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For The Married Men On Ep...

I have been receiving too many PM's from married men looking for sex and now feel I must address this issue.

If you are a married man who is looking for sex, I am not the woman for you.  There are sex groups and specific people on EP who are more than happy to accommodate your requests I'm sure - I'm just not one of them. 

If you want to be friends, and to have fun and meaningful discussions on a wide variety of topics, I am more than cool with that. 

If I have given anyone the wrong impression previously, I sincerely apologize.

Vignette Vignette 51-55, F 52 Responses Aug 10, 2010

Your Response


Jason, a man’s sex drive is built right into his very DNA. His drive to pass on his genetics is too strong to overcome. From puberty to the grave, he cannot escape the drive to have sex, or the evolutionary triggers that prompt him, on a daily basis, to want sex. He is biologically programmed to respond sexually to fertile females. This means young women who exhibit signs of health and sexual readiness, such as full breasts, good skin, shapely hips for passing the baby, and an attractive face. These are signs of good genetics and men’s bodies instinctively respond to these signs by desiring to have sex with them. They are naturally attracted to the females that exhibit good genetics and the best chance of carrying their seed to term – and raising it. It’s all about propagation of the species.<br />
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This is why your idea will never work, because you cannot remove the innate instinct that is firmly rooted in the male from hundreds of thousands of years of evolution, and it is a very strong instinct that has allowed the human species to flourish on this planet and become top dog. It has nothing to do with being stronger – and the artificial suppression of it, by any means, would result in dysfunctional mental, emotional, and physical behavior in men – anger and misogyny being at the top of the list imo.<br />
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You realize, what you propose – that men give up sex with women – is the extinction of our human species. I think it’s a high price to pay because you are angry that your wife rejects you sexually. Trying to condemn your brethren to the same sexless fate would not be well received by them, or women….at all. I don’t know one man that would be signing up for that tour of duty.

The biology of sexual desire in our species is not demeaning or insulting. How men choose to *act* upon their sexual desire is a different story, and is varied and is a personal choice that each person must make for himself. You seem to have confused the two. Since my comment angers you so, I would suggest you avoid all my posts, as from time to time I may speak of human biology as it relates to adult human sex drives - which I find to be a normal, healthy, pleasurable and robust response to being human.

Yes, I agree there are more men that want sex than there are women that want sex. As a man, I strongly believe that we can "learn" not to want sex as much with the power of the mind. There is also options of taking ANTI-hormone to reduce the levels of testosterone so the sexual urges will subside. It is not healthy to want sex all the time and it is very unpractical to rely on any women that want to share such intimate moments. We are MEN - we are STRONG - we do NOT NEED WOMEN.<br />
We can beat this thing if we want to. The problem is that most men do not work on beating this problem - they would rather indulge in pursuing sexual gratification (which, in my opinion is not very intelligent use of one's time resource). So, too all the women out there - you CAN KEEP what you have - MEN will learn NOT TO WANT IT and we will all get along a lot better.

i hear that! same boat here :-(

Dainbramadge - we agree, I think most men are a bit crazy and desperate in the sex dept! I do believe men have it worse, as far as the sex drive is concerned...from puberty to the grave...without much let-up.<br />
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I haven't blocked anyone at EP - well, I did once, but after thinking about it, I thought it was so damned stupid, so I no longer block anyone. I have seen comments from several women who do block quite a bit, though. For myself, personally, I viewed it as fear, and I refuse to be fearful of anyone - so, bring it on!!<br />
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A hook-up? As friends? Sure!! I have no ob<x>jection to being friends with most married men. Just checked out your profile - you have the infamous...."red dot"... are you a naughty boy? lol

ABG4U - Lol!! No, as long as you don't ask me to wear diapers, or ask me to change your diapers, then we are cool!! lol

LOL !! I agree 100 % :-D

the only diapers i might ask you to change would be on a little baby! My diaper days are over, I hope!

Wow I know I can tend to get a bit flirty, but I sure hope I have not given you the wrong idea! <br />
I am just looking for good friends who can have an intelligent conversation about life out side the bedroom....You have been all that and more! Thank You..and I full understand why you wrote this! <br />
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Go girl! you rock!

Lmao!! I get a lot of unusual requests as well, due to my avatar. Mainly men who want to be dominated by a woman - from the very young to the very old. What's so funny is that I chose my avatar because it is the epitome of my "inner" female warrior spirit.... not necessarily my sexual spirit!! lol <br />
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I tried changing my avatar, but I've never found another pic that captures my spirit...except one, which was a warrior in prayer - a female in armor - I use it on rare occasion. I guess I am a warrioress at heart. So, I reverted back to my favorite avatar. And truth be told, I would hop on a horse in 2 seconds and would have zero problem dressing like Xena, and would wield my weapons without hesitation!<br />
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But, by the fluffy diapers of Vectron, there are some posters I just don't get. I don't get the diapers thing for sure. It has never held any interest for me!

