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You Should Know This Before You Add Me

If you are thinking about adding me or if you already have then you should know these things.
 


  1. I am happily married and there is nothing you or anyone else can do to make me cheat on my Husband.

  2. I will discuss sex with you if you can do this in a respectful and mature way. This does not mean that I want to have sex with you.

  3. I will not discuss any of your sick fantasies. I am open minded and do not consider myself a prude but there are some things that are just too much. These are things like wife swapping, diaper wearing, or grown men who want to dress up like women. I do not include transexuals in this, just blokes who wear panties and like to share the pictures with people. Sorry but I just think you are weird. There are probably other things that I would add here, but for now, I am blissfully unaware of them!

  4. Talking about pictures, I do not want to see any pictures of your genitalia!!

  5. I am a Christian and am looking to strengthen my belief.  I know I am not perfect so I will not judge you. I would like it if you don't judge me either.

  6. I have a lot of strong beliefs and they are often difficult for others to take. I do not in any way set out to offend anyone else and I appologise in advance if anything I've said has offended you, however I do appreciate intellectual conversation and debate so long as it remains respectful.

  7. I am anti-feminist and have a traditional marriage. My Husband is the head of our house hold. It is my choice that he has leadership and I like it that way. This doesn't make me a down trodden or abused wife so please don't tell me it does, you will only annoy me.

  8. I have a taken in hand marriage. This means my Husband spanks me as well as upholding the role of head of house hold. Again, this was my choice and I am not an abused wife.

  9. If I added you, it is because I have read some of your stories and appreciate your views or intelligence. I am not expecting you to be a life long buddy, just someone to share conversation with either short term or long term. I use EP for relaxation and sometimes am not around for fairly long periods. This doesn't mean I have broken friends with you or lost interest, just that I am not discussing things with you at this particular time. Please don't be offended if you don't hear from me for a long time. I don't expect you to comment on all of my stories either although, like everyone else I do love comments, so don't hold back if you do have something to add, however daft you think it might be!

  10. I was bullied at high school and I don't take kindly to bullying in any shape or form. If you are disrespectful to me or anyone else in my circle do not expect me to respect you. I rarely block people unless your offense is extreme. Like all human relationships, on EP we sometimes slip up from time to time. If I am aware I have offended you, I will say sorry. You will be respected if, in this situation you do the same.
RobertaSunset RobertaSunset 36-40, F 60 Responses Mar 20, 2011

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I agree with everything you have written and it is very well written.

Thankyou. you are in my circle though I think?

actually no, I thought you were I just added you :o)

Read and understood! I am Rachellouisedavies's father by the way.

Really? You scare me!

Everything there makes sense, Roberta. I have made a comment about your 2013 spanking too. I am adding you to my circle in the hope you will accept.

ha ha ha... your hubby is spanking you. THIS is the way he shows his leadership? Unless it is during love/sex making sessions (and then limited to both acceptance), I would never touch a woman with anything else than a flower.
In this one, I agree to disagree. The rest of the rules seem to be ok.
Take care

It\'s a consensual power exchange.... he\'s not just randomly grabbing his wife and spanking her. Not for everybody but it works well for many people.

Thankyou rubies :o)

No problemo. Any time ;-)

Yes it works for many many people, including bolshie feminists who aren\'t Christians

Ok, I think I need to clarify my opinion.
If we talk about spanking your butt chicks while having sex, this is one. Spanking or slapping a woman becasue she broke a glass in the kitchen is a different thing.
Slap/spank during sex has a double connotation: either send vibration through the woman body (and we know how important the vibrations are) or it is a take in control. Both are ok. I also like to be in control and to show it.
Now, on a different note, if you (would) have kids, would you spank them when they cause trouble? I have kids, adults now, and I physically punished them. If I would have a child now, I would not apply him/her the same treatment. A matter of timing, I think

Meetmetoday, first I thank you for stating your differing opinion respectfully. I know we are unlikely to agree but let me clarify \"discipline\". My husband would not spank me for breaking a glass in the kitchen, that isn\'t discipline, although I did ask him for help with certain destructive behaviours that I wasn\'t strong enough to stop on my own.

