Forgive...don't Ever Forget..

It's been a while from the last time I was here. I was at a different place back then...mentaly,physicaly,but most of all emotionaly. Don't know how to describe it or if you could ever understand...when I first discovered this place I really didnt know what exactly I was looking for. My good friend Patt always said I should write my feelings and memories,so that when I was feeling down or dreppressed I could revert back to that place. So even dough I am a firm believer that we need to forgive in order for us to be able to move on,something she said made sence...forgive,but never,ever allow yourself to forget. At the time she said it,it really didnt make much sence(after all..we really look foward to not remembering a thing,cause it hurt so much). But now I see what she meant by it...if you allow yourself to forget the experiencess that had led you to become who you are and dont remember what it felt like to be where you once where,you may find yourself back at that same spot all over again. So,I started looking..looking for places to write. Angwhere from notebooks to daily blogs and thats when I came across this place. After all,I really dont care for a bunch of fans or who read it,but if I could help guide or inspire others sharing my experiencess and heal myself along the way...thats what I call a "double wammy". That is how all this started,now, 4 months after my last entry I still dont dare read any of it...I've had a peak at some and so far,thats all I need. I still hurt and I've accepted the fact that it's OK and that it may take longer for it to go away. But I've also learned to accept my decissions as the best at the time and that although it was the end of my dream life with whom I thought I would die with...it's not the end of my life. Now I look back at those days...those very dark days and now I understand why people that arent strong enough to survive it,either die or numb themselves to not feel. Cause when you're there all you really want is to escape it.I survived and now I am ok.....