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Long Time Bully

I spent about two years of my life in High School being a bully. I had two main targets who were social outcasts to begin with and this just distanced them from the rest of their year more, i am sure. One was a full Goth, the other a partial Emo. I encouraged both that they should start to work on their appearances. I constantly remarked on how fat, pale and gross the Goth girl was. I said she looked like a big blubbery maggot and she'd never get a man. I told her that her parents should start buying her real clothes instead of stealing from funeral home corpses. Every phys ed class i commented on her wobbling legs and arms. I even spat on her hair when she walked by in the halls.

As for the Emo girl, i told her she looked like a spotty boy with ugly *** braces. I said she had no chin and that she looked mildly retarded. I asked if she was working on developing an eating disorder or wanted to start self-harming. I encouraged her to buy a fashion sense or just kill herself and save her the life of failure she was bound to have. I even got her in the corridors after classes and me and some friends dragged her into the bathrooms and flushed her art project (she'd been working on for months) down the toilet.

Basically, for nearly two years i made their lives a misery. Then i left school early and went to get a job. I do still see them sometimes unfortunately. Any questions or comments are welcome.
CourtneyJester CourtneyJester 18-21, F 40 Responses Nov 21, 2011

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I was bullied by one kid when I was in Catholic grade school (6th grade) primarily because my dad was a police officer. We had to take a bus from our school to a public school where we would assemble in their gym and wait for another bus to take us home. One day I simply had it with the kid and his verbal and physical torment so I picked him up and body slammed him on the gym floor in front of about 250-300 people including the principle whoever was monitoring the bus pickup. While he was laying in a heap on the floor and wailing, I immediately felt like I was the bully and not the other way around. I felt horrible for retaliating even though I was justified. I didn't get in much trouble since many people had been witness to his treatment of me leading up to this event. I never had a problem with the kid after that and developed a reputation as someone not to cross and often defended other kids who were victims of bullying. The kid transferred into the public school at the end of the school year and I never saw him again until about 11 years later while I was working at a county prison for a year while applying for other work. He was locked up and already had a significant RAP sheet. He was much larger than me physically and loaded up with jailhouse tattoos. He never mentioned our incident but from the beginning it was clear I had his respect and he was always a model prisoner when I was working. I never actually considered that event as the defining formative moment in my life but after 22 years in public service of others I have to give some credit to my decision at that time to react. I think my feelings about it at the time gave me the perspective that has served me well in recognizing the difference between prosecution and persecution.

u suck I hate people like u u bulliedthem because of there social class I bet they got better jobs and a better life than you I hope u end up no where in life im usually a really nice person but bullies are fawking dumb as hell

If given the opportunity, do you think you would have enjoyed being able to physically bully a weaker boy?. What sort of things do you think you would have done to him?.

Don't let all the hate you get on here bother you. It might be true that most bullies are actually just insecure about themselves and try to take control where they can so as to not feel so powerless all the time, but you don't make that impression. You're beautiful, intelligent, and certainly not a coward. You have the guts to be honest here and even respond to the most vicious comments. And you don't slavishly apologize all the time just because some expect it from you. I don't know the people you bullied, so I won't judge them, but I guess you really are a superior person. Don't let anyone tell you that the dirt beneath your feet deserves any respect. You can do with it what you want. I'm saying this as someone who has always been (and will always be) bullied and actually attempted suicide several times because of that. There is just nothing a worthless loser like me can (or has the right to) do when someone vastly superior to me wants to have some fun.That being said, I'm interested in how you would have reacted if had known every last bit of the pain you inflicted upon your victims (I'm just going to assume that you underestimated it at the time). Let's say the emo girl showed you the scars where she cut herself because of your bullying, told you about how insecure and worthless and miserable you made her feel. Told you that she considered suicide because you ruined her life. Started openly crying in front of you and begged you to stop, or at least be a little bit less cruel. What would you have thought? What would you have done? Taken pity on her? Felt powerful because you'd become the most important person in her life, to the point where she wanted to die because of you? Spit on her face and laughed at her and challenged her to go through with her suicide plans?I'm sorry if you find my comment as annoying as I do. Please don't feel obliged to respond just because it took me some time writing this. I'm one of the losers, you don't owe me anything.

