Future Self.

Dear Sara.
You're most likely dead now but I just wanted to apologize for the failure I made of your life. Wanted to apologize for not succeeding in being okay. I tried, I tried so hard. I tried doing what was best each and every time so I made a better me in the future. It just failed, like everything does in my life. I'm sorry, I have failed you and I. I hoped it wouldn't turn out like this, I really hoped things would of been better. Turn out a lot better too. I'm sorry I couldn't find the strength to be okay, to be happy. I guess happy just didn't suit me. I tried not to have so much hate for the world but the hatred took over me! It took over everything, I couldn't control it any longer. I just wanted to see blood and nothing but blood. I wanted to see everyone who had caused me such pain, dead and rotten! I wanted to see them covered in deep cuts and blood. I know it sounds horrendous, and I also know it doesn't sound like me - but that's how I become. The hate, was too strong for too long. I didn't give up straight away, I went on with life with my head looking at the floor even though it should be looking up but my confidence - well you know my confidence is ground level low. I just want to say sorry, for not being okay, okay enough to keep you alive. I'm sorry Sara. 
BeingSara BeingSara
22-25, F
3 Responses May 12, 2012

you break MY heart, girl =/ I know that this story is written in the past and you might've changed your vision about life, but each time I read these sad, sad, sad =[ stories of yours, they just slowly kill my spirit

hang in there.

i hope you are still hanging on and haven't done anything to harm yourself, life and things do get better, reach out a hand, even to a stranger and they would help you if they can, you don't have to be angry, sad and alone, u just have to be willing to let it go and for a short period of time decide that you will dedicate time for yourself only! not thinking about the evil people who hurt you and made you feel like you do now... time to do what you want, time to try out new healthy things that brings a smile on your face even for a second, once you are strong you'd be more able to carry this hate on those who hurt you without it devouring you, trust me, i am speaking from experience, because since the day i left, everyday i have been away from them makes all the day to day struggles i go through to be on my own well worth it ! and i am not suicidal anymore :D your letter really touched me and i hope you have given yourself enough time to see that you are not alone, i'm a stranger but since we have same name and somewhat similar emotions/experience i really care about you :) stay strong <3