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I Was For 10 Years.........

I was a battered wife for 10 years....those years I have lost forever. I come from a long line of hard Italian family on my father's side, and just as hard on my mother's side which is Irish........
It was an arranged marriage by my father....he wanted dealings with the family...and the only way they would do business together is if the children ( me and my soon to be husband) were married.....and when I turned a certain age...we married....I hated him since day one, he was not a nice guy....no conscience what so ever...do not evwn think he had a real heart in that chest. The beatings started shortly after we were married, then got worse and worse. I was very nieve back then...just a weak little shadow of a person...survivning my very father and his abuse...now my husband. I tried running away, pleaded for a divorce...but was punished severely! ever see the movie "SLEEPING WITH THE ENEMY" Julia Roberts...well that as our marriage but 40 times worse....he had me under his total control. People asked why did you not leave? well when someone has deep control over you with violence, you can't. your so damn scared it paralyzes you totally. And the kind of family I had, you could not go far anyways.
Finally I had enough....told my Uncle to get me out of here, or I wasgoing to lose it, and he knew what i was talking about. I was to the point where I did not care any more....it ws all beaten out of me anyways......after more time, my uncle did get me out, but it was a chore, hiding, moving, name change...all of it...but i am now free!!
SassyBabe39 SassyBabe39 41-45, F 3 Responses Dec 9, 2010

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Yes I am glad I am free of that night mare so long ag, funny when I used to see him, what a coward he actually was, so not scared of him now, and he knows it, and cowers away far from me.......

growing up in the abusive past I have, from father and brothers abusing me, to my ex-husband abusing me, I have taken a mild dislike to men, some, (do not need the guys commenting on this thanks!!!!) few are the same, liars, chaters....hell I have married another one....started out the nicest guy ever, we were the same, got along great, blah, blah, blah........did nt want to do certain things any more he was into, then the marriage falls to hell, cheating on me, but I am supposed to be stupid and not know, tells me he has sexual dreams about other women, but that is supposed to be okay, he emotionally disconnected, we have no intimacy, but he sure does with others....men are ********!!!!!!!!!! and they wonder why they get the crap from women!!!

totally agree... they change after marriage.. I'm pregnant and my husband is being very unsupportive saying that the migraines and nausea are all in my head and that he is bored all the time...instead of coming home he visits his friends every day and lies to me that he is at a meeting... i got witnesses, proves and i find his stories inconsistent, I told him: "if you're gonna lie, write it all down cuz there are a lot of details in your stories you need to remember"

hey! thanks for sharing, I know what you mean having controlling parents and being paralyzed cuz of the guy. Been there too and I think he was the devil itself.

I can sympathize. I was raised in an abusive household [my abusive, idiot "father figure" of an uncle decided it would be 'funny' to teach me and my twin brother how to box, and have us 'fight' while he watched....]

Eventually I married, and, yes, I regret eternally the day [God forgive me!] when I raised my hand to my own wife.... I realized that I was a) channeling the pent-up rage from my childhood, but more importantly: b) ...I was/am responsibleanswerable for my own actions [as an "adult"].

I grieve for my actions, and thank my wife for the patienceunderstanding/gift of forebearance [I shoved her into a wall, causing 'minor' bruising, but nonetheless...].

I realized, at that point, if I felt we were truly incompatible, I should 'simply' have the courage to... leave. Child support: bedamned.

We are still together, after 10 more years 26 total]. Am I occasionally frustrated by her lack of initiative/ambition/etc? YES. Is the answer violenceE: NO!!!!

I hope you don't mind me sharing my story. It's more of a plea for you to feel sorry for your 'ex'- I know I do... I hope someday Ihe realizes his mistake. I AM happy for you, in your new life :)

no thyank you very much for sharing your story girl, glad to meet others who have been through similar things and situations, how we learn from one another