You're Doing That?? Really???

 So, in preparation for Oscar Night, we attended a best picture movie marathon yesterday. All five movies in one day, all the popcorn you can eat!! We got there early to stake out our seats and as luck would have it, no one sat in the two seats between us and the next nearest patrons!! Yay! The first movie began... Milk.

Five minutes in, a large woman wearing a carpel tunnel support and carrying the world's largest barrel of popcorn clomped in with her equally large daughter/sister/best friend. They spotted the two empty seats next to me and proceeded to cross, ever so slowly, in between me and the screen, stepping on my toes and slamming their over large purses, jackets, and bags of theater goodies into my knees. It took them forever to get settled in, but they finally did. The one sitting next to me set a regular sized cup filled with some kind of smelly orange soda looking stuff in the cup holder, and then flipped open her phone and began texting someone, which was annoying enough, but her little phone had even littler jingle bells on it, which jingled and jangled with every touch of her finger to the keys. Annoying!! (This is something she did throughout the movies -- i tried to give her the hint by sighing heavily and then whipping out my own phone and aiming the glowing screen at her eyes, to no avail. Rude people never seem to get the hint.)

Turns out the smelly orange stuff was a whole cup of imitationbutter/margarine/whatever that she dribbled onto her popcorn and then shook into it vigorously at five minute intervals throughout the film. Apparently, this caused her carpel tunnel to flare up, because she felt the need to rrrriiiiiiiippppp open the velcro and adjust it after every annoying shake of the bag.

Now most of this is just your normal, every day, run of the mill cinema rudeness, albeit abnormally present all in one large annoying and irritating person. But here is where the story takes a turn:

After she had downed half her bag of popcorn, she leaned over and began digging in her overlarge, Mary Poppins style satchel for something that was quite important. I saw her take out a small plastic baggie with some type of two pronged instrument in it. I couldn't quite make out what the hell the thing was, but she proceeded to stick the thing in her mouth and wiggle it around... Oh My God! I thought and almost bellowed out loud --- SHE IS FLOSSING HER TEETH!!!! FLOSSING HER TEEEEEEETTTHHH!!! IN A MOVIE THEATER!!! WITH MY BAG OF POPCORN BETWEEN ME AND HER FLOSSING HAND!!!

This disgusting activity went on and on interminably --- I was getting more and more uncomfortable.. when would she stop? would she EVER stop? Could she at least quit spitting the husks out as she flossed them from between her teeth??? UUUgggghhh!!!

More irritating activities followed, which I won't detail here, but then she ate MORE POPCORN AND HAD TO FLOSS AGAIN!!! This time I poked my husband and told him to start the timer on his watch. She flossed the second time for EIGHT MINUTES!!! EIGHT MINUTES!!! Who even flosses for eight minutes in the privacy of their own bathroom???? Bleh!!!

So... that's my story. Later in the movie, she was digging in her satchel again and touched my naked ankle with her flossing hand. It totally grossed me out...

celerystalk3000 celerystalk3000
36-40
6 Responses Feb 22, 2009

You<br />
are<br />
awesome!!

I would!! But first I would tie her up in her own floss, pour imitation butter all over her, and let her loose at a cat farm!!!

OMG you would actually hit a woman with her arms all wrapped up in bandages?? I knew there was a reason I liked you!

You don't know how close I came.....

Oh - you were nicer than I. I think I would hit them grrrr

If it weren't for the popcorn, I'd be all with you on that!!! Although after this last experience, I'm a little put off by it!!!