It Can Be Done

I hate to be one of those people who looks at their disfunctional family to explain their mistakes but it would be only telling part of the story if I didn't start at the beginning which entails quite a bit of disfunction. I grew up with alcoholic parents, alcohol led to domestic violence my parents against each other and my mother against us children, my parents were part of a very strict controlling religion, divorce was inevitable and their guilt plus their disease led to me bouncing back and forth between their homes as I used them against each other and found my freedom from them and the church they were no longer a part of.

The good news is that I never did drugs or commited any crimes. Well except for underage drinking. I did do plenty of that but since my parents knowingly supplied most of my alcohol was it really a crime? I did start having sex at a very young age (15) and the only surprise is that I didn't end up pregnant until I was 17.

My daughter was born one month before my 18th birthday and she was six months old when her father and I were married. He was a great guy, he put himself through college and worked while I cared for our daughter. I did drop out of high school and took my GED, I don't really regret doing that, I was ready to be a mom and I am fortunate that my circumstances allowed me to do that.

From the time that my daughter was born I gave everything I had to be the best possible mom. No more crazy drinking, no parties, the downside was that I really didn't have any friends. My friends couldn't relate to me and I couldn't relate to them. My life was my husband and my baby. When I was 20 we had our 2nd daughter and although we both did our best to make our marriage work I had way too much baggage from my childhood for a 20yr old guy to deal with. I felt isolated due to not working, I feared that I wouldn't be able to support my kids if my husband ever left me, I regreted not having an education, I felt smothered. I loved my kids but wasn't sure about my marriage, looking back I realize that I left him before he could leave us.

That is the problem with getting married at such a young age, you have no life experience to make a marriage work, how can you relate to another person when you never had time to discover who you are yourself?

So I wasn't a teenager, but a very young 20yr old when I found myself a single mother. Although my girls dad, was a good dad, he had a hard time dealing with our divorce and moved away from where we lived to be closer to his family. I was on my own and it was sink or swim time.

Things weren't always easy for my girls, I made lots of mistakes but they were always loved and cared for. Life brought us many changes and hardships but we have only grown closer and stronger because of it.

My oldest is now 4 months away from graduating from college and has been accepted to several law schools. When I read her application letter I cried buckets of tears as she described growing up with a teenage mom and how I inspired her to do all that she has accomplished. She says that I am her hero but I know that she is mine. My second daughter is now in her first year of college and I couldn't be more proud, not only of what they have accomplished but of what I have accomplished. I don't look back on my struggles as a cross to bear, instead I see them as stepping stones that made me the best mom that I could be.

Being a teenage mom is hard but it can be done and it doesn't have to be anything like you see on MTV!
coffeemom73 coffeemom73
36-40, F
Jan 18, 2013