So Many Broken Souls.......

I just stumbled on this site and posted my first actually lifted a bit of the elephant off my least for the time being. Delving a bit further into "I was Abandoned By My Father" section...I realize that I am just one of thousands of "lost" and "forgotten" children out there....and most of us are 30+..... so there must have been a time when things got careless...birth control was either unavailable or just carelessly disregarded...we were born without a plan...without 2 loving parents who WANTED us and who had the guts to stick it out til the end and not abandon the very human being they created.....with feelings and emotions and needs. Well...**** happens as they say. I had two parents who were both not THE LEAST qualified to be parents let alone take care of themselves. They got married out of spite for one German soldier returning before the other brother did...the latter who would have loved my Mom FOREVER and not leave her for some bar tramp. Had she waited, well i may not be who I am today, but I'll bet my Uncle Jaque would have been a wonderful father. That being said, after getting to know my real father over the last 6 years...I almost wish I hadn't. I begged for this and prayed I would have this relationship some day....well now its here and oh my god...what a surprise! No wonder he left! He had too much playing around to do! Kids? Responsibility? Not for him. He met some bar tramp and married her and left his four kids and wife to fend for ourselves. Our dinners were one Totino Pizza between 5 of us....yeah. I've always been thin though and maybe thats why!! My Dad has become such a dissapointing relationship in my life that I wish it never happened. He promised me when the bar tramp died that he was going to make it up to me, all that he missed. Well, money doesn't make up for the time he lost with me...and he can't buy me. He had nothing to do with me for 40 years and now all he has is his kids....the kids he doesn't even know because he was too busy with the bar fly.....My bad for letting his 90 year old *** live with me and jeopardize my marriage....yep, he's gotta go.... someone, tell me how... please.
dustrising dustrising
51-55, F
1 Response Sep 11, 2012

Oh wow, what a hard, hard life. People are mind-boggling in their actions, and they can't always comprehend how many others are affected. You are absolutely validated in your feelings. As for your father living with you, is it because he is having a hard time getting into a care facility? What kind of mental/ physical state is he in? Of course, I can't decide anything for you, and each situation (regarding living with a horrible parent) is different. Ultimately, you must do what is best for your health and the health of your family.