Possibly The Reason For My Social Issues.Anyone who knows me now would say I don't speak much. They are correct, but I haven't always been like this.
I've always been quiet, but it used to be only in volume. I used to talk to people all the time. People I knew well, people I hardly knew. I wasn't terrified to approach someone I'd never met before.
That all changed while I was in middle school. I had a great group of friends, but middle school seems to make everyone incredibly shallow.
And I was a late bloomer.
When I was 13, I looked like a tall 8 year old (so I heard), which isn't the most common thing.
The ones I called my friends decided they didn't want to be my friend anymore because I wasn't developing physically like they were. I was "a freak" because of it.
They didn't just stop at not talking to me. That would have been boring. They had to constantly taunt me over and over again. After I realized they didn't like me anymore, I just wanted to stay away from them and find other people to talk to. They didn't want that for me so they started spreading rumors. Rumors that didn't really make much sense, considering the reason they didn't like me. They would tell everyone that they caught me doing "naughty" things in class. At that age, what they considered to be "naughty" is just hilarious...
I couldn't talk to anyone. Everyone was laughing at me, pointing at me, whispering behind my back, or was just too grossed out to stand anywhere near me. It was horrible. I spent the remaining months of the school year hiding from everyone, just so I wouldn't see or hear it. I was always known for my love of school and this was the first time ever that I hated it.
There was one day that I noticed there was a group of people following me around everywhere I went. I later heard that those girls I considered to be my friends were planning on cornering me and beating me up, to get back at me for always physically abusing them over the years. I was shocked. I've never hit anyone. And I don't see how anyone could have possibly believed that (was was like an 8 year old, remember?) I was just a skinny little girl. This idea scared me, so I'd spend my mornings and lunch breaks roaming the school hallways. Students weren't allowed to do this, but I've always been well likes by the faculty and staff, and they knew I was going through something, so they allowed it, since they couldn't really do anything else for me. And nobody was going to attack me in a teacher filled hallway. This also bothered them. I got special treatment because of them.
Eventually, over the years, everyone grew up, but I never got completely over my need to avoid people or thinking that every time I heard people whispering or laughing, it was about me. I've very slowly gotten better about it, but I hate the fact that something so stupid that I had no control over has effected me so much.
itsjustme1001 22-25, F 3 Responses 1 Jun 13, 2010