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Nov 22nd, 2008
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I
've always had Social Anxiety.... but as a teen, my household was so horrible, living with a raving drug addicted and abusive father. I would just get so fed up with everything and "run away" from home.
Because of my disorder, I never went too far. Just a few neighborhoods away, across the street from my old elementary school. There is a huge playground there. I would hide there and try to blend in with the other children there. And by night, everyone would go home and I would hide under the jungle gym. I never made it a full night there. Just half the night, alone, cold, and afraid. I had to look out for drug dealers and men looking for prostitutes my age. And then I always came back home... feeling hopeless.
I use to stand for a few minutes, outside of the house of my friend (at that time) and wonder about how happy she was, with her family. Safe and warm inside, sleeping the night away, not a worry about her father breaking things and threatening to kill her mother. I often wish to be her instead. And then I would give a heavy sigh and head home, sometimes crying.
It was never a good idea to run away, though. I could have gotten hurt or killed. The sad thing of it was, I was just a lost girl who needed help. I wish there was an adult that could have helped me then. But, the good news is, I turned out okay in the end. :-)
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  | Posted Dec 8th, 2008 at 4:54PM *hugs* I'm glad you made it through. +2 nods   |
 Feeling silly | Posted Dec 8th, 2008 at 5:01PM Thanks, EPGrace. :-) It was a tough childhood, but it made me a more caring adult. :-D +2 nods |
 Feeling determined | Posted Dec 14th, 2008 at 4:43PM Its amazing when you see what you've become, touched by your story... |
Feeling silly | Posted Dec 14th, 2008 at 9:45PM Thank you, jerkina! :-) |
Feeling silly | Posted Jan 12th, 2009 at 8:54AM Thank you for your kind comments, NovemberTears! Hugs!:-) |
 Feeling loved | Posted Jan 14th, 2009 at 5:13PM im sorry! this must have been aweful! |
Feeling silly | Posted Jan 14th, 2009 at 5:20PM It was, but I got through it and past it. :-) Like the saying goes, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. And I did become stronger, as a person. :-D Hugs, flourlady! :-) |
Feeling silly | Posted Jan 15th, 2009 at 10:42AM Ah, no kgangelwings! I haven't became a mother yet! I'd like to be married first, before having children. I'm old fashsioned. :-) But, yeah... I do worry about making the same mistakes my mother did, with my own children someday. But I am told, if you worry about it, most likely you won't repeat the mistakes. I hope that is true! Thanks for reading! :-) +3 nods |
Feeling silly | Posted Jan 15th, 2009 at 11:27AM Ah, I am currently in therapy. No worries. :-) I have worked through it all, with an professional. And also spiritually too. So, I am set. :-D I know I may make some mistakes as a parent, but I know for sure that they won't be the same ones as my mother. Because I am aware of them. :-) |
 | Posted Jan 15th, 2009 at 11:41AM Breaking those chains ! Good for you ! I am proud of you. |
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