In My Own Sad Way
Posted November 22nd, 2008 at 1:28PM
I've always had Social Anxiety.... but as a teen, my household was so horrible, living with a raving drug addicted and abusive father. I would just get so fed up with everything and "run away" from home.
Because of my disorder, I never went too far. Just a few neighborhoods away, across the street from my old elementary school. There is a huge playground there. I would hide there and try to blend in with the other children there. And by night, everyone would go home and I would hide under the jungle gym. I never made it a full night there. Just half the night, alone, cold, and afraid. I had to look out for drug dealers and men looking for prostitutes my age. And then I always came back home... feeling hopeless.
I use to stand for a few minutes, outside of the house of my friend (at that time) and wonder about how happy she was, with her family. Safe and warm inside, sleeping the night away, not a worry about her father breaking things and threatening to kill her mother. I often wish to be her instead. And then I would give a heavy sigh and head home, sometimes crying.
It was never a good idea to run away, though. I could have gotten hurt or killed. The sad thing of it was, I was just a lost girl who needed help. I wish there was an adult that could have helped me then. But, the good news is, I turned out okay in the end. :-)
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*hugs*
I'm glad you made it through. -
Its amazing when you see what you've become, touched by your story...
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im sorry! this must have been aweful!
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I wish I'd known you then, I would of been such a good friend to you.....you could of told me anything and I wouldn't say anything to anyone if you didn't want to. I wish I'd known you then (oops, I said it again) LOL....I'm glad your okay and I hope you still don't hurt as much as you did then.
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Your ok.
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I wish things would be better with you..but know what, I believe God makes u go through hardships only when he knows you can get through. I am sure God loves you more than others, and thats precisely the reason he made you a stronger and a better person.......keep smiling always..
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My home was very similar to yours my mom is an alcholic and drug user and my dad was a work alcholic and emotional and phyiscal abuser.... I beared through it and I moved out when I turned 18, and I have been very succesful young adult and highly motivated, and all around an optimistic person. I wished I didn't have to go through that much but It enlightened me to search for a better life and I figured out what I wanted in a spouse or potential spouse/boyfriend.
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im glad you turned out ok the sad thing about your story really though is that it is not unique, and i hope your really ok xx
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With that, you are stronger. I am very happy for you that you turned out okay. :)
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In short, you were and orphan with a family. I kind of had a similar life growing up, but emotioanally abandoned and really no where to run. I just hoped it would get better.
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You can always call Childline; And no I'm not advertising!
Hang on in there ;) -
I know this may sound strange, but It is times like this that I am proud to be bisexual and not like a mean hedro man. When I was growing up as an orphan I met some really nice hedro guys who helped me out along the way. I never forget how nice they were to me when I needed them the most.
from lil sisypwimp -
i am exactly the same way except my dads a alcoholic and a addict he screams at me that hes gonna kill me because i didn't pick something up off the floor once
and my mom is popping pills all the time so she doesn't have emotions for anyone
hes not even my dad either he thinks he has the authority to hit me and scream at me even though hes only been around like 2 years. -
I know how you felt then and how you feel now. You I to have the same kind of childhood. I left home when I was 14 and never looked back. Never wanted to. I am now 56 years old. I still have a real problem when I see some one abuse a child.
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Our life is the way it is, because we can use our experiences to help others that are in the middle of going through the same or similar experience.
GOD gives us strength when we need it the most, even though we do not know that's what is happening.
I'm sorry you went through that, but as you say, you are stronger for it, and hopefully what you learned has helped you discern what you want in a boyfriend/husband.
Take care and GOD Bless.
Sarah -
I had that same feeling as i was hitchhiking around at 14 or so, i wished for a kind adult to stop and help me instead of *** holes just taking advantage of me. I want to be that kind adult for someone day.
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thank you for sharing your story. I ran away too and got into a lot of trouble because no one ever told me or taught me how to defend myself against the bad people in the world. I thought the people I lived with must be the worst and if I could just get away from them, everything would be alright. But it wasn't. The thing is, I was judged by everyone but not one of them, not even the judge in court, ever asked me why I did the things I did or how I had got to be where I was. They only saw the wild stupid way that I behaved and punished me for it in ways that I will never ever be able to recover from completely, survivor though I am. I look back at the world and the way it was for me back then and think that it was a very insensitive place. And nothing's changed, I'm afraid. I am still running and I am so very tired, I feel so very wounded by it all ...... I am still longing for someone to understand me
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I meant to end off that comment by observing that running doesn't seem to help matters and I also wanted to say to the person who gave the comment about God and how he doesn't deal out more than a person can bear and blah, blah, blah......., I don't know how people like you can sleep at night.
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Glad you made it through your storm!!!
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Glad you made it through your storm!!!
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Awww, I'm sorry. I'm glad you stayed strong and made it through.
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I'm glad that you are okay now. You mentioned several things that are hard to handle- as a little girl and as an adult.You did the best you could when you were a little girl.Anyone would have wanted to run from those situations. I myself know.:)I hope you can find true healing from all of this!Maybe you have though.
~Charityjh
www.charityjh.wordpress.com -
That must of been so hard! But glad you made it through :) x
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song that reminds me of this story "disappear" by Christina Li
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gd luck
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A true survivor.
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im 11 years old and my life is hell first off im sitting here and my kitchen has nothing wat so ever in it me and my family r about to get kicked out our house its deppressing im 11 i just turned 11 i haven't been 11 for a month i have 3 brothers and 1 sister but one of my brothers is in college i have learned its hard to take care of 5 kids my moms on drugs i've snuck and seen with some she's emotionly abusive to she tells us she doesn't want us and her life would be better without us my dad she takes any money we have so we have to hide it i rarely get to see my dad i cry alot i think im gonna runaway like my mom says it would be better i have tried twice but never could i was young though im ready
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It's easy to say how you understand when you have never been there. I have been there. I left home home when I was 14 and never looked back. Kids at school used to tell me how lucky I was not to have any one to tell me what and when to do things. I finily got tired of it one day and told one of the better off kids just how lucky he was and that I would trade places with him any day.
I am 58 now. I am taking care of two childern so that they don't have to go through what I did. I don't think any child should have to live the life that I did. These two would be in foster care if it was not for me.
I can't tell you what to do. Things were not like they are now. -
Well, my dad use to be an extreme alcoholic. I made it through though, even after my parents divorced. I am only 14 now, and I am moving in with my mom, because I know she won't put me through the hell I live in now. I'm glad you made it!
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Aw. I hope to allievate the burns of kids like that one day. I had a very privileged childhood, thanks to my fantastic hardworking parents, but you story has reminded me of the majority out there who have had a much tougher time and yet achieved more than I have. Some people who grow up in unstable environments may think that stability is a blessing, but those who have it may see it as a curse. The curse of affluency is never know what hard work feels like, so when it comes to to support yourself, you don't know if what you're doing is right. There's no direction. But someone who experience real life while growing up is more prepared for what is to come beyond age 18. So hey, everybody count your blessings, we all end up okay in the end :)
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