I was beat up real bad by a stronger boy recently. He even made me have to say mercy at the end with a really painful hold. Would you have watched and enjoyed it and encouraged the other guy, or come to my aid or support after the fight?

Did you hold anyone down and for how long? by their arms?

Since u liked to humiliate em in front of people did u ever give em wedgies or shoot spitballs at em in class?

I loved spitballs! And wedgies are a needed classic!

Oh, cool. I figured u liked spitballs since u liked to spit in that one girls hair. Ever put gum in anyones hair? and did u do the wedgies in front of a crowd or when u had em alone?

Were u able to bully people more when u had help or were u just as good solo? And did u prefer to humiliate em in front of a crowd or just give swirlies in the restroom?

It's better in crowds, tbh. More potential for people to laugh at them was my viewpoint. But I could work alone or with my gals.

Did you ever bully boys?. Was the bullying just verbal, or did it ever get physical?.

No, not boys really. Well a few comments about skinny nerd guys but nothing too major. But yes, I attacked both girls.

Was it a rush?
Were most of the victims thinner and smaller than you?
Did you have to lie in wait for them sometimes, before you grabbed them?

Yes it was very enjoyable. They were shorter than me, but not any thinner. Just nerdy. lol
I hid sometimes round corners and other girls nodded when they were near so I could step out on them.

You people are under estimating the value of bullies. For a society to prosper a certain amount of conformity to social norms is required. The value of bullies is they train us to live in such a world. By confronting bullies in high school we learn necessary life skills on how to deal with people when they overpower us, to put things into prospective and our own self worth. It’s rewarding ten years past high school when you find out where you land on the social ladder relative to the bully.<br />
<br />
Courtney owes no apologies and need not feel remorse.

You are overestimating the value of social norms. Conformity is not a virtue. Racism, sexism, and all other forms of bigotry and intolerance were all at various points in different cultures considered social norms and were violently enforced to the detriment of the cultures that spawned them. Bullies are one of the mechanisms through they are enforced. Bullies target anyone who looks, acts, or thinks differently or who looks vulnerable, and as long as bullies exist then the Eric Harrises and Dylan Klebolds and Sueng-Hui Chos of this world owe no apologies, and need not feel remorse.

Why would Eric Harrises and Dylan Klebolds and Sueng-Hui Chos feel remorse?

Teasing can be social conformity pressure or bullying.
Depends on motivation and circumstances.

I hate everyone here bullying sucks

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Kids do stupid things sometimes. The real measure of it all is would you do it now? and how do you feel about the things that happened in the past?

I agree, kids are stupid. You raise good questions.

I can only hope these people have not grown up with mental and emotional setbacks. I spoke with a woman who said she still cannot get rid of the horrible memories that happened to her as a younger girl. We never know how our words could impact someone else until we're in their shoes. As far as being Goth is concerned, Goth is also a style and in most cases they are pretty cool-looking. I'm glad people have the courage to wear something that people consider not normal.

I wonder what insecurities of yours led you to become such an obnoxious and hateful person. Why don't you try your bullying tactics on someone who is extremely popular, loved by many, and has amazing self confidence? It would not be much fun for you, would it because by bullying people who have low self esteem, just serves your own ego, and makes you feel superior to them. Hmm...if it makes you feel superior, then that means you don't feel superior to people who would not take your bulling seriously, and would tell you to "get lost." Which means that you really feel bad about yourself, so you have to pick on someone who will not stand up to you, and make you feel good about yourself.<br />
My dear, you need work on yourself. Yes, you are obnoxious and hateful, but you are also suffering, (unless you are a sociopath...and there is no help for you). However, other than being a sociopath, or having some mental disorder, all you need is a huge dose of self esteem. Believe me, you will feel much happier, and so will the people who are the ob<x>ject of your hate, which is really your hate of yourself.

