What I Did For Love - Prologue

Love … We've been told that it makes the world go round, that it lifts us up where we belong, that only love can break a heart, that love is blind, and that love hurts. Love has probably caused more pain than all the other emotions mankind experiences put together. And yet, since Adam and Eve, we all hope for it, pray for it, crave it, chase it, need it … we'll lie, cheat, steal and even die for love. But although we may deny it, we're willing to ransom our hearts and sell our souls for it … This is the story of what I did for love.
The words 'I love you' have never exactly come tripping off my tongue. I mean, I can say them, like to Rex, my hamster, but let's face it, as long as I'm feeding him, he really doesn't care about the words. I guess that makes him a perfect Plum. I come from a family where love is expressed in the form of warm chocolate chip cookies waiting on the kitchen table after school and pot roast at six sharp every Friday night … or fried fish if it's Lent.
The hugs and kisses and words of praise are few and far between in my house. But we can always bask in the warm glow of meatloaf and mashed potatoes, macaroni and cheese, pineapple upside down cake, spaghetti and meatballs, and a dining room table groaning under the weight of all the platters and bowls and plates filled with love. For my family, food always speaks louder than words.
Right now though, I'm suffering from such an outpouring of love that I'm having trouble zipping my jeans. I actually had to do a couple of deep knee bends, with my *** stuck out, just to stretch the denim enough to get that damned top button buttoned. I guess I've spent the last couple of weeks telling myself how much I love ME with too many Butterscotch Krimpets and Boston Crèmes.
Oh, don't roll your eyes at me! Probably you've done the same thing, and at least I have a good excuse for stuffing my face. To tell the truth, it wasn't exactly love that made me dive head first into an overload of fat and carbs and sugar. It was more like the fear and terror and blind panic that comes with love and commitment that made me overdose on comfort food.
See, I've got this problem. I've loved two men for a long time now. Yeah, yeah, I know … no big surprise. But just listen … I think I've figured out which one I really want and probably I should let him know … maybe … well, maybe not, but possibly yes, I think … maybe. I mean it isn't like everybody doesn't know that I have commitment issues, right? I admit that! The guy I've been with the longest without a major battle is Rex and that's only because he doesn't talk back!
But, Hell! I just don't know what to do! I've made lists of pros and cons, I've lain awake at night, I've thought about it until my head ached. I need some help here! So okay, I'm gonna tell you what happened, the whole story, and then you tell me what you think ... Okay? Okay! It all started with a skip…
StephanieManoso StephanieManoso
31-35, F
3 Responses May 16, 2012

You go girl........I am reading.

You've certainly piqued my interest. Looking forward to what comes next.

Oooooo! This sounds very tasty indeed!<br />
As you say Stephanie: "It was more like the fear and terror and blind panic that comes with love and commitment that made me overdose on comfort food." I know that feeling well. I call it the cold sweats.<br />
You love someone so much that it scares you because you know they can just break you like a twig!! There is a great Gypsy song I've sung <br />
that starts: <br />
Dark Eyes!<br />
Eyes so beautiful<br />
Eyes of such happiness<br />
How I love you so<br />
How I fear you so<br />
etc<br />
<br />
Yes we want the real thing and when we get it, it shows life for what it is: a big risk! A two sided coin, where the greatest bliss can be intimately tied to inevitable sorrow, pain, or brokenness. No way to exit from it.<br />
<br />
If we truly want to have a life most worth living, then we have to bite and take the risk!