What You Should Know.

I suppose. But, I still do talk to people who are unattractive.... I mean, they're really nice. And I'll be friends with practically everyone who gives me a chance. It just bugs me when they fall for me, and stuff. Because I can't return their feelings. It just stays platonic. They turn into... sort of like siblings to me.
I just don't feel a spark.... And you can't... you can't, well.... start a fire without a spark. I am well aware that a fire is a bad relationship metaphor. But I guess, since I'm young, it's the most accurate way of describing what a relationship would be like to me at this age. It's kind of stupid, isn't it? How shallow we all are.

Yes it's very stupid!

And the fire is actually a great metaphor...

I think this whole relationship thing would be a lot easier if we didn't base things on appearances. But it's pretty much all just evolution, eh? I think we're genetically programmed to do that type of thing.
Really? But after you put out a fire, you'll find that everything it touches has burnt to ash, and nothing is left. So. I was hesitant to use that metaphor. But, love burns brightly, doesn't it? At least, according to all the cliches. I suppose.

Yeah i was reading a book on psychology and apparently our Physical features can play a massive role in our development and the personality we eventually possess.

The ash is the remnants of our soul, truly proof that our light is shining :)

How, though? I mean, physical features do change with age, sort of. You could be... for example, plain as a child, and pretty as a grown up--or vice versa.
Ah, that's pretty and quite poetic.

Haha i'm not poetic, it's just how i perceived it.

It's connected to a persons ego.
Those who are identified with their good looks (models), physical strength (boxers), or abilities experience suffering when those attributes begin to fade and disappear, as of course they will.
Their very identity that was based on them is then threatened with collapse. In either case, ugly or beautiful, people derive a significant part of their identity, be it negative or positive, from their body.
To be more precise, they derive their identity from the 'I' thought that
they erroneously attach to the mental image or concept of their body, which
after all is no more than a physical form that shares the destiny of all forms impermanence and ultimately decay.

Your perception is pretty, then.

Well. I suppose. But what about people who's looks change for the better, or worse? Will their ego inflate or deflate? Or people whose looks manage to stay youthful for quite a bit of time? I don't believe looks determine everything... I feel like their interactions with others will better determine their personalities. For example... If someone is beautiful, but their interactions have always been negative--and they are told that they are ugly and unattractive for their entire life, I doubt they'll have a positive concept of their body.

I totally agree, i'm not saying looks are everything but to some people they clearly are.

The interaction they have with others can shape their personality with just as much force.

It's when we move past the toxic relations of our past and stop worrying about the I, My and Me that we truly become enlightened orrrr so i'm told haha

Yeah. As pretty/handsome as someone is.... There can always be a serious pitfall. For example, they can actually be quite awful to said person. I mean, looks are great, but personality does matter. Why chase after someone if they don't speak to you anymore, or blatantly say that they dislike you, or something along the lines of such?
Definitely. And, it's so hard to let go of the past. When it's changed people so much. I don't think it's possible.... to an extent.... to ever forget everything completely, unless one is suddenly stricken with amnesia or something. There will always be little traces of the past in everything one does.

It actually kind of angers me how many people are affected by the past, especially when children have been brainwashed to think a certain way.

People can go through rebirths, I've seen and to some extent experienced this myself (YOU CAN ALWAYS CHANGE WHO YOU ARE) though this usually, but not always, comes through some spiritual awakening.

Just as a candle cannot burn without fire, man cannot live without a spiritual life.
- Buddha

I don't mean... that it affects them fully. Just that fragments remain. For example.... the fact that it happened. Or we could go on to.... Events where something profoundly affected someone. Like.... If someone's arm was chopped off. I think... the event would still affect them.... as they must operate without an arm.
I'm an agnostic--so, I don't think spirituality will help me cope. I--personally, don't operate with a specific heaven or hell, or faith. Because it seems unfair. I don't think I can change myself--I am a stubborn person. When I am hurt by words, or actions, I will always remember. I dwell in those events--I chose to do so... instead of thinking about other, bright, things. But honestly.... I don't think it's spirituality. I think it's about the self. Only you can choose to change yourself. Only you can stop things from haunting you.

Being spiritual ISN'T always about choosing a faith or religion! So, so, SO many people get confused between Spirituality and Religion/Faiths. >:l

Please explain to me WHY you choose to dwell in those events, don't you want to be happy!?

Spirituality is the pursuit of God--basically. If I believe that there's no way to find out if there is a "God", I won't pursue "God", I won't think about it. Hence, my agnosticism.
I simply have nothing else to think about. Therefore, I obsess. I don't know if I can be happy. I am probably happy sometimes. I only have vague ideas of how, but they require movement. And I don't really want to move. I don't want to do anything, really. Except. Maybe. Sleep. Drink. Eat. I have nothing in my life to be happy about. Except. Maybe. That I'm not having seizures, or that I don't have cancer. Or anything too bad. But... It could also work the opposite way. I could be unhappy because I'm not perfectly healthy. I could be unhappy because I don't have a good memory. I don't want to be haunted by everything that's happened... But what else should I think about?
Tell me, what do you think about? And do you think that there is an answer for everything?

