Always Fighting In School

I started getting into fights a lot after I was about nine years old. Between the ages of about nine and eleven I even got into occasional fights with girls. Usually they were as big as me, and it was not all one-sided. I actually had a better chance fighting against the other boys because I was not so afraid of the consequences of hitting them. I fought daily. I was very much disliked at my school. I was the person who when teams were being picked for sports, always got picked last, I was the object of hate. I hated them back just as much. I hated the whole world. I had always hated my whole world because my whole world has always been so full of evil and pain and hurting and hating. I learned so early that I was all alone and I was the enemy of everyone else. I knew that in my little world there was no escape from the hate of others and I may as well fight the bastards until they kill me. I also cried daily, and wondered why it should be me that this has happened to.

demonizd demonizd
31-35, M
5 Responses Feb 14, 2009

the headmater gathered my parents together to tell them that I was the most hated in the school. I scrapped alot.

He still loves you very much. Things will get much better soon I am sure. Anyway, as you are maturing now you are gaining better control of your impulses. :)

im worrying i am turning to aggressive at home not at school i beat up my brother alot and i can do damage coz i did a martial art for5 years and i was good at it! in school i am myself but at home i have leart to stick up for myself i am just scared that i am TOO aggressive when i stick up for myself

Thanks spaceguy. I did some pretty bizarre creative writing during that time. Usually about a violent central character who everyone hates and is killed at the end. I know this sort of thing does happen often. Perhaps even every year of every school has it's own outcast.

i know exactly how u feel