Many marriages are placed under strain because one partner cannot stop undesireable behaviour and that\'s why the divorce rate is so high.

We use spanking (along with non spanking discipline when spanking isn\'t appropriate) as one of the tools to bring about structure and organisation and to keep love and respect alive.

In my opinion, a spanking is a whole lot less harmful than the pain of endless arguments or behaviour which at best hurts each other and at worst, lead to separation and divorce. Far better to talk lots and come up with a plan to tackle that together. It\'s not enough to bury your head in the sand and say, people who love each other don\'t hurt each other, they do and they get darned good at it!

You talked about children and whether I would spank them. I have three boys and I do not spank them. I don\'t believe that they would respond in a positive way to a spanking so it wouldn\'t be appropriate for them.

However my opinion about spanking kids has shifted slightly. I used to be very against it now I think it should be a parents right to choose (provided it\'s not abusive) as they they know their kids best. We are raising a nation of extremely disrespectful kids who have a blind sense of entitlement. After a clear warning about what behaviour is acceptable, a few swipes across the backside with your hand isn\'t inappropriate when given by loving caring parents but we owe it to our kids to explore all the options and not just do what\'s easiest.

loll... Is it becasue of our different opinion that you did not accept my friendship request?

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Fair enough !

Get it girl!

you are really great and every one needs a friend like you to help in difficult problems to solve them or to show a way of solution.

Thankyou :o)

Well said!!

AWSUM!!! Hope we can be friends!

Can you friend me please. We are starting to explore DD and HoH. Would like to ask you questions and get advise.

Thank you, miss, for any consideration.

You and your husband are just the kind of people I would enjoy being friends with.
However, meeting here and sharing thoughts and learning from your experiences is a true grace. Thank you. ! SYBN

Thankyou :o)

I appreciate your note.. Well stated..

Thankyou :o)

I've written my Domestic discipline story under "I believe in moderate Domestic Discipline"
I too believe that the best marriages are ones where the husband is the role model, leader, head of the household and enforces discipline when necessary. I am disciplined but never punished. I would never disrespect him, be dishonest, show lack of loyalty, or disobey him because I love him completely and trust him to take care of me. I truly believe that old fashioned marriage like ours last far longer.
I enjoy your stories - thank you for sharing.
best wishes
Jack's Jill

Thankyou, I will have a look at your profile. We have not "bumped into" each other as of yet I don't think :o)

No we haven't Roberta - but better late than never.
I love what you write. Our stories and beliefs are so much alike.
I've been at some forums - but am tired of hearing about inconsistent HoHs
and wives who brat on purpose just to get spanked. That is NOT what DD is to us.
We want the most loving, warm and caring marriage possible. DD was the answer and thank goodness we discovered it.

Thank goodness.. amen to that. I am pleased to have met you today Jill. Welcome to my circle :o)

Thank you Roberta
So happy I found your circle!
So much good reading to catch up on! :)
best wishes
Jill

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Sounds reasonable.

thanks :o)

You have the life I want. How did you do it? I love my husband but I left him for disrespecting me and showing me hatred. It seems I have fallen for my husband again after a year of separation and my interests are directed at him. How do you get a man to lead? I have been head of our household while he accused me of wanting to be in control, that’s not what I want. He needs to step up. I have had a job at one point while he stayed home and while I was at work he gambled away my earnings. He yelled at me all the time, I would have preferred that he'd hit me and I would have been long gone, but he won't do as I've asked and spank me. No, not in a sexual way, sexual spankings annoy me, not that they don't turn me on. I don't know why people think spankings must be sexual. I share everything I have thought here and I make my confessions and peace here. I don't believe in sex without love and there is only one man I love, all this despite what my experiences may lead people to believe, some experiences are merely confessions, I don't recall saying I'd have sex with anyone. I just want to be me. I haven't been with anyone during our separation, I'm really not interested, I had planned to never have physical contact with anyone else. People don't understand that, my neighbor asked how I can endure not having a man for so long. It's easy. If I'm not in love then sex doesn't cross my mind often at all and I hadn't felt interested. I prayed to God that my husband would find someone else and stop asking me to return to him. That didn't work. Then I prayed that he would make changes and not be controlled by rage. Then he started speaking to me respectfully and my will to stay away from him weakened and I asked God to decide for me and tell me what was best. Then I gave up on prayer. We are on the verge of getting back together and I say that God tricked me because he knows that's not what I meant, but I am grateful that my husband is the man I was once in love with. I wonder if I should post this, but here I go, clicking the button...