My only interest in diapers was when my daughter was a baby and it was basically related to where to find them on sale, LOL !!

Me too!! I was scouring those Sunday ads for the coupons on Huggies and Pampers!! lol

Good post and Kudos to you.<br />
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I am pretty sure these horny posters do not bother to check groups or stories to see if they have anything in common with the people they send messages to.<br />
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I can´t for the life of Vectron imagine what in my profile gives posters with an affinity to diapers and everything that comes in them, an idea that I may be interested in their sticky fetishes. I can´t , I really can´t. But last week I received several requests that made me reach for the Clorox bottle immediately. Just gross !!

GnT - you're saucy as ever! Love it!! I've missed you, glad you're back!! :-)

Ya know V, I really can't figure it out. There are so many people/groups on here that would suit their purpose.....WTH?

I can't argue with you Jason - I agree, I think in general more men want and enjoy sex than women; however, my reasons for my opinion would not be pleasing to many men, and I don't need hate mail, so I will hold my tongue! I will say this though: Many women like sex... a lot.....<br />
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I don't know where the statistics might be, but I bet they're out there somewhere. lol<br />
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Oh only 40, your sex drive ain't over....not by a long shot... may the Force be with you!!<br />
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Unfortunately my post is not any scientific study to prove beyond a shadow of a doubt that what you say is true. But again, there is some truth in it....but just not the truth many men would like to believe.... ;-)

Your post can settle an age old debate I have had with my wife.<br />
I say that there are more men that want and enjoy sex than there are women.<br />
I wish I could find the cold hard unbiased statistics to show her that.<br />
BTW, I am married and in a sexless marriage - she has no sex drive at all.<br />
But, as I age, I am trying to come to terms that I will not be having sex.<br />
Thank god I am already 40 and not 25 anymore - otherwise, I would not<br />
be able to stay in the marriage because at 25 my hormones were a ragin'.

There are some gross people on E.P.

Oh my!! Um, that's another invite I hope never to receive!! :-)

You never know. I had email when I was pretty new to E.P. Can we pee together? I said no. I blocked that person.

Yikes - I haven't had that one yet, and I hope not to!! lol

I know I had a person asked me if I like to wet my pants. Gross. I had to block that person.

Yes, sometimes that will happen. Other people see you have "mature" profiles as friends and so they think you will add them too. The ones I select, I don't treat any differently either. But some are just downright pervy, and are looking for only one thing, and they are vulgar and rude. Those ones I completely ignore.

Although they have the red dot. I don't treat them differently from the other people who doesn't Why horny men add me. I'm not horny. Maybe because I'm friends with people who have red dot on their profile. <br />
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I think is weird.

I have friends with the infamous "red dot" on their profiles. I think it's not so much the experiences people select, but their character that is more of an issue. There are many intelligent, witty, and interesting people who are also sexual in nature and that doesn't bother me one iota.

Well. I do have friends who are nudists, have adult profiles. They are still people. So when you are friends with people are nudists and adult profiles. People will add me because I'm friends with them. Oh I see...

Sm2010 - give it some time, you will be hit up by the men. Just be careful about who you select as friends.

Moi'? Too young to be jaded? But, you're younger than me, so how can it be your job? lol <br />
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Did you meet people from Ep IRL and it didn't work out? Is that what you mean? I have met a couple of Ep friends and am very happy about it, and we are still friends.

Well. I don't have married men asking me. Thanks god. Although when I post my favorite actress picture all the horny started had a field day. Boy...

No I wouldn't complain. I think I've seen just about everything since coming to Ep. I'm jaded now!

According to my mathematical calculations:<br />
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Single = not married = A-ok!!!!! :-)

I agree, Doc. I have met some very good people here and met a couple of Epeeps IRL and had a blast - I intend on seeing them again, and also hope to meet more Epeeps. I think sex will always be a part of EP, since it's such a desirable human activity that it gets a lot of attention. lol But all I'm saying is, I don't think it should be everything! :-)

You tell them. I do not think E.P. is the site for people who are just looking for sex. This is a site for people to talk to others and get help and ideas about what is bothering you, or them.

Sammi11 - I don't recall clearly, but I think you might be right. I did notice that the youngest guys tended to be the most vulgar and sexually explicit. Talk about having no finesse!<br />
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I agree, one should do what they feel is right for them.<br />
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Thank you for commenting!

