So Young And So Hurt

I'm only 13 years old for gods sake! I'm wise enough to know that I am too young to think the way I do. I think about life and death, the meaning of the world, I question the views of the government, I have already found my own path of spirituality, and I think about commuting suicide. I admit I'm not the only one that thinks this way but it is an awfully young age to have such thoughts. I haven't even mentioned the experiences yet.... I watched my father love my mom dearly but yet loose his temper and hit her, he'd leave and she would hit me. It was a normal thing to happen every month....then every other week......then every week ......then everyday.....my father then walked out for good. I see him on the weekends but my father is still only a stranger to me. My mom continued to beat me and it gets worse every time. At the age of 7 I had the biggest gasg in my back the size of a small head from when she beat me with what I think was a hairbrush..... That was only age 7. I've been suffocated before, scratched, scared, tormented, punched, kicked, slapped, etc. see in these stories what usually happens is that they only say what their parent did, but never what they did to make their parent react in this manor. Me I don't see that I do anything wrong, I'm an A B average student, Im in theater and chorus, I dont do drugs, I don't drink, I think before I speak, I take care of my siblings while she sleeps all day. I don't see what I did to her that was so bad, in this house I can get in trouble for as little as accidentially bumping into her in the hallway. Seems rediculous right? It is. But that's because the real reason I'm abused is due to the fact That he made the mistake of having me at such a young age. I was born when her and my father baraly knew eachother, soon after she started doing drugs, drinking, and dropping out of colledge. She then tried working things out with my dad and they had another kid, so my grandparents forced them into marriage witch caused all the said fights. So therefore in her eyes I'm the reason her life is ruined. I've put up with the emotional and physical abuse all my life! I tried making things better but it always gets back to the same old things. I've been thinking of running away for a long time now. I considered all the other possibilities first ofcourse, I can't live with my dad- he's a drunk, he has a bad temper and works to much, staying with my mom will lead to her literally abusing me to death, and I have no other relatives to live with. I really want to run away , not only because of the abuse I go through but its also my desire to see the world. If I run away I want to try to make it cross country to California, my favorite place in the world, my serenity. The problem isnt nessicarily me getting killed or starving or not making it because I'd rather die trying to get away than to stay here dying while doing nothing, I strive for adventure. The real problem is I don't want to leave my boyfriend. He's not just my boyfriend he's my future husband, my soulmate, my true love, my sweetheart, my baby, my honey! You may think its young puppy love but I don't care because all that matters is that I know it's real love and so does he! But anyways I asked him to run away with me and he undirectly said no. He dosent want to leave his family. I respect him for that, he has a good thing going there. I don't want to be selfish but sometimes I start to think he dosent love me like I love him because he won't go with me. Now I'm stuck here in this hell. I'm stuck here by my true love...isn't it a little ironic...happiness keeps me in hell.
Music1713 Music1713
13-15, F
1 Response May 15, 2012

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