Single Mothers

When i was 22 i became pregnant to a complete d**khead.  He was a couple of years older than me and he said the usual stuff, like he loved me, he wanted to get married and have kids.  I thought i was quite mature for my age but looking back i still had alot of growing up to do.  He started working away in holland and i was living with a friend in my home town, which is in lincolnshire, england.  After he was there a month i was supposed to go over there to meet him and try and find a job but within that month i found out i was pregnant.  I then really did not want to go and live in another country where i knew no one and was away from my friends and family when i was about to have my first baby. 

So we decided that it would be best if he carried on working in holland and went back to live at my mothers and we tried to save as much money as we could. 

My the end of the pregnacy it was clear he was not interested.  He came back to work over hear when i was about 8months gone and didn't even contact me.  I left i message with his parents when i had a little boy but it took him 2 months to contact me.  He saw my baby for a few months but when he was 9 months he just got bored and i ant heard from him since.  That was about 5 years ago.  He never contributed and i brought him up all by myself for them first few years.  I am now with some one else and he is the best farther my sons could wish for.

I do think about what i'm going to tell my little boy when he's older and starts asking about his birth farther.  What am i supposed to say?  That is just couldn't be arsed to keep in contact with you? 

madlass madlass
26-30, F
2 Responses Jun 4, 2007

Maybe tell him, when it is age appropriate, that their are two kinds of dads, one's that help make the baby and than others who fall in love so much with the baby that he will do ANYTHING he can to be his dad. Don't ever say how pathetic his biological father was and is, because in the end, it usually comes back to bite you. Let him know that both his dad's love him, just in different ways and than sadly as time goes by, not only will he figure things out himself but as he gets a bit older like 45 ;) maybe just say that his biological father didn't think he could do as good a job as his real dad, the one that was there for him through all the ups and downs. Luckily and sadly, he will also learn from his friends that he is not the only one whose biological father is not around, but that his DAD IS. Lord i hope that doesn't sound stupid.

Nooo, I wouldn't say anything that implied anything about your child. Don't help him believe there was a person who didn't love him or who chose not to have him in his life. I'd just tell him he had an original dad who's not around and while you may wish he were, it's his (the dad's decision). Your little boy will figure things out. In the meantime, I wouldn't say anything that he could interpret as he was unlovable. Good for you on finding a decent man.