Not all men have it in them to lead. The kind of men who CAN lead demonstrate it by taking complete responsibility for themselves at all times, and never make excuses. They don't have a problem admitting mistakes or seeing the other person's point of view. You say that your man expresses rage, gambles, treats you disrespectfully - none of these are the qualities of a leader; quite the reverse. You left him once, so you clearly can't bring yourself to follow - self preservation kicking in, maybe. But you have fallen for him again. I see your dilemma and greatly sympathise. It seems to me that you have the choice of making the best of what he actually is (which means turning your back on your ideals) or else finding another man. The man you have simply isn't leader material, but it could be that YOU are

I have never been a leader, never wanted to lead, but wouldn't follow someone doing the wrong things. I'll lead rather than go down a path of destruction. I refused drugs but let my friend continue her use because I don't judge, I don't drink, and don't smoke. When I met him he was a supervisor at work, he is the head of his entire family, and everyone listens to him but me. I can't follow someone doing the wrong things and it feels like I'm the only one who saw him doing these things. I see what he is, he is an addict just like my father. I love my father, I probably unconsciously looked for someone like him. My husband doesn't gamble anymore, it's just alcohol with a hold on him now and I struggle between wanting to be with him and not letting the alcohol in my house. This is my fear. I will no longer let someone make me feel worthless, I will not let someone blame me for all the wrong they do, I will not be yelled at, these are my promises to me. All I ask for is love and respect, I think I deserve it.
He says I am the most sensible person he's ever met, why? Is it because I don't argue or judge people? Is it that I never put him down, I wouldn't do that. Is it that I help him even when I leave him? I love him no matter what, but I won't accept how he was destroying me. I had to be heartless in this separation to protect myself. He found my icy, broken heart and got it beating again after I told him "Love is a myth" and I no longer believed in love.

He has recognized and admitted his mistakes. I admit I isolated myself from him and became indifferent to shield myself. I don't argue. I let him rage alone . He admits that he's an addict. He says that God touched him. He is ready to lead and I am willing to let him, but I cannot close my eyes and blindly follow, I am reviewing his application for leadership. I won't go back to him, instead he will leave his job and follow me over 1000 miles if he wants me. He lives with his niece and nephew and has since the restraining order, we all can't live there. I have my own place. Since I've known him (14 years), he's never had his own place except when I left him for 3 months when he didn't come home every night and no, I don't believe he was cheating, it was gambling and drugs. I think he fears being alone, I want to be with him, but I will be alone if I need to be. I just don't want another man, all him or nothing.

You've made me think. I so LOVE my DD life and I'm so very glad to be in it, although I've said before that I probably wouldn't opt for it if I'd married someone else. But actually I now can't imagine myself living any other way. To be so understood, and to have so much trust in a man, is wonderful on a conscious, daily basis. But I can understand the deep attachment you feel for yours... and I wish you the very best of luck

You brought back a pleasant memory, though some may not think it pleasant at all. I don't swear, I don't mean I restrain myself or sometimes, I mean not at all. Everyone who knows me is aware that I don't. It Never made sense to me because they are useless and I don't even consider them real words. On rare occasions I get so frustrated that I want to throw things and I slip and say or nearly say "****!" Or "damn!" This annoys my husband and he threatens to spank me with his belt. I love his nerve. I really wish he would. I am tempted, but for some reason I don't dare say it again. Apparently I'm allowed to do anything but curse. Lol. Should I test him when we get back together? ;-)

Maybe. For me it's knowing how far I can go, and about being praised when I make an effort. I might make it sound as if I'm condescended to but it isn't like that at all. But I can curse all I like (in private)

I think that if your husband is drinking, you cannot submit to him. He is not capable in leading you when he is gripped by that. I wouldn't attempt to have a relationship with him until you can be sure that he has fully over come his addiction. I'm really sorry you are going through this but you really need to be strong. You need to ask yourself whether you can help him without being romantically involved or if you need to walk away for your own protection. Good luck x

"The kind of men who CAN lead demonstrate it by taking complete responsibility for themselves at all times, and never make excuses. "

THIS. I am of the opinion if a woman has to ask a man to lead, well... that's going to be a challenge.

