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i miss you very much......

i know doesn't matter anymore.

papri papri 31-35, F 2 Responses Nov 20, 2012

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Of course it matters

Who you miss is part of who you are

I miss someone with an ache that makes me cry out loud

But I would far rather live with this pain that not miss him at all

maybe it does..but not really..i am already very much far and i am staying away from contacting....sometimes tears just glide down my cheeks even without feeling sad...i feel tired to cry even..things change people change but i seem to be just the same....

Have you been feeling like this for a long time?
There must be some things that give you joy?

maybe like 2 years...honestly even though i have achieved many things in my life and lil things sometimes make me feel glad and grateful but i don't really feel good...but i am trying just to make myself better...

Who are you missing I wonder, and why do you think it doesn't matter?

my best friend..he doesn't remember me anymore..

Well then he's not your best friend, either, papri :( I am wondering if you were in love with him and never told him. Sounds like a very deep connection. I hope it was not so long ago that you became divided, my friend?

i am not someone who allows others to be close to me...but he was my best friend for 5 years...i have confessed I loved him...he got married...last time i saw him was 2 years ago...i try to stay away..

Oh, I'm sorry papri :( These things are very difficult, I know :(( It's good that you're able to talk about it. That's a start to recovery my friend, hopefully.

recovery J..? being the person i'm i guess nothing can change my thoughts or memories....well..i just don't know...i am just trying to live..

Yes, papri. Do you not hope happiness for your friend? Maybe he already has that... Do you not think he hopes happiness for you? And whether or not he does, I do and I'm sure other friends of yours do, and I'm sure you deserve it. I know how it can be to be stuck because of a lost love. Extremely painful... But yes, recovery is the word my friend. For the time-being, I am glad you are surviving. I think you will be able to do more in time. Not trying to trivialise this, or say it's easy, not at all :((

J..i'm really at loss of words at the moment to tell you much....but happiness cannot be just wished and it comes to you. someone breaks that fragile glass of happiness and if they tell you to be that ever feasible?

Nobody's telling you to be happy. Of course not. That's why I say it isn't easy. I think with this, there's a long path to recovery. If that path is blocked, the heart seals up :( Been there and done that and wouldn't wish it upon anyone :((

yes..i don't wish things like this happen to anyone either...neither do i want to hurt or take away someone's happiness..because i have lost mine..makes me sad because i lost my best friend as well...being sensitive makes things more difficult and complicated which others can rarely comprehend...i'm sorry for what you have been thru J...i wish life was a lil bit easier to live...

Yes, being extra sensitive doesn't make it any easier. There are two books that spring to mind I think you should have a look at, papri: "The Highly Sensitive Person" by Elaine Aron, and "Mars and Venus: Starting Over" by John Gray. The first is more generally for help with sensitivity, the second about grieving the loss of love.

thanks J...i would try to read them if i can get them..

You're very welcome. I use both myself my friend.

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