One weekend, my mom went away, it was just me and my father home, and it was the weekend, everything went from terrible, to so much worse.....

He make me get him beer whenever he was done with the one he was drinking. Well he ran out of beer, and I went to go tell him, and he snapped on me, he stuck me in the face, and dragged me upstairs and locked me into the bathroom. I felt like I was in their for ages, but it was only for a day.

When he finally let me out he dragged me into his bed and there he had his way with me, he force himself on me. He took everything away from me in that one night. He took away all the innocense in the world that I had, he took everything away from me.

That was the night everything started and my nightmare started. From that night on, every night when my mom had fallen asleep, he creep into my room, and used me like a ******* toy, and took away everything that I had.

It went on for years and years, until I was about 13. He had come into my room, and It was shortly after I had started my menstrual cycle. I didn't tell mom, because I was scared, I was told growing up, that once I started my period, it means that I was being punished for something. So when he came in my room, I told him to go the hell away. He stuck me in the face, I told him, if he ever laid a ******* hand on me again, that I was going to tell mom, and that I was going to the police.

That was the Last day he had put his hands on me. Since than, he has cleaned up got sober, and found a job. He and I get along somewhat okay. I think he is the one he is towards me now, to try and make up for ******* up my childhood, and stealing so much for me.

But I know, that I will never be able to forgive him, and forget what he did to me. I was his daughter, and he was suppose to protect people from hurting me, not be the one who hurt me....

Its been a Little over 7 years since my father has hurt me in that way, but I still have a hard time forgetting what he did to me, and I still have nightmares like it was just yesterday....

To road to recovery is a long one I have been told. I hope one day, i will be able to forget everything, and if not forget, at least be able to live without the nightmares

I am on that road, the road to recovery. I am doing my best to forgive my father for the hurt and the pain he hurt on me. I am doiong my best, No one said it was going to be easy, and I'm learning that its not.

I want to help, because I don't want another child to hurt like I do. I'd do anything to prevent another child for being hurt like I was. I will do just abting in my power to stop a child from being hurt.

I am sorry, this is a long story, well its a few stories put together. But it had to have been said. I hope sharing my story helps someone, somewhere, somehow.....

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5 Responses Jul 9, 2010

I am so sorry for what happened to you. I was never sexually abused like you but my mom used to beat me and my sister with a paddle all the time. My dad left when I was 4 so I barely remember him but when I was a kid I used to think that if he was around he would save me from it. I guess he didn't care enough about us to even stay around so that is probably unlikely but at least he never abused us. I agree that there are alot of pervs on here. Just ignore them.

Nagel, the longer the writings, the closer you will be to comming to terms with this, if you wish to help people who have endured the same thing, then you can not appologize for having so much to say. You ahve been silent way too long to let this go on any longer. Iam a huge advocate for abused woman and children, read the stories angel and take your time, there is no time limit on how or when you are supose to heal.Its going to be a long journey hon, but eventualy, like most journeys they have an end so you can start a new one.

may i add you as my friend ?

I am so sorry for all the pain you had to suffer , i am also a adult that was abused by my parents<br />
i am writting a book on it . if you ever need to talk i am here for you . ive had jerks pervs. to try to add me as thier friend i block them .

I'm sorry you've endured this.<br />
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Know that you did not deserve it, and did nothing to cause it.<br />
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Also know that you can recover from its impact in your life today.<br />
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Is it possible to seek the advice of a professional, to help in your recovery?