88 Lines About 44 Men

Fred was religious, very tall, and loved me fiercely until the day he died.
He was the guy I somehow thought would always be there, but now he's not.

Charles was a little nerdy, but he was a doll.
He was the first boy that ever called me on the phone.

Steve was sort of my best friend/best crush in sixth grade.  I remember asking him if he liked a girl, and he said yes...I asked him who and he said my name backwards (which makes a common word)...I pretended not to know what he was saying. 

Sam was a very cute boy in my eighth grade French class.  I loved that class because of him, and thought it was fun that my boyfriend's name should rhyme with mine.

Buddy had white blonde hair, funny and smart and ironic.  I had such a crush on him but we never really connected.

Randy was my love for many years but one day decided he was gay.
He died so suddenly too, his sadness caught up with him, our friendship fractured.

Steve was a horndog...not all that bright but a very handsome football player.  Sometimes when you're just a girl, that's all you need.

Willie was so funny and I loved him more than any man ever until he broke my heart.
And I decided I had to break his right back; he still asks my dad about me.

Tom was a townie boy, very much a transition guy.  He had such a large penis that sex was very uncomfortable with him, and it only happened once.

Tim was a pre-law student and my first major college crush.
He broke my heart, in a minor way.

Dominique was my first foreign boyfriend, and the first to ask me to shave.
Apparently part of his culture...I ditched him ruthlessly after he visited, bringing me presents.

John was my next door neighbor and though we flirted, nothing really happened because he had a live-in girlfriend who was wildly attracted to my boyfriend (see "Bob").  He was a blue-eyed sandy blonde with a brilliant mind and an ironic sense of humor, and introduced me to the Nails (88 lines about 44 women) and REM.

Jeff was a crush I remember to this day, but my boss...he played "Margaritaville" on the guitar at three in the morning.  I found out later that he had a thing for me, even though he had a girlfriend, and I still wonder what would have happened that night if I'd had the confidence that I have today.

George looked and dressed like the lead singer from INXS.  It was his only positive feature.

Dave, I'll call him Dave because I can't remember his real name, was hopelessly in love with me.  He was short, chubby, not all that bright and wore cowboy boots...not a hope in hell, in other words.

Bobby was a sweet boy, tall and blonde, and liked to party a lot.  I kissed him once at sunrise, in a car...ran into him this summer and he still remembered me.

William was a friend, and suffered from depression and acne.  He'd never kissed a girl before so I kissed him.

WH was tall, and bizarre, sort of like an 80's Napoleon Dynamite.  His entire name was WH and one night we made pot brownies and laughed for almost 8 hours straight.

Jim was a guitar-playing Beatles fan that reminded me just a little bit of John Denver in a way.  Oh I liked him so much but he was very, very religious and I wasn't, so it wouldn't work.

Ron was more of a friend, though we made out once or twice.  He was in Officer training, had a girlfriend, and said the word "****" constantly.

Peter actually stalked me, although I didn't realize it was him...he saw me on a train and tracked me down.  He liked sex in public places, and gave me cocaine once although it did nothing for me except make everything look really green.

Paul...Paul worked with my friend, and he dropped by one night to see if she was home.  She wasn't, and we talked for a while and then kissed on my front porch, one of the best kisses I've ever had.

Bob was just about the wildest sex I ever had; he looked wild too, big, strong, long dark hair.  But so sensitive inside, and needy, and it drove me away - I broke his heart.

Matthew had a crush on me for fifteen years, but I never learned it until recently.  I always treated him as my little brother although we'd mess around now and again...so no, not like my little brother I guess.

Gary was my girlfriend's boyfriend for many years, and after they broke up he told me he'd always had a thing for me.  He was too sad to have a relationship with, though, and I also knew my girlfriend wasn't over him.

Buz was a fugitive and smoked a lot of pot and liked to bowl.
We had little in common, and he finally left the night I held a knife to his throat.

Jon looked like James Dean, only he hadn't slept in three weeks.  He was very handsome but very worldweary, and we just thought the other was hot and smooched a bit.

Mark played the blues in a bar; my ex boyfriend who just decided he was gay and I went out to see him, and my ex thought he was cute.  I immediately started flirting with him and dated him out of spite.

Frank was younger, tall, blonde and blue-eyed.  He was very handsome, sincere, and had a good sense of humor, but just wasn't quite bright enough for me.

Ivor was from Limerick Ireland and had that funny, self-deprecating Irish humor.  I think I liked his accent more than I actually liked him.

Carmine was a mobster, although I didn't believe it for the longest time, and the single most annoying human being I've ever dated.  He was in to bondage and diamonds and is the only ex that I would cheerfully smack in the face, if I saw him on the street. 

Adonis was an 18 yr old boy that I dated when I was 30...I can't remember his name but Adonis suits him well.  Although he was physically perfect I couldn't even bring myself to kiss him because he was so stupid...so young.

I worked with Dom, tall, dark haired, long face, funny...he took our group out to this fantastic seafood restaurant and we flirted a bit over wine and a ton of shrimp.  We had a date scheduled but I transferred from that office.

Ben and Mark were two Manhattan lawyers who both happened to be 6'2", 200 lbs, Jewish, black hair and blue eyes.  I'm not sure I liked either all that much but thought the similarities were really funny.

Greg looked like a blonde Tom Cruise.  I hate Tom Cruise, and I don't care for Greg much more than that.

Carlos was a musician, a guitar player from Long Island.  He was quite sexy but didn't have a whole lot of steam behind the hamster running along in his mind.

Eric was a travelling executive who loved to ski and party in Vegas.  He was perfect in a lot of ways, but didn't ever want children and knew it.

That's not 44 but all I can remember right now. 

DiscoveryChick DiscoveryChick
41-45, F
1 Response Mar 26, 2009

Well I'm old, you know. :) I was 30 before I married the first time so that's a lot of dating!