Dear Father.

Somehow I just can't seem to get past what you have done. I've been told many times that I am lucky to have a father, but they don't know you. They don't even understand the pain that you put me through.

You've apologized and claim that your life is miserable because of me not forgiving you, but I just can't stand the fact that you starved us in our home, turned the home grandpa left Andreya and I into one of the biggest crack houses in the city.
That you fed us about once a week.
That you belittle me infront of my friends.

You make me seem really stupid and even called me retarded, and yet you don't realize how much I hate that term now?

How you brag to my friends about the time you did coke and make it seem like it was one of the best times ever and sometimes the worst, I hate those memories and I hate that you bring them up.

You won't get a job and call me lazy for being the only one who works, just because I don't clean my room every day?

You said I would turn out just like my uncle? I'm sorry but I'm never going to be like him, I'm not going to be around begging people for money and depending on everyone to help pay my bills, I don't call people just to gossip and I rarely ever complain about how horrible my life is.

You insult my boyfriend, just because he's not perfect, you claim that he won't love me for who I am because it's impossible for people to love me right? I'm too fat, I dye my hair I wear "too much" makeup, oh and I'm lazy.
You think he's nothing but a worthless native but you know what? You don't even know him and you don't even know what he's going through either, and you have no right judging him because even if he can't walk in ten years he'll still be better than you, just because his father went to jail, he still turned out better than you.

And look what you've done to me! You helped me hate myself for who I am, made it seem like I'm not so likeable that I'm stupid and I won't go anywhere in life.
Usually you think that guys won't be good enough for me but no, that's not you now is it, although you say it is.
But you do make it seem like I'm never going to be good enough for anyone.

Andreya is the perfect daughter isn't she? Just because she's like you right. She wore heavier makeup than I did and you still called her beautiful, now when you compliment me it just seems like you're lying to yourself, and I can't believe you when you say it. No matter what she'll always be better than me right? Yeah, well that's okay I don't really need a father anyways. I was fine without you and I don't need you now.

You were my hero, you could have even been my best friend but not coming to see me when I was in foster care---where you put me I might add, and coming up with pathetic excuses not to be there hurts me. That you took my mother away from me on my birthday because she was under your spell.

I don't want you here, you're making everything harder for me, and I was perfectly fine living with just mom and Andreya, I was happy but now... now I'm not the person I want to be.

And yet you won't leave. Depend on poker to give you money but no, you haven't been getting any and I still work my *** off at a grocery store to help pay the bills, I'm not going to be a teenager anymore and I've grown up way too fast.

But you won't listen to that, you won't accept that and for that I cannot forgive you.

queenisabella queenisabella
18-21, F
2 Responses Mar 22, 2009

My hope is that since the time you have written this letter that you have gotten out of this situation with your father. He might be your biological father, but blood is definitely not thicker than water. He has really done a lot of damage. If he's turned around since then and he is completely healthy, perhaps you can rebuild your father and daughter relationship, but it's not going to be easy. We can forgive, but it is not easy to forget. Why? Because memories are still there. They don't go away. But each time a bad memory creeps in about our past, we most forgive again. I don't like it when people think they should just forgive and move on, most especially when we have gotten no heartfelt apology and the person hasn't changed at all. If that's the case, you must move on and find healthy loving role models. I wish well. Blessings!

well i try talking to him..my dad..even writing a letter and i m still in the same house with him..he just ignores it..i wish i could say he was my hero..but like lagenomai sais we have to forgive..i forgive but i cant forget..maybe with time..at least we have ep :)