Possibly The Reason For My Social Issues.

Anyone who knows me now would say I don't speak much. They are correct, but I haven't always been like this.
I've always been quiet, but it used to be only in volume. I used to talk to people all the time. People I knew well, people I hardly knew. I wasn't terrified to approach someone I'd never met before.

That all changed while I was in middle school. I had a great group of friends, but middle school seems to make everyone incredibly shallow. 
And I was a late bloomer.

When I was 13, I looked like a tall 8 year old (so I heard), which isn't the most common thing.
The ones I called my friends decided they didn't want to be my friend anymore because I wasn't developing physically like they were. I was "a freak" because of it.

They didn't just stop at not talking to me. That would have been boring. They had to constantly taunt me over and over again. After I realized they didn't like me anymore, I just wanted to stay away from them and find other people to talk to. They didn't want that for me so they started spreading rumors. Rumors that didn't really make much sense, considering the reason they didn't like me. They would tell everyone that they caught me doing "naughty" things in class.  At that age, what they considered to be "naughty" is just hilarious... 

I couldn't talk to anyone. Everyone was laughing at me, pointing at me, whispering behind my back, or was just too grossed out to stand anywhere near me. It was horrible. I spent the remaining months of the school year hiding from everyone, just so I wouldn't see or hear it. I was always known for my love of school and this was the first time ever that I hated it. 

There was one day that I noticed there was a group of people following me around everywhere I went. I later heard that those girls I considered to be my friends were planning on cornering me and beating me up, to get back at me for always physically abusing them over the years. I was shocked. I've never hit anyone. And I don't see how anyone could have possibly believed that (was was like an 8 year old, remember?) I was just a skinny little girl. This idea scared me, so I'd spend my mornings and lunch breaks roaming the school hallways. Students weren't allowed to do this, but I've always been well likes by the faculty and staff, and they knew I was going through something, so they allowed it, since they couldn't really do anything else for me. And nobody was going to attack me in a teacher filled hallway. This also bothered them. I got special treatment because of them.

Eventually, over the years, everyone grew up, but I never got completely over my need to avoid people or thinking that every time I heard people whispering or laughing, it was about me. I've very slowly gotten better about it, but I hate the fact that something so stupid that I had no control over has effected me so much.
itsjustme1001 itsjustme1001
22-25, F
3 Responses Jun 13, 2010

my grandad used to have a saying never judge a person by the colour of their skin or the way they look, judge a person by the way they treat others especialy those less fortunate.<br />
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that has stayed with me all my life and when i was in high school some of the things i saw made me so angry i had to speak out or as was usualy the case stick up and fight. <br />
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i know violence is not the answer but sometimes it is the only thing that can stop friends or yourself from being victimised and bullied. <br />
the third day i was at school i stepped in for a kid i did not know who was being picked on for being different. and i made the guys who were picking on him pay. they started throwing the fist but they did not know how to do it properly. so i finished it for them. <br />
i made a few bad enemies that day but more importantly i made one good friend.<br />
and that was not a solitary incident.<br />
pretty soon i had made a lot of good friends who believed in the saying my grandad had taught me.<br />
people who wanted to be just an honourable <br />
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i had been taught boxing from a very young age my dad and grandad had been boxers and growing up in a large family had given me the tools to deal with bullies of any size.<br />
and once it was known that bullies would not be tolerated it became a good school to be at for pretty much everyone there was the occasional occurance but by the time my year got to be the oldest.<br />
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i was proud to be a part of a school where people could be different and not have to worry about being picked on by fools who thought it was tough. <br />
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i must admit i was pretty proud of most of the kids in my year at school they were all pretty decent. and by the time we were the oldest kids in school it became a place were most of the kids did not accept people being persecuted picked on or bullied. <br />
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you guys are right something needs to be done and in australia there are programs in place at most schools now that have been implemented because some kids were bullied that bad that they acctualy commited suicide. you will never stamp it out entirely.<br />
because some people not just kids feel better about themselves when they are putting some one else down. now that says a lot about there self esteem.<br />
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for bad men to prosper it only takes good men to do nothing not sure who wrote that but it is surely true.<br />
i truely hope you find what ever it takes to trust and join in with people again because if those people have taken that away from you then they should be ashamed of themselves. <br />
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lolo good on you for seeking help we all need help sometimes.<br />
i think that is why i like EP you can be yourself without having to worry about anything or anyone

I can really relate to the whispering and laughing continuing to make you uneasy. Junior high was a nightmare for me too. I was bullied and unlike you I went outside at lunch and that was not the safe place to be. I am older now and it still bothers me. This kind of crap really hurts, its the worst kind of social group dynamic ever and I really hate that schools don't do more to stop it. What happened was real and totally unfair. If you need conselling, then so be it. Get those a-hole's voices out of your head, that's what I'm doing now!!

life can be unbearably brutal for some people. Then you have some people who go through their lives with everything given to them and tons of friends and love. Life is not fair. You have to learn POSITIVE ways to cope with it. It can seem almost impossible to cope sometimes, though.