Why are you attention seeking? You've not used this story to express any remorse and you've refused to say sorry. So my guess is that you love the notoriety and getting 30 comments about your story - how many do you want to satisfy you?

What makes child bullying unique from other types of traumatic experiences is that the perpetrators are often also children.<br />
<br />
Kids bully other kids for a variety of reasons, some more obvious than others. Bullyingstatistics.org lists the primary motivations that compel bullies: 2<br />
<br />
A family environment of either neglect or physical abuse<br />
A school or institution's lack of standards around interpersonal treatment<br />
Positive reinforcement around "acting out" in the form of added attention<br />
Our culture's glorification with winning, power, and violence<br />
A history of the perpetrator him or herself having experienced rejection, failure, or bullying<br />
Usually, bullying comes about as a result of a number of the above factors existing at once. <br />
In clinical terms, to officially be considered "bullying," the behavior needs to take place repeatedly. Interestingly, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder was traditionally considered to be a disorder that arose from a single traumatic incident. However, in recent years, experts have begun to identity a second definition for PTSD that allows for the victims of repeated traumatizing incidents. Bullying falls into this category.<br />
<br />
from http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/somatic-psychology/201103/child-bullyings-consequence-adult-ptsd

You saying I got issues? lol

Yes, may be you do have issues. It's clear from this thread that you want loads of attention. Are you just claiming to be a bully to get attention?

No, but I was one. So why lie?

Were you ever bullied?

Nope.

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Are you even sorry that you did it ? Or did you find pleasure in it ?

I enjoyed it at the time.

So you never appologised to them ? Hope you dont beliave in karma :)

I didn't, no. And to be fair I had no belief in karma until recently, but now for sure.

Does that make you evil ? Im sorry dont want to be mean but you liked to see them suffer you liked being the one calling them names etc you probably cant imagine what you have put them through.

I'll be honest, I got a sense of power and satisfaction from it at that stage. But I do believe I am now paying for it.

Maybe apologizing to them would help you. Paying how ?

Send me a mail and I'll tell you.

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If you still see them sometimes, then you are being given an opportunity to apologize - I wouldn't waste it if I were you. <br />
I sincerely hope that you can come to feel some regret for what you've done - do you have any idea just how much of a living hell you can make somebody's life by that kind of bullying? You said that you bullied them just to provide you and your friends with some amusement. This seems to be a hard idea for you to understand, but lives - everybody's life, theirs and yours - are precious, they have unlimited potential for both good and bad, for great things and horrific things. What you have done has badly harmed three of those precious lives: those two, for all the misery and shame and hurt you put them through, and yours, for the callousness and sadism and indifference that you are encouraging in yourself.<br />
Bullying is not something to be proud of. It is not the pasttime of the intelligent, the kind, or the secure. It only serves to show everyone around you that you are either insecure, cruel, sadistic, or have such a desperate need to 'fit in' with the kind of people who accept bullying that you throw away all sense of common decency.<br />
I have seen other people replying to your article with understandable anger and profanity. Frankly, after seeing the way you calmly stated, after listing everything you'd done to those poor girls, that you only wished that you had got away with it, I can understand that. They probably feel as if you are the kind of person who will never feel empathy for others, and who deserves no respect.<br />
However, I am going to assume that you are not a sociopath, and that you have the ability to feel regret and shame. So let me ask you a question. There must be somebody that you care very much about in the world - a friend, a family member, a pet - even yourself, if that is the most important thing to you. Now imagine that person you care about being put through everything that you put those girls through - imagine that they are miserable and hurt and hopeless enough that they are considering the idea of committing suicide, something many victims of bullying come to think about. <br />
Do you still feel nothing? Treating people that way is wrong. If hurts them, and it hurts yourself. There is enough pain in the world already without adding to it.<br />
Think about it.

