Not Really

o.k. so im still in high school (im a senior) im not really a bully at school but im not entirely above it im afraid. i HATE school, i am alone and have no friends. really im invisible. no one would care or even notice if i died, im an annoyance to people cuz im in the way but i really have no life or any thing interesting to say. i have never actually been a victim of bullying in HIGH SCHOOL but i witness it daily. i want to help but im on a lower social standing than the victims so if i said any thing id either be victimized myself or they'd get it worse cuz this looser is standing up for them. plus i am very shy and just cant do it no mater how bad i want to

as an invisible bystander i see both sides bullies have so many problems sometimes that it happens- very few of them are just evil and like hurting people they dont know what else to do or how to get attention from their parents. everyone has their own way of dealing with their frustrations for example i cut. some times bullying is two sided as well, like one kid eggs the other one on till they hit them back. both are in the wrong but only the one gets punished making problems worse because the kid that got away with it will do it again an the other had injustices against them so they want revenge. the schools don get this!!! EVER!!!

any way the reason im posting on this, i am very sympathetic to 'losers' but im not afraid to finish something someone else starts with me even if it involves violence and daily harassment till they are sorry (i will stop eventually) i only bullied at school one time. this little 6th grader (5th at the beginning) thinks he has the right to tell me off and talk to me when i told him very clearly to go away.he didnt so after a few weeks and several fair warnings i told him completely off; above and beyond what is necessary, i added several insults and cruel remarks that weren't necessary. this happened in breakfast since my school is k-12. he left me alone for a wile after i did this for a few days.i think he was scared of me which is good cuz i was ready to smack him for real. the breakfast monitors always sided with him when i told them so i stopped asking for help. and really he had no business as a fifth grader sitting with me and the eleventh- he really was only there to bug us.

so since the school didnt care and i was not gonna sit there and take that crap from him i would throw his stuff on the floor when he went to dump his tray. and ( this is all before i told him off) i was like literally gonna dump my milk on him if the bell hadn't rung.

senior year he stopped being scared of me so i told him off again. we still hate each other and i still return his dirty looks in the halls but i dont see him any more at my old table so there hasnt been a problem. im not the meanest bully but i think if he hadnt backed down i would have done something bad im just scared im not above it thats all. i really hate bullying but if someone starts somthin im finishing it.

this isnt the only time but the only one in school, i am mean to one of my little sisters and one of my little brothers because they are evil and get away with everything and my parents love them more than me, but i would leave them alone if they left me alone.... they dont ever so they kinda have it coming i also bullied a couple other kids that were being mean to my sisters and brother (i have 5 siblings 3=awesome, 2=evil im the oldest) and so every time i saw them i said some mean degrading remark until they stopped

i dont like making people feel bad and i hate bullies but I AM VERY GOOD AT IT so....idk dont start with me or i will finish it. other wise im generally a nice person and if u were my friend i would defend you.

btw im not big or strong or judgmental but dont underestimate what i could do. and the kid i hate from school his name is Justin and he has been suspended for bring a knife to school and trying to kill some kid in his class but hes back and our war continues from a distance though his dad has a gun and he told me he will bring it to school and kill me one day-i sorta believe him but if he is bluffing im not gonna take his crap and i have to assume he is. he is just a really bad kid and there is somthing werong with him. he was also way too interested in s3x and informed about all the dirty details of it kids shouldnt know way too young so i bet he has bad parents. hes in trouble all the time so the school could have called them in and gotten cps involved if there is a seriously a problem, however. in case your wondering thats why i bullied him cuz he said s3x comments that he had not right to to me+ he was annoying and would not go away.

i do know what its like to be the victim, i was never bullied in school but during the summer i was s3xualy harassed by this guy since i was 10 (we are both 18 now) when i finally got up the courage to tell him no he didnt care so i had to get my parents involved so this was when i was 12or 13 then the next two years he bullied me. the year after that he started both bullying me one minute then sexualy harassing me the next. i only saw him in the summer but it was like every day all summer year after year. he got a hold of my number and called and tortured me all the time, by the time i got my parents involved for months after that i felt sick to my stomach every the time the phone rang i thought it was Joey even when i knew it wasn't. and i avoided guys all of them for years, cuz i was scared, it almost turned me lesbo which dosnt sit well w/ me since im religious ( though i DO NOT judge homosexuals) and i still kinda question but i know i was ment to be strait, i want a bf but i still get those scared feeling around guys and this is the first time iv ever said i questioned. when i was 15+16 in the summer i didnt see him cuz he was in jail. when i was 17 he started harassing me online but for the first time since i met him i buoght it cuz he still loved me after all these years but then i came to my senses and realized he wanted me to be his b!tch and booty call. i dumped him again. 3 days later he was dating my one and only friend, he took her virginity, he got her pregnant hit her in the tummy and she miscarried. he broke her heart and our friendship cuz i said dont date him and she said dont tell me what to do. he did all this to make me jealous or so he tells me. he dropped out and deals drugs now and still harasses me online. he still wants me to move in with him. i dont wanna but i have crap at home and if i run away i will have no place to go. Kassie has a new bf who she loves and is good to her, but if he ever did any thing to her again (and he still wont leave her alone either) i will do more than bully him, i dont know if that counts as bullying but he asked for it and i consider myself lucky to still be a virgin.
i used to be subordinate but i learned to fight and he will not treat me like he did when we were kids again and get away with it. i hope i dont see him this summer...for his sake

wow that was long,
plz if you comment be honest but dont hate

SessyKinz SessyKinz
18-21, F
May 11, 2012