It took me 30 years to heal enough to tell anyone about my first marriage.

I had the best boyfriend. He adored me. I was studying interior design, he was trying to decide between college and work. The sex, oh the sex was incredible! The things we did and the places we did them! He was so handsome with an amazing body. We made a striking couple.

But, we got married. He changed. He made me quit school. I realized that he had a drinking problem. He came home with a 12 pack of beer every night and drank all of it. He never lifted a hand to help with housework even though I worked longer hours as an executive secretary.

Between the acts of violence against me, there were weeks of uneasy peace. I never knew what would set him off.

He put restrictions on clothing I wore. He almost smothered me with a pillow for wearing a sundress to work.

If he didn't like what I cooked for dinner, he would throw the plate of food against the wall. If I questioned him about something at the wrong time, he would grab me by the hair and pound the back of my head with his fist.

He hated my friends. I wasn't allowed to go out with them. He constantly accused me of having sex with every man I knew. Then he'd tell me I was a stupid dog and that no one would ever love me the way he did. (Thank goodness.)

Several times for some unknown reason, he picked me up out of bed and threw me outside in my pajamas and locked me out in the icy cold. If I stood quietly, he would let me back in.

Once, I spent too much money on groceries and he threw the canned goods at me screaming that I was a stupid wasteful *****.

I tried to leave but he locked me in the closet all night. Then I got pregnant. It derailed my escape plan for another year.

Once, during the pregnancy I was running from him and he caught me by the arm and threw me against the wall, then grabbed me by the hair and pounded the back of my head. I have no idea why. I never ran again.

I finally escaped with my son after four years of terror. I started therapy for battered women at the women's shelter and continued with therapy for two years.

I started exercising, I lost weight. My skin cleared up. I got a good haircut. I invested in practical but faltering office clothing. I started taking classes at night. And learned that I was smart and pretty and deserved to be treated gently and with respect.

My current husband and I have been married for 26 years. We have serious intimacy issues, but he has never done or said anything to intentionally harm me.
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3 Responses Aug 29, 2014

I am so sorry you and your son experienced that. I admire your strength to get away.

I am so sorry this happen to you. My God. I am not one to give my prayers easily I just want you to know you have a bunch of mine.

I'm sorry you went through that. You got out which makes you a very strong person. Your amazing!