Agree with what Roberta said re: drinking. You can not submit to someone who does not have control over himself. How could he lead or take responsibility for you in any manner? (I understand addictions are complex; but it needs to be dealt with before you put yourself in his hands). Take care of yourself :)

See, I don't know any Dom who had to be asked to take the lead, ever.... they just do. But yes, I see many blogs etc where the woman did ask, and in TIH situations.

I think it's very rare for a man to make the first move in instigating a DD relationship, Like most of us, I also had to ask my husband to lead but I certainly wouldn't have trusted my husband with that authority if I wasn't 110% sure he was upto the job. I agree with damselfly "Not all men have it in them to lead" and I think at best, you would just set yourself up for heartache and resentment if you tried to push that responsibility onto a man who can't do it and at worst, danger.

I think it's different in the D/s sense it seems... I've never known a Dom who had to be asked to take the lead in a relationship or in any area. I've had many discussions with Doms about this.( I can't speak to DD.) I totally agree some men just aren't up to it regardless; that has to be hard on them. Fortunately most people seem to work out a dynamic that makes them happy :)

A sexual D/s relationship seems to be quite different from TiH, it's something I don't have any experience of but I'm guessing that they are just wired that way so it comes naturally? Not all TiH men would label themselves as a Dom, my husband wouldn't anyway :o)

we were typing at the same time, more or less the same thing :o)

Yeah, I think while they have numerous commonalities, in some ways they are also quite different. Yes, every Dom I have ever talked to (minus the phonies and we know there are lots!) has always known they were a Dominant, but didn't always have a word for it when they were younger. I think you nailed it - they are just wired that way.

Hahah... no, I can totally understand how some men wouldn't really want the "Dom" title! It's nice when relationships find their own individual balance and life runs smoothly!

I don't mean to jump into you ladies' discussion, but, I needed to ask.
I've never felt like a leader, I constantly worry, I don't drink smoke or gamble.
If I'm not a leader, then what?

You just do what makes you happy :o)

Awww John... most people are somewhere in between and there is NOTHING wrong with that. It doesn't mean you can't still lead. It's just that for some they naturally lead (couldn't have it any other way because it's so innate) and people sense this and follow. Everyone is human and worries occasionally, etc.

Yes! What Roberta said! :D

Thanks RedRubies, you seem to always know what to say.

Before you get back together with this man you NEED to communicate your needs. Not just the need for him to lead but also the need for him to make certain changes in his life. He needs to make positive moves in this direction before you give yourself to him. HOH is not and never should be involved with dangerous or abusive behavior. You may love him but is he capable of truly loving you in return? As a submissive you will sacrifice everything for your HOH before you do make sure he is willing to make sacrifices worthy of your devotion.

Roberta, as I understand it you asked your husband to lead in a TiH role. I'm sure that if you think back objectively you'll probably agree that he was already leading, but just not in that form. Mine wouldn't label himself as Dom either; but I would

Excellent advice there :o)

We started off our TiH relationship with me "surrendering" as in the book "The Surrendered Wife. I think in the beginning my husband actively fought not to make the decisions, I definitely pushed him in that direction, after that we just sort of settled, it seemed like all our problems were fixed and I started to sort of crave that I could be more accountable to him and he would take more authority over me. I don't think my Husband is a natural dominant but he's good at it because he's a man and I think they always try to rise to the challenge for the woman they truly love.

I'm sorry, but do you just not believe that a woman can lead a family?

I know the last 30 years mainstream media has portrayed a fatherless household to be acceptable. That's not what I'm asking

I think a woman can lead a family, many do so and are perfectly happy but I don't think it brings about ultimate satisfaction for either men or women. I also believe that (generalising of course) men have naturally evolved to find the job easier than women and to derive more satisfaction from leading, probably why for many years everyone lived that way.

Thank you Roberta. I have to leave for a while, but would love to discuss this more with you. If you don't mind, thanks.

