I Want You to Know About Spiritual Awakening
My life has been littered with odd experiences, but one in particular peaks my curiosity. Actually, there have been several similar experiences, but the one main one points to the others which shared similar flavours to this event that took place in 2006 /2007: I can't remember exactly.
At the time, I was still married, but my marriage was coming to an end, not by my choice. On this occasion, my then-husband was present and we were visiting with my then-mother-in-law at her dining room table, talking and drinking tea. This is so difficult to describe and it is easier to say what it was not than what it was. Anyway, I will try. I was listening to the conversation rather than participating, when I suddenly had the sensation that I was sliding backwards and the front of me was falling away. I found myself in a state of awareness and so in the moment that past and future did not exist. I was at peace with this and had no care or concern for my Self. I would say that it felt natural. However, I knew that if anybody found out about my strange state, I ran the risk of being pressed into visiting a doctor for a diagnosis. I felt the urge to protect my Self, realized that nobody would understand this condition, and discovered that I had lost the ability to verbally communicate, so I wasn't going to be able to explain it to them.
This inability to communicate was the most profound aspect of my experience. I was so in the moment, that I was unable to track sentences. I could understand every word I heard, but I could not hold the memory of each word and stringing them together into a sentence was impossible. After much thought, I have come up with a description for the verbal problem I encountered: when one verbalizes an idea, the idea is spread out over time. When I was in this strange state, I was totally in the moment. In other words, a second happens, and the next second happens, and so on, and these seconds or moments cannot be strung together. They stand entirely on their own as complete and entire with nothing outside of themselves. That is why verbalizing ideas was so problematic for me. A spoken sentence is an idea that is spread over time in a linear format and I couldn't function linearly.
After about twenty minutes of this, I managed to talk my Self into returning to the former existence that I am so familiar with and is my day-to-day way of being.
One other concept I would like to get across: the experience was like being in a movie, then suddenly finding one's Self in the audience while watching a movie that one is a character in. Except that I was not aware that I was in a movie until I suddenly found my Self in the audience watching the movie. It was all very odd.
Finding myself thrown so in the moment that I cannot function properly accompanied at least one other experience that I had. On that other occasion, I had been writing fiction and suddenly, something took over and I found the scene that I was trying to create with words was being created by somebody that I didn't think was me. I was so startled by this, that I stopped writing and went into the kitchen to make supper. I knew I needed milk for breakfast the next day -- being in the moment like this doesn't prevent one from accessing complex ideas which appear to one in the moment -- so I drove into town to buy some. On the way to the supermarket, I had to stop at the bank and take out money. I remember being totally flumoxed by the bank machine and I had to go inside and fill out a withdrawal slip. This too was confusing as I was unable to read the instructions on the form. I could read each word, but could not string them together so that I could know what to write on each line. I carried a check book so was able to look up my bank account number, but it was only with painfull difficult effort that I was able to figure out which line on the form was for this number. Normally, filling out a form or using a bank machine is so natural and normal that I can perform these tasks with little to no thought.
I then found my way to the supermarket, took the milk to the cashier, then had the unfortunate experience of not knowing how much money she wanted. I handed her a $5 and let her figure out what change to make. This state continued until evening, and I think it cleared up during my sleep so that when I woke up the next morning, I was "normal" again.
I have nobody living in my part of the world that I can talk to about this. The only reason that I think it is related to spiritual awakening is because of all the Adyashanti audios I listen to and when I heard other people's awakening experiences, it slowly dawned on me that they were very like these two experiences that happened to me at a time of my life when although very involved with a meditation practice, reading spiritual and metaphysical texts, and trying to figure out what enlightenment meant, I hadn't a clue about spiritual awakening.
I am hoping that somebody here can respectfully -- I am shy about mentioning this experience to friends and strangers alike -- shed some light on this. If I have a mental disability, I am able to hear that, too, but I really don't want to go to a doctor with this as most of the time, I don't think that there is much wrong with me.
At the time, I was still married, but my marriage was coming to an end, not by my choice. On this occasion, my then-husband was present and we were visiting with my then-mother-in-law at her dining room table, talking and drinking tea. This is so difficult to describe and it is easier to say what it was not than what it was. Anyway, I will try. I was listening to the conversation rather than participating, when I suddenly had the sensation that I was sliding backwards and the front of me was falling away. I found myself in a state of awareness and so in the moment that past and future did not exist. I was at peace with this and had no care or concern for my Self. I would say that it felt natural. However, I knew that if anybody found out about my strange state, I ran the risk of being pressed into visiting a doctor for a diagnosis. I felt the urge to protect my Self, realized that nobody would understand this condition, and discovered that I had lost the ability to verbally communicate, so I wasn't going to be able to explain it to them.
This inability to communicate was the most profound aspect of my experience. I was so in the moment, that I was unable to track sentences. I could understand every word I heard, but I could not hold the memory of each word and stringing them together into a sentence was impossible. After much thought, I have come up with a desc
After about twenty minutes of this, I managed to talk my Self into returning to the former existence that I am so familiar with and is my day-to-day way of being.
One other concept I would like to get across: the experience was like being in a movie, then suddenly finding one's Self in the audience while watching a movie that one is a character in. Except that I was not aware that I was in a movie until I suddenly found my Self in the audience watching the movie. It was all very odd.
Finding myself thrown so in the moment that I cannot function properly accompanied at least one other experience that I had. On that other occasion, I had been writing fiction and suddenly, something took over and I found the scene that I was trying to create with words was being created by somebody that I didn't think was me. I was so startled by this, that I stopped writing and went into the kitchen to make supper. I knew I needed milk for breakfast the next day -- being in the moment like this doesn't prevent one from accessing complex ideas which appear to one in the moment -- so I drove into town to buy some. On the way to the supermarket, I had to stop at the bank and take out money. I remember being totally flumoxed by the bank machine and I had to go inside and fill out a withdrawal slip. This too was confusing as I was unable to read the instructions on the form. I could read each word, but could not string them together so that I could know what to write on each line. I carried a check book so was able to look up my bank account number, but it was only with painfull difficult effort that I was able to figure out which line on the form was for this number. Normally, filling out a form or using a bank machine is so natural and normal that I can perform these tasks with little to no thought.
I then found my way to the supermarket, took the milk to the cashier, then had the unfortunate experience of not knowing how much money she wanted. I handed her a $5 and let her figure out what change to make. This state continued until evening, and I think it cleared up during my sleep so that when I woke up the next morning, I was "normal" again.
I have nobody living in my part of the world that I can talk to about this. The only reason that I think it is related to spiritual awakening is because of all the Adyashanti audios I listen to and when I heard other people's awakening experiences, it slowly dawned on me that they were very like these two experiences that happened to me at a time of my life when although very involved with a meditation practice, reading spiritual and metaphysical texts, and trying to figure out what enlightenment meant, I hadn't a clue about spiritual awakening.
I am hoping that somebody here can respectfully -- I am shy about mentioning this experience to friends and strangers alike -- shed some light on this. If I have a mental disability, I am able to hear that, too, but I really don't want to go to a doctor with this as most of the time, I don't think that there is much wrong with me.
By:
GillSadie
Age:
56-60
