Change The Way You Look At It......simple!
It's been a while since I write anything....I've been through enormous emotional turmoil. I guess this is what we have to go through as part of the healing process. Even dough that deep sorrow it's still there, deep inside....right there were you pushed it and still now and then u can feel it....still there. The good thing? It doesn't hurt as much....
So, I learned a new thing to help me control my mind and the hurt full places it sometimes takes me...remember, it's harder to deal with yourself than anybody else.
Simple.....now I see it and grasp it with every breath I take. I've been looking at IT all wrong. I've been asking the wrong questions.... The fact that he decides to cheat, abuse, become a drug addict has nothing to do with me or our life together. The fact that he took our 12 y.o marriage and put it in the back of his mind it wasn't because of something I did or not do.
Easy...it is not right to say or question why we weren't enough for him to fight , be strong and be here for us...the reality; He wasn't enough for us to stay and keep him around. We are better and we do deserve much more than that. So, when my mind tries to play games on me, all I have to do is remember how much we really are and how much we loved him...he was lucky and he lost.
Yes...still, it hurts and I don't think it will completely heal, but it will get better. Thank you God for the strength you have given me and all I ask for is guidance for me to keep walking the walk and guide my boys into a better much brighter future...like they deserve.