Also, what kind of an art project was it that you flushed down the toilet? A drawing? What made you think to do that?

It was a series of drawings as well as a pretty delicate sculpture from wood and cloth. It was totalled by that.

A sculpture? How did that get flushed down?

Also, did she just stand there crying while you flushed everything? Did she get an F? Did u give her a swirly afterwards?

It had to be stamped on, then pushing down in a bit with a toilet brush.

She failed, I know that. No swirlies after and she did cry like a little *****.

Damn, u must've been determined to destroy that thing. Did she ever tell on u or anything?

Oh yes, she told alright. Multiple times.

If you would've given her a swirly, that would've been like the ultimate **** you. Did she fail any other assignments because of you?

I don't recall another assignment due to me, but she sure was off a lot.

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What's the meanest thing you've ever done? Did you give wedgies, swirlies, spit in people food, etc.

Pantsed the girls, which is pulling their underwear down to show their butt. Swirlies were a fave for the geeky ones, especially with the dyed hair and stupid bows and stuff they wore sometimes. We whipped a few on their fat ***** with towels as well.

Shoved anyone in lockers?

Into lockers sure, and into showers in their clothes. lol

How long did u leave em in the lockers? Stuffed anyone in trash cans?

I guess half of a lunch period, so like 15 mins. Never done a trash can.

Damn, y'all lunches were short. Did u wanna just make sure they didn't get a chance to eat or somethin?

Did you ever take shoes off a girl?

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You never said you were sorry, so this is really just an ego trip for you, and you've never said you're sorry even though you see them on a semi-regular basis. You're still an attention-seeking bully, and yes, it is your fault that you're a contract cleaner because you dropped out of high school. You are garbage.

You're so uninformed it is just silly. Did you get bullied a lot?

Hey :( I am Rosie43217 I have a second account. I just wanted to apologize for being so mean. I guess I was just so angry about being bullied and hearing you story with you being a little proud and not sorry, I blew up. I still don't agree with what u did though. But I am sorry I exploded and I hope u can make up for being such a bully.

I was bullied most of the time, regretting going to school. I was near suicide. Now here you are saying everything calmly and in a way proudly. DON'T YOU FEEL ASHAMED!!!!!!!! >:( OMG!!!!!!!! I hope that you and every other bully on the planet goes to hell were you belong!!!!!!!!!! You bullies think your so "smart,pretty, and awesome" your nothing but a bunch of plastic ****** and b****.

Wow...

How many humanitarian awards have you won? Seriously though you just posted this to **** people off right? I get it, you just want reactions. Kind of a ***** but you are kinda hot to.

Hey, it's this place. Makes you bring up such things.

I think it as very little to do with this place and more to do with you, darling!

That's the internet for you.

oh u wouldnt have dared try that **** around me cause if i had seen u bullying those two girls ud either be crippled or 6 feet under

Ok, fair enough. lol

I was the Anti Bully in High School, I used to chew your kind up and spit you out. =)

Lol thats wrong but I cant help but laugh. Haha.

At which bit?

everyone bullies someone, and anyone that talks down on you for it is just a hypocrite. add me sexy

Presumably that says a lot about you!

Have you ever been psychologically assed. You have some trade marks of behaviour tendencay that need treatment. You obvious low self esteem which you displaced on to easy prey is something that you should be concerned with....If not that the total disregard and inabiltiy to except responsibility is narcissitic. Good luck with your life....please try not to harm other. Really hurting yourself. Many people can see through your mask.

Seems deep! lol

you made my point loud and clear.

hmmm you sound like an awful person, you don't even seem remorseful for what you did. BUT.. at least you admit to it rather than cower away from the truth like most bullies would. good on you for that. however i still don't have much respect for you... :/ but each to their own i guess

Wise words.