Feel free to message me if you'd like :o)

@john - Sometimes I fluke out and say the right thing! (phew...)

@Sapphire - Yes,there word "submission" causes concern to many people and I understand why, I really do. sometimes people can logically understand it once it is explained, but if they don't feel a "pull" towards one way or the other, it's hard to relate to and I honestly understand that.

"what kind of initial dominance on their own are we talking about?"

Leading in everything that they do. I can only speak for the Doms I have had experience with and that describes them to a "T". Led in school, led in work, lead in their current field, naturally lead others and - interestingly - many practiced some form of D/s before they knew the name for it and from a relatively young age. I'd love to give specific examples but I know the people in question relish their privacy.

So, rather than a woman asking them to lead or dominate, they already do, They'd be a "Dom" regardless of relationship status. Again, I can only speak from my experience. :-)

Oh and yes, ha ha,I think there is some "pheromone" they give off because we really do just sense it!

I think I will remain anti-feminism even though I am a die hard liberal.

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It is great to see such honesty. As a newbie it seems to me there are people in EP merely concerned with collecting friends and points.

As an atheist how would I fit in your circle? That being said the greatest examples of Christianity to me were The Quakers. In Europe they suffered greatly for conscientious objection to WW1. Even if they volunteered to help on humanitarian grounds they were treated badly and with disrespect.

It is appalling that in UK we have a Queen who is head of the Church of England yet we have sexual discrimination in that CofE is denying the rights of women to become bishops.

I believe some women are misguided in believing that a career is more important than enjoying the relationship of being able to bring up a child through the early stages of life. It is unfortunate we focus on social structures and benefits to put women in low paid part time work and pass the upbringing of their children to grandparents or others. We would have to put back the time clock to a period where there were more full time jobs at good rates of pay to enable a man to keep a family.

Would I be correct in thinking that your spanking is consensual in that you would let your partner know the pain had passed the level of acceptable negotiated punishment? If that is the situation you are clearly not being abused or necessarily dominated but sharing an experience.

In real life I have never worn female clothing but I have been a Mistress in Second Life enjoying the consensual punishment of both women and men. My greatest pleasure was dealing with men who regarded me as a sex object and dressing in expensive but not sexually provocative clothing. For me it offered a brilliant opportunity to experience male attitudes to women - I did find most men respectful and considerate.

I consider this added to my rich patchwork of life but perhaps you regard it as a kink too far

#8. I am sorry ! Real men don't hit women !

Well some would say that real men don't wear girls underwear or enjoy pooping in their pants like babies. I guess we all have our beliefs and pleasures and it would be a sad world if everyone was the same.

I would suggest we have to be able to separate TiH, and its associated discipline, and force and abuse used in violence. You are not a battered wife that refuses to set herself free. You enjoy the loving relationship shared between yourself and your husband. Isn't that what is important?

greggcaresto, a blanket response like yours is mere cant, and given the circumstances I have to wonder about your motivation in saying it. Real men don't indulge

Love.... yes, that is what's important.

I agree real men DON'T hit women. Men that just slap, kick, beat on women and force them to do their wishes is NOT a man at all. But I would like you to look at what most women are saying in these stories of being Taken in Hand. In relationships we learn one anothers likes and dislikes. Some men like woman on top, doggie style, oral, they like to watch women *****, they like to grab their breast and squeeze them..... and all of these things are okay...they are look upon as ''sexual preferences''... not all men are alike though. And not all women are either. I have the ''functional'' regular way... and my relationship was failing. Now I don't know, nor can I speak for every woman out there...but I will say that in movies when you see a man take a woman and cross her over his knee and spank her bottom he is look upon as a sex symbol. John Wayne looked far more sexy to me when I seen him give a spanking!!! ~ So if you read our stories you will find that in most cases it has been the woman who asked for this relationship. Call it a kink, call it a preference if you like, but it's what we want and desire. If it's okay for men to get their ''kinks'' fulfilled, why can't we? Spanking on the butt is far different from getting a slap to the face..a punch in the ribs, a kick to the stomach. My husband spanked me yesterday and because of that I had a major breakthrough and opened up to him. We are talking more freely. It has been an awesome adventure! He's a great man, who wants to please me in every way.... so what is wrong with that? We are in a relationship that has lasted almost 22 years so far. So we are consenting adults who are trying something new! So your ''blanket response'' is ill informed toward me and several others on here.... but non the less what you said is true.... in abuse situations. No woman should be subjected to abuse.

Thanks Matilda, that was a good argument there and I agree about John Wayne lol :o)

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Hi Roberta,
I feel for you because I was bullied too at school. I'm a "little person." I'm grown up now (20's) and I'm four feet three inches tall. I'm an emerging writer, trying to lead people to embrace their natural sexuality, even though it may not be like the sexuality of others. I haven't tried being spanked, because I don't have a steady boyfriend or partner, but I'm attracted to your acceptance of being spanked. I think I would like it too. I understand the difference between consensual spanking and physical abuse (which is abhorrent). I'd love it if you could tell me about your pleasure in spanking, since I think I would like to try it.

About the bullying, I was blessed to have a friend, Jennifer (anonymous name) who was a big girl, who protected me and became my best friend. I gave up a guy I was in love with, because he was a better match for her than for me. They have a wonderful marriage, and I am so in love with both of them, it has made my life richer.

You can read the story of my first sexual experience in my book Ingrid Tells All, at "I am a nymphomaniac."

Blessings to your and your family.

Thanks for your comment. I get pleasure in spanking sexually, I like rough sex a lot. I never really tried to fully analyse why, but I like to be over powered by a man. I also found being truly loved and accepted by my husband very confidence building. We have great communication and a lot of trust. He's a good man and he wants only the best for me. It's a reassuring position to be in and I feel security in submitting to him. There were some personal issues which I felt could be addressed through physical discipline and as expected I've responded very positively. For us, domestic discipline has brought us much greater love and harmony, we don't argue half as much. It's hard to put into words but I'd say it makes me feel whole. If you want to chat more about this, you can message me if you'd like :o)

Well said. Sometimes it's hard to be in a group such as (ex. I like music), then ones from that group read my profile and see that I am in a taken in hand relationship and think I'm a freak. It's frustrating...I think people have a right to be who they are, but not everyone thinks like that.

I haven't come up across much flack from people over it, most are pretty accepting even if they do think it strange although there's always the occasional idiot who feels they have to make a scene... that's life :o)

This is America. Be who you are.

Well I'm English but I'm still going to be who I am lol... :o)

that will work

Bloody 'ell? You're English! ....lol...

So can I just copy this and add my name re post it....grin. Well written my dear, I love it!

Thanks... lol :o)

You sound very interesting. I am from Nigeria and I cannot imagine any English women I know being patriarchy believers! Well done on a happy marriage!

Thanks :o)

You sound like a good person i believe but I am confused about a lot of things and to be honest iAm wilder then most but I believe in respecting people regardless if there different then me

I agree :o)

I would like to be friends with you also. I respect your rules. I hope you have read my profile and understand that my husband and I both use this profile but are very clear who is on here at any given time. Nice to meet you.

thankyou, it's nice to meet you too :o)

That comment must went to you by accident i don't know you.

Sorry i won't be adding you to my friends list,i seem to be a sicko pervert in your eyes. And you have to many rules

Well I looked at your profile and you have no interests other than womens hair so not a sicko pervert but pretty boring and definitely extremely rude. I think I can do without you so no tears lost here.

Hmmm, That's pretty clear. Add me anyway. Just don't look at my naughty pics. lol. xxxxx I like your style.

You have all the right to live your life as you wish, but bullying at school seems related to allowing your husband to control you mentally and physically.

askme3, that is a very annoying thing for you to have said

Lol.. no it's not. The submission I give my Husband is a gift of love and it's who I am sexually and spiritually. It is entirely my choice, it has nothing what so ever to do with the fact I was bullied at school. I am 35 now, what happened at school was 20+ years ago and I have forgiven my bullies and moved on, they were just kids and they don't affect my life now.

I think this is great. I don't agree with ALL your views but I'd fight to the death for your right to hold them

Thanks :o)

Terrific list!

well thought out and well presented.

Thankyou :o)