The essence of spirituality is the search to know our real self, to discover the true nature of consciousness.
Throughout the history, it has been said that the self we know -- the separate individual self -- is a limited form of what we truly are. Unaware of our true self, we identify with our thoughts and feelings, our memories and our personality.

Such experiences are always changing, but the self that knows them remains the same. We may be very different people than we were twenty years ago, but the "I" that is aware of the difference is the same "I" as twenty years ago. It is omnipresent and eternal. It is the "I" that knows that it knows. The very essence of being aware. It is always present, whatever we may be experiencing, sacred or profane.

This ever-present sense of being is so obvious it is easily overlooked. We fall into believing that we are the individual senses of self that appears in our mind. Like a character in a novel, this separate self engrosses us with its hopes and fears, plans and deliberations. It believes that fulfillment comes from what we have or do in the world, from our roles and possessions, from our personality and how others see us. It promises us happiness, but any happiness it does bring is usually short-lived, and we soon find ourselves chasing some new promise.

Identifying ourselves with the vulnerable, ever-changing character of our personal story, the "I" misses its true nature. Our thinking and behavior become "self-centered", leading far too often to suffering in ourselves and others.

When we awaken to the true nature of self, we are freed from many of the fears that plague us so unnecessarily. We discover an inner peace that does not depend upon events or circumstances in the world around, a quiet but profound inner fulfillment. We become less self-centered, less needy of others' approval or recognition, less focused on collecting possessions and social status. We become happier, healthier and more loving people, less likely to cause suffering to ourselves or others.

This is self-liberation. And its transforming impact has made it the essence of the spiritual quest.

http://www.experienceproject.com/question-answer/Is-Being-SPIRITUAL-And-RELIGIOUS-The-Same/1826867?sort=recent#14730753

- http://www.peterrussell.com/Weaver/WeaverSpirituality.php

What do i think about?
I think about the future, my future, humanities future.
I know that i'll be on this planet for around 80 years (possibly much less) and i know that I've lived approximately 25% of my life.

On my daily commute to college, every morning i notice the people, I see people walking around who are either happy or sad.
The people i actually know walk around in the exact same way, some are optimistic and some are more pessimistic but you tend to notice, the people who are upbeat have come to peace with themselves, they know who they are, they know what they enjoy doing and they know what they're capable of.

So now they have found there truth, they've found their status "their state".

The most important question for anyone to answer is "Who am i?"

I'm still finding myself and probably still will be many years from now, but you know the irony?

In a few years i would realize something that many many many people have found.....

Life isn't about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself. - George Bernard Shaw

For now I'm finding peace through learning, acts of kindness and helping people in any way i can, this is who i'm becoming.
Do you think the person i'll be in 5 years will be the same person as i was 5 years ago!? The answer is. NO.

I sincerely hope you'll find peace because you seem like an incredible person and it would be such a shame.

All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another. - Anatole France

I live my life by these words because they are, ultimately, true:

- You've got one tiny moment in time for life to shine.... :)

That's really, really, quite a lot to reply to, haha. I think you've trumped me when it comes to replying in really, really long replies. I'm not really quite sure of how to start, but I'm not quite sure how I should end this, either. Either way, my self mostly thinks of nothing. It's mostly dependent on what type of day I'm having, if certain things trigger certain memories... etc. It's all about what society, what my mother, nags me about on a daily basis. You seem really kind and sweet, but I don't think I'll find peace for awhile until I stop being afraid of action, or let go of everything entirely--which is impossible. And I'm really, really not an incredible person--as much as I am mediocre, conflicted, simple-minded and simply just a person.

Again you're right and when you say "I am mediocre, conflicted, simple-minded and simply just a person" this makes you an amazing individual in my eyes because you have the power of self reflection and this can lead to the soul searching needed.
Some people go their whole lives being ignorant of their short comings.

Tell me, what makes you happy?

How old are you?

Do you hate yourself? If so, why?

How important is music to you?

I think everyone knows their weaknesses. It's just that most refuse to admit it. I've thought about my existence, and ultimately decide that I think nothing of it. I could live. I couldn't. Ultimately, my death means nothing to the universe--except, maybe, ultimately me.
I'm not sure of what makes me happy, really. Being tolerated makes me happy? Positive attention makes me happy? There's not much I can really say.
I've already told you how old I am. I even know how old you are. You're only a year or so older than me.
I only sometimes hate myself. I don't often feel strong emotions, though, I do force it upon myself to feel normal. I normally don't care for myself. And that's not hate.
Music is something I listen to. I wouldn't die without it. It's a lovely escape.

I would love to help you get past this, i know how you feel because i've been there myself and for that reason i know there's a way past it.

I'm out of town for a few days but would love to carry on talking to you. I'll try to contact you on Friday! :D

Oh. Alright!

Wait. Is someone going to take care of your cat?

yeah my drug dealer, now on the surface that sounds really bad but my pal is really intelligent and caring so it's good haha

Well. As long as your cat doesn't get high or anything. :)
Sorry. Wasn't quite sure of what to say.