I must admit that living on the other side of the planet helps to deflect creepy advances too.<br />

You're not being snotty at all ServeMistressP - the purpose of this post was to discourage sexual advances from married men. That is too troublesome for me emotionally. <br />
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No, I do not ob<x>ject to inquiries by single men - however, I do not like vulgar advances and I prefer intelligence and wit and dialogue. I am quite particular about what I want in a man.<br />
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I do not want sexual advances by women, regardless of their marital status. I'm a woman who only likes the male package.

My experience has been that married men tend to hound you with way more blatant and creepy sexual demands. Single guys and women tend to write their sexually suggestive messages in a light, flirty manner and not nearly as offensively.<br />
Vignette, I applaud your stance and you should never apologise for or justify your action.<br />
You are your own person and if something doesn't feel right to you then you have the right to set your own boundries.<br />

I don't mean this to be snotty, really, but I can't help notice that this is only addressed to married men. Does this mean that you don't ob<x>ject to sexually suggestive messages from single men or women (regardless of marital status)?

@ FS - Hooray is right, my INTJ friend! :-)<br />
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@ SP069 - That's very kind of you to say, thank you! Sometimes I like to play with words for humor and can be a little flirty, but it is all in good fun and is not meant to solicit sexual favors. If there were a man I was interested in in that way, it would be handled privately via PM! :-)

In your original post you wondered if you were somehow giving the wrong impression. For as long as I have been following you I have never seen anything that should give that sort of impression to anybody with an ounce of intelligence and the patience to actually read what good stuff you have written

Hi FS - no I'm not leaving - I was upset that day but got over it. Besides, I would miss all the gems you post on your page! :-)

I fear the "read this first" rarely works because the undesirables rarely read it. I have a second id on EP and it gets hit on by lots of weird guys because they think I'm their kind of weird even though my "read this first" says otherwise.

Dog - you are a sweetheart. :-)

You all are SOoooo........ indescribably desirable, how could anyone resist?

I love you too, dear. :-)

Not to worry my dear! Yours is a light of truth and beauty in its most pure and treasured aspects! :-)

LMAO!! I can't stop laughing at the image in my mind!! That's one powerful beam of light there cascading from you!! ;-)

LOL! No, no, my dear, your luminescent moon is lovely just the way it is!! Don't change a single thing about it!! Keep shining brightly, in the dark of the night, lighting our way to your cheerful happiness. :-)

My lovely Chiquita - as usual you have the most charming way with words! Yes, Pamster's shiny moon...the nerve of her being so luminescent!! lol <br />
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I didn't want to be rude, didn't see the need to be. Just wanted to state my position. Not looking to hurt anyone's feelings. I know loneliness exists both inside and outside of marriage - I have been at both ends and do not wish it for anyone, regardless of their marital status. I wish it didn't exist at all, and that everyone could be happily fulfilled by a significant other, but that will take a perfect world, and we're nowhere near achieving that as of yet.

How in the sam hill did you sneak this one past me?? I must have been distracted by Pamsters shiny<br />
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Sweetie, I know how you feel and I understand why you had to do this. You shouldn't feel obligated to explain, but you just can't help but be thoughtful and kind to people and thats what we love about you!<br />
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I wrote a blog about this same topic awhile back, but it wasn't as friendly.<br />
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I must commend you for being a class act, every step of the way, my beauty. Kudos for having the grace to do this as delicately and nonchalantly as possible while still making your point. <br />
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Respect & Love,Cheryl

I love you too, my dear Pamster - champion of cheer and happiness. You are always so cheerful and that is such a delight!!

Thanks for your kind words, zall1rog. I was feeling particularly miffed that day and spoke in haste - I won't be least for now. :-)<br />
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Thanks, MossAgate - you are right, there are enough good people here to more than compensate. :-)

No!! Stay! There are enough good people here to MORE than compensate for the jerks! You just gotta look harder to find us 'cause we're all hiding from the same jerks that are plaguing you!

I'm beginning to think the same thing, Des. And sometimes I wonder if I would be better off leaving.

Des - thanks for sharing that idea. I hope I won't have to resort to it, but it's good to know that it's an option. I'm sorry you have been plagued too. :-(

Thank you, MossAgate. I know other women have had this problem and I was hoping I would not be one of them. It's just getting a little out of hand now and I want to try to nip it in the bud.

*applauds* I've had similar issues....enough so that I've had to kill off a couple of previous EP personae. Good for you to set out your